Sandbags & Tires On Day Pinocchio Does Disgusting Cup Check On Guest Pax

WARM-UP:  Dumb waste of time.  Let’s mosey on over to start of Brick City parking lot.

 

THE THANG:  Pax divided into 2 groups.

Group 1:  Men ran length of parking lot and back dragging tire.  When back, drop tire and run to end and back carrying sandbag.  Repeat tire drag / sandbag run continuously for 15 minutes

Group 2:  Partner up.  One person does burpees while other person does the exercises listed below (i.e. sandbag sit-ups) in sets of 25, rotating back and forth until number (100 or 200) hit. 

Partner Exercises                                      Reps                    

sandbag sit-ups / burpees                       100

mountain climbers / burpees                  200

2 block jump / burpees                            100

(jump back and forth over blocks stacked 2 blocks high)

block merkins / burpees                          200

(2 blocks spread out, hand on each block)

shoulder press / burpees                         200

 

-Time called after 15 minutes.  Rotate groups.

 

Sprints:

50-yard sprint x2

“Traffic Circle Sprint”:  From the end of Brick City parking lot closest to The Clinic, sprint down road to first grass island running clockwise around it, then on to second island, around it clockwise, DONE!

 

DEVO:

I shared two stories and tried to tie them together at the end.

The first story involved a video my father-in-law texted to me.  I don’t know if what was said to have happened in the video really happened, but I certainly think things like that can and do happen.

A man had recently been praying that God would talk to him.  As he got in his car one night after a long and stressful day at work, he prayed for God to talk to him.   As he began to drive home, he felt like something was telling to go a different way than his normal route, so he told himself, “Why the heck not” and proceeded to take a different route.  As he was driving, he felt like something was telling him to take a left, a right, etc., so he did.  As he drove past a grocery store, he felt like a voice was telling him to go inside and buy a gallon of milk.  He knew this was very strange, but said to himself, “Alright, if this isn’t God, at least I have a gallon of milk.   No harm caused.”

Once back in the car, he continued driving where he felt like he was lead.  Eventually, he was lead to pullover and then felt as if the voice told him to take the gallon of milk to the house in front of him.  He hesitated as this seemed crazy, was not in the best part of town, and all the lights were off.  With reluctance, he proceeded on to the house porch and knocked on the door.  The door opened.   Standing there at the door was a large not so friendly looking man wondering why this stranger was standing on his porch in the middle of the night. The stranger said, “I brought you some milk.”  Without saying a word, the man disappeared from the door and walked back through the house returning minutes later with his wife.  In tears, he told the stranger it had been a difficult month and they were completely out of money.  “My wife and I had just been in the kitchen praying to God to help us find a way to get milk for our baby.”  The stranger handed them the milk and all the cash he had in his wallet.

The second story involved a doctor and a patient who had come to see him.  The patient was wound up about as tight as you can get.  When the doctor asked him what was wrong and why he had come to see him, the patient said, “I have about 50 reasons” and then proceeded to pull out a list and begin rattling them off…. “1) My 13-year-old son says when he grows up he’s going to join the military and go to war.  2) The stock market is way down.  3) My taxes and insurance keep going up.    My blood pressure is probably high and I’m sure is going to kill me dead.”   After several of these, the doctor cuts him off and says, “You are worrying about things you can’t control.  Your son is only 13 and doesn’t even know yet who he is taking to the middle school dance.  The stock market goes up and down, but always goes up in the long run.  Taxes always go up.  Same thing with insurance.  The good news is all your bloodwork came back fine and your blood pressure is good.  More good news is that I can make you lose 50 pounds today.”    The curious patient asked the doc how he could help him lose 50 pounds that day.  The doctor walked over, took the list out of the patient’s hand, ripped it up, and threw it in the trash.

God is in control.   It is normal to worry, but rely on your faith knowing God will provide.  Everything will work out.   The family with no milk for their baby asked for milk, prayed about it, and it was given.  Personally, I never thought I would not be able to work and still provide for my family.  Well, I can.  I am.  That was not because of good luck or circumstance.  God knows what we need and provides.

Thinking back to some conversations I had with you prior to Christmas, many were saying they didn’t know what they were getting their children, because they pretty much already had everything.  I was in the same boat.  Intentional or not, we kind of spoil our kids.  We do that because we love them and want them to want not.  Unintentionally, it probably makes them ungrateful.  In a somewhat similar way, we are all to some degree ungrateful to God.  As Winkles simply explained during his Tuesday devo, God gave us our life.  He allows us to enjoy all that we have and all that we love.  Should that in and of itself not be proof of the great love God has for us all?  Well said Winkles!  We have a great and wonderful God who knows and provides what we need.

 

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

3

Rucking, Clinic Style

WARM-UP:  Mosey to Brick Pile

 

THE THANG:

x75 mountain climbers

x50 merkins

x25 burpees

½ mile run (Rabbits wore rucks)

 

x75 mountain climbers

x50 merkins

x25 burpees

x15 pull-ups

½ mile run (Rabbits wore rucks)

 

x75 mountain climbers

x50 merkins

x25 burpees

½ mile run

 

x75 mountain climbers

x50 merkins

x25 burpees

½ mile run

*Most had this round cut short due to time.

 

First 6 finishers grabbed sandbag and run it to “lava flow”, dropped sandbag and drug tire back.

 

Mosey back from Brick Pike carrying ruck.

Burpees on the six

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Lil Sweet’s band “Prettier Than Matt” playing downtown at 6::00.  F3 HH is there.  Stallion is bringing bourbon and bologna to share.

2.0 campout 4/28

Sign up for MudRun

3-year anniversary Saturday night.  Go Big or Go Home Hartsville reunion after that.  Proceeds go to DCSD Education Foundation.

Congratulations Paula Dean on new office “The Children’s Group” up and running and looks great.  Paula D declared would have been open a month ago if not for  Stallion’s IT work.  Seems bologna fried the circuit board.

Prefontaine and Curahee in a.m.

 

MOLESKIN:

In attempt to neutralize the rabbits, I had them wear rucks for the first mile of the workout.  Early into my first mile I see Groundblind way off in the distance and thought to myself, “He’s a damn beast”.   Next thing I know, I hear footsteps coming up from behind and then killed me as he ran by.  It was Groundblind?  How could this be?   Had I somehow been lapped.  I first thought to myself what Winkles must often think when we workout…. “Damn, I suck!”  Then I realized it was not Groundblind that had been up front, but none other than Woodchip.  Never the less, I could tell ole Groundblind was on a mission to catch him and pick off everyone in between.  Turns out I was wrong on his intentions, he was actually sprinting towards a hopeful to be open bathroom to cut some rucking weight.  After a 20-minute air chair, Groundblind returned to the course still maintaining an 18-minute lead on Stallion.

Prior to our warm-up mosey, I said that little “I’m not a professional” so you can’t sue me thing.  Impeccably planning every detail of my workout and caring about the well fair of my men, I also told them, “Should you need medical attention, we do have a professional.”  The problem there was that I mistakenly pointed across the gloom to Blockbuster instead of Paula Dean.  Not my fault as both look similarly grotesque standing there in the darkness.  Turns out we were okay as Blockbuster has been trained in mouth to mouth resuscitation.  Winkles faked passing out three times.

Many Thunder Claps today…………….

T-Claps to Stallion who as part of his HTL training did not pick up a ruck for any portion of the workout.

T-Claps Southern Bell for not collecting another 2nd place trophy.  No shame finishing outside of the top seven.  One does not become a Clinic man overnight.   Chin up.

T-Claps to Bencharmer on only being killed 12 times today, bettering a previous best of 14.

T-Claps Free P on slapping Benchwarmer on the ass when you killed him. You are going to fit in just fine here.  Clinic Strong!

T-Claps to StepShow & Baby Beasley for faking injuries just to avoid running a mile with the ruck.  Those two will do anything to win.

T-Claps to Pinocchio, who was the only Churchill rock star in attendance for having the courage to cut off the drinking at midnight in order to make the workout.  Dilly dilly!

T-Claps Cadet Lukie for rejoining The Clinic Corps of Bad Asses.   Usually those golf Cadets skip everything hard.

T-Claps Judge Judy for not wearing those green spandex camel toe volleyball shorts.  Let’s hold off there big fella until you shed a little more of that baby weight.

D.H.O.T.W candidate = Skinnny Pete.   On mosey back to AO wearing rucks, I may have run up on he and Stallion and encouraged them to run, but told Skinny P, “Be careful with your knee.”  To that, Stallion replied, “What about my knee?” to which I replied, “You’re fine, you’re healthy (huge overstatement there)”.   That’s when Skinny Pete said, “Don’t strain a stomach muscle Stallion.”

More D.H.O.T.W. candidates = The entire Clinic for locking Free P’s keys in the car and then leaving him there all alone.  At least we waited for Southern Bell at The Temple when he locked his keys in his car right beside his Skinny Girl vitamin water.

A special thanks to Radar for putting up with the constant immature mumble chatter expelled by most of those Clinic d#ckh#ads.  I know man, drives me crazy too.

A special thanks from Woodchip to Coach Stepshow.  After the 1st mile, I was explaining to Woodchip and Lil Sweet that we didn’t have to run with the ruck for the second mile.  Upon hearing that, Lil Sweet ripped off that little red kid’s backpack faster than he and Dumper normally strip shirts.  Woodchip paid the price being a little slow on the draw.  Just as he has shimmied one arm out of his ruck, coach StepShow spoke up and said, “Real men wear their ruck the entire time.”  Sucks for you Leon!  The Sweet One and I took off as we were done with those things.  Knowing he had no chance to get within a half a mile of us, Woodchip accepted defeat and continued trotting around the track with the ruck.

Also, a special thanks to Stallion for supplying 8 of the 12 rucks we had for the workout.  He even included his child’s red book bag that was a little too large for Lil Sweet to carry.

 

 

DEVO

The devo book I try to read from each day is written by a retired country doctor.  In the one I read yesterday, he recalled how one year his rehab facility won an award for “Best Customer Care of Patients”.  The doctor was proud and went to his employees and asked them how they thought they won the award.  They told him, “We’re a family and we treat our patients like family.”   He was also pleased that no one he went to talked about what they had done, but instead pointed out something someone else had done.  They cited examples of things like a housekeeper who brought water to thirsty patients even though it wasn’t her job or the nurse who would stick around well after her long shift was over just to listen to stroke victims who just wanted someone to talk with.  The doctor thought to himself how his staff had treated others as themselves.

Recently, Wall-E was at my house and asked, “Now that you’re not working, what is your purpose?”  I didn’t know how to answer that, because I didn’t know wat the answer was.  Back when I was working, I had the opportunity to make an impact every day with kids, teachers, and parents.  Now, I’m just not around many people.  How can I make an impact?

I put Benchwarmer on the spot and asked him to share what he did a couple months back volunteering for an event sponsored by The Tim Tebow Foundation.   Essentially, he was like a sponsor for a special needs person for a Prom like event.  He danced and did things like that that are way out of his comfort zone, but did it for a great cause and made a difference.

Whether or not your occupation and life give you opportunities to get involved in things to make a positive difference, go out and find them.  Get involved.   Make a difference.

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

6

Prefontaine Minus Running Plus Blocks

CONDITIONS:  48 degrees and misty

WARMUP:  Sandbag Indian Run to playground

 

THE THANG

Pax were divided into 3 stations.  For stations 1 & 2, pax picked a number and had to do that many reps every time they rotated to that station.   For example, Groundblind picked 12 pull-ups and 40 merkins and that was the number he had to hit each time.  Since we did about 8 rounds, he did 88 pull-ups and 320 merkins.

Station 1 (Pull-ups)

  • Regular pull-ups for all rounds except one. Burpee pull-ups for that one round.

 

Station 2 (Merkins)

  • Each round, a different variation of merkins were done (1 hand on block / one hand on ground, a block under each hand, derkins, wide arm, diamond, etc.)

 

Station 3 (Varied)

  • Different exercises for different rounds. Exercises included:   bench dips with feet on block and sandbag in lap, overhead block press, block curls, and jump lunges.

 

Partner Sandbag Big-Boys / Burpees:  Partner 1 knocked out x25 big-boys with sandbag across chest.  Partner 2 did burpees until partner 1 knocked out x25.  As a team, complete x100 big-boys.

 

Partner Sandbag Carry back to AO:  Run with sandbag passing it off to partner when tired.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

F3 Oyster Roast this weekend

MudRun coming up (sign up)

2.0 Campout 4/28 (@Norris Farms)

 

MOLESKIN:

It has probably been a couple of years since I have been to or Q’d Brick City.  Planning a Q with no running was a bit foreign for me.  Seemed sinful, but sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone.

T-Claps to the team of Stallion / Benchwarmer who somehow finished the x100 sandbag big-boy/burpee thing first.    Coxswain said he had never in his entire life been so disgusted.

Fresh off a victory, the stacked team of Stallion/Benchwarmer held the lead on the partner sandbag carry 3/4 of the way through.  Understanding exactly how Coxswain felt, I shifted gears to get a Stallion/Benchwarmer kill and then passed the sandbag back to Groundblind who runs about a 5 minute mile carrying a sandbag.  Before I could even smile to enjoy what I knew would be an easy victory, Southern Bell shoots up to the front out of nowhere….must have been one of those “athletes” at The Citadel.  It was at that point, Groundblind and The Bell raced side by side before Groundblind pulled ahead for a narrow victory.   T-Claps to Southern Bell for picking right up where he left off at Prefontaine……yet another 2nd place victory.  No shame there man, those guys are no more than 20 years older than you.

T-Claps to Beast Light who drove to pick up The Stallion just to make sure he came to the workout.   Not sure who much bologna that cost you to bait him out the front door, but great job.

T-Claps Benchwarmer for making it out despite suffering from sunburned feet and Speedo rash following his spring break “singles” cruise.

One random backblast addition involves Clinic di#kh@ad Woodchip.  As we are near finishing up over at the Playground, Woodchip  drives by slowly in his typical sarcastic way.  Benchwarmer mumbles, “a@@hole”.   After the workout is over, I am at the playground with truck full of blocks  and sandbags.  Woodchip drives by again and even slower this time.  Not believing he wasn’t stopping to help me, I threw  my arms up and yelled, “What the hell?”  In texting with Woodchip  later on in the morning, I learn he slept in and was no where near Byerly Park.  Oops!

DEVO:

When I was at The Citadel, the upperclassmen tried to break you your entire Knob year.  One of the ways you get through it is by leaning on your brothers.  Like with F3, you develop close bonds with guys when you go through tough things together.

One group we did not get all that close with were the athletes (minus golfers like Lukie).  You see, knobs had to eat in the mess hall sitting on the front 3 inches of your chair, being screamed at when you could not recite some knob knowledge you were supposed to memorize, and barely getting a bite of food.  While we were being traumatized and starved, the athletes were upstairs eating as much as they wanted in a relaxed atmosphere.  When regular knobs went back to the barracks after class to be harassed by upperclassmen, athletes (except for Lukie) were hiding out in the athletic buildings taking naps.  When we had SMI’s (Saturday Morning Inspections), athletes conveniently had “weight lifting sessions”.  As you can imagine, there was often some resentment there and the bond between classmates was nonexistent.

As we began our Sophomore year, there was a fellow football playing classmate who out of the blue became militaristic and somehow got rank.  He was into it and began “leading” (bossing everyone around).   Now, we liked the guy, but we had no respect for him.  He had done nothing our entire knob year.  He was the guy on a GoRuck who won’t put down the flag while his teammates are struggling to carry the heavy weight.

F3 is in a sense like The Citadel.  Respect is earned.  Someone who is not respected will not be followed.  You cannot try leading on GroupMe and not come to the workouts.

All of us have probably made someone better physically.  Maybe you are the fit guy others look up to and work hard trying to be like (Not you Stallion.).  Maybe you come out and work hard pushing the guys beside you.  Now, it pains me to say this, but I don’t think God cares how fast I run or how many merkins I can do.   What he does care about is how we influence people through our faith.  You can get up in front of the guys and lead a devo, but in order to be respected and for your message to sink in, you have to practice what you preach.  The guys know who lives it and who hypocrites it.  If you don’t think you have influenced some guys through your faith, you need to ask yourself why and then figure out how to change that.

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

 

6

GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN MEDAL

 

CONDITIONS:  Perfect (59 and dry)

 

WARMUP:

At 0440, I jogged excitedly through the water park construction site to the new stair tower that has for days attracted my attention.  I cannot lie, I was excited and had cruel intentions.   Wasn’t worried about bolts and stuff possibly not being in place as I knew I was going to be saying, “My name’s Bowtie and I’m not a professional.”  Although I had all the liability stuff covered, upon reaching the base of the stairs, I realized a locked gate had for some strange reason been placed at the bottom of the stairs.  I also saw the waterslide height requirement and realized Lil Sweet wouldn’t be able to participate.  On to plan B.

Plan B:  2 lap mosey around parking lot

 

THE THANG:

50     mountain climbers

40     derkins

30     big-boys

20     kettle bell swings

10     block burpees

20     kettle bell swings

30     big-boys

40     derkins

50     mountain climbers

 

Sandbag run to stupid new water park and back

 

Burpee Suicides:  Bear crawl to cone 10 yards away, run back, knock out x5 burpees, and repeat until x50 burpees complete (x10 sets)

 

Sandbag run to stupid new water park and back

 

Donkey Kick Suicides:  Run to cone 10 yards away, run back, knock out x5 donkey kicks, and repeat until x50 donkey kicks complete (x10 sets)

 

Sandbag run to stupid new water park and back

 

50     mountain climbers

40     derkins

30     big-boys

20     kettlle bell swings

10     block burpees

20     kettle bell swings

30     big-boys

40     derkins

50     mountain climbers

 

Sandbag run to stupid new water park and back

 

30 Second Sprints:  Sprint fast as can go around 4 cone rectangle for 30 seconds, 25 second break, 30 second sprint, 20 second bread, 30 second sprint, 15 second break, 30 second sprint, 10 second break, 30 second sprint.

 

MARY:

Big-Boys:  As many as you can do in 1 minute.

 

ANNOUUNCEMMENTS:

Good  Friday workout Friday @0530

HH today Mac’s  @5:30

 

PRAYER REQUESTS

none

 

MOLESKIN:

Last weekend, many of us ran a little race called the P200.   Upon returning to Hartsville, one of us was still too drunk to gather up his stuff and left his prestigious P200 medal on the van.  Though I’m not quite as good a buddy as photo evidence might suggest, I am a good friend.  Being that kind of guy, I took the medal home for safekeeping.  Rather than thanking me for my thoughtfulness, Lil Sweet about had a damn conniption trying to get his medal back.  Understanding it was Lil Sweet’s first athletic medal and also remembering a house in my neighborhood got broken into a couple of years back, I gave the medal (the “major award”) to BarFly for safekeeping.   Knowing how important this shiny neck swag was to Lil Sweet, BarFly kept it safe and close to him wearing it all day as he showered, ate a celebratory breakfast, posed with chics, got truck oil changed, signed autographs, posed with chics yet again, celebrated at Mac’s, and snuggled up in bed with his teddy.

At 0530 this morning, the Sweet One had yet to appear.  It was then that we determined Groundblind would wear it to the pooper for selfie pics when he broke off for his mid-workout bowel movement.

In a desperate attempt to get back what was rightfully his, we see a little white Jeep stroll around the corner around 0534 up on two wheels moving faster than that girl who killed him right in front of us at the P200.

Since he was so adamant we give back his race ribbon, we obliged, but also gave out some additional awards to the men of The Clinic.

 

“Master Motivator Award”:  Just prior to us running our first leg at the P200, Life Coach Leon Murph (aka Woodchip) sends Benchwarmer a video message and just to make sure he receives it, also sends it to vanmates Bowtie, Groundblind, and Lil Sweet.  The heartfelt video message to Benchwarmer was as follows: “Hey Holt, don’t get frustrated no matter how many times you get killed this weekend.  It’s okay.  Finish your race.  Just run your race.  Don’t worry about all the kills adding up against you.   Push through”.

“Promotion Award”:  After recording no kills for the second straight year, Benchwarmer has been “promoted” to 2019 P200 IYAFYL van driver.  Congratulations man, you earned it!

“Ordinary Effort Award”:   Unlike the screaming tirades displayed at his daughter’s travel soccer games, that same intensity just wasn’t there this morning as Winkles allowed Paula Dean to kill and talk sh@t to him over and over and over again.

Looking the Part Award”:  As soon as he stepped out of the Volvo sedan, you knew StepShow meant business.  With not a hair on his head out of place, he just looked the part of a well-groomed champion about to step into the Clinic octagon.

Sexiest Man Alive at the Children’s Group”:  Paula Dean wins again!   7 weeks in a row!!

Oldest Man Present atThe Clinic Award”:   In a landslide, Baby Beasley (Bzzzzz) wins the award.  Way to be 3rd Radar.

Everyone’s a winner!!

T-Claps to Chainsaw who pushed through despite recently suffering a vicious ass injury.

 

FARTSACKERS:

Stallion: Not wanting to break his 10-month streak of making 0-1 workouts a week, Stallion, his hurt toe, and a stack of fresh bologna sandwiches stayed home. Streak still safely intact.

Skinny Pete:  Was up getting dressing when realized was out of nipple tape and knew he had to pull the plug.

Southern Bell:  Comes Tuesday and then heads back to his comfort zone.  No worries man, Clinic workouts are too tough for a bunch of guys.

Pinocchio:  An early night at Sam Kendall’s turned into a late night when at the advice of Lil Sweet, Pinocchio pops the waitress on the ass and says, “I’ll take a bottle of your finest Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”  Next thing you know, he’s saying inappropriate things to women, trying to kiss dudes on the cheek, and waking up at 10:00 a.m. claiming to remember nothing.  As Bo Norris once told me, “That stuff is the s@i#!”

Lucky Charms:  An early afternoon at Mac’s turned into a late night when at the advice of Pathfinder, Lucky Charms pops BarFly on the ass and says, “I’ll take a bottle of your finest Natural Light.”  Next thing you know, he’s texting inappropriate pictures of himself to Pinocchio, trying to kiss dudes on the cheek, and waking up at 10:00 a.m. claiming to not know why he and Pinocchio were snuggled up in the front yard.  As Paperboy once told me, “That stuff is the s@i#!”

 

Lukie:  Is on strike vowing not to return until Stallion, Skinny Pete, and Tater Salad return.

Radar:  So disappointing!  The least you can do now is whip the other fartsacker’s asses at Revolution this afternoon.  Don’t push too hard and beat anyone bad or someone will rationalize that ass kicking claiming you had “bad form”.

Beast Lite:  Broke hand punching wall in jealous rage after taking BarFly out to breakfast and seeing all the rock star attention he got from his major award.

Judge Judy:  M put him on house arrest after he contaminated his breast milk Saturday with a blood alcohol level 12 times the legal limit.

EPO:  Lying in bed staring at calendar trying to figure out when he can make it back to Hartsville to give his bestie Chainsaw a big ole long hug.

Postal:  Up early reading new Clinic publication “How to Become a Dickhead for Dummies”.

Fender & Smokey:  Co-Q’ing Zumba workout for new Florence buddies.

TinMan:  Deceased

SplashPad:  Rumored not deceased

 

DEVO:

A couple of weeks ago, Wall-E came by the house to talk Christmas in April and more so to brainstorm about a F3 / teenager leadership partnership.  As we wrapped up, Wall-E asked me, “How are you doing?”  I knew he asking about me medically/emotionally.  I told him I was doing well as that was/is the case.  We talked about me no longer working and he asked, “Have you found your purpose, your calling?”  That stumped me a bit as even though I had been thinking about what might be next for me, I was/am still trying to figure it all out.

A couple of days later, I took my daughter Kaiti to a 5K race in Columbia.  After the race we were walking around looking at the few booths that were set up.  As we approached one for “Orange Theory Fitness”, I noticed they had a bunch of hats on their table.  Always needing a hat, I asked Kaiti to go get me one.  After doing so, we learn that it’s going to be about an hour until awards.   It’s cold and beginning to rain a little.  Being a typical girl who doesn’t want to mess up her hair, Kaiti puts on the new hat and we walk down Devine to a Starbucks there in Five Points.  Inside, waiting in line, I tell her I like the hat, but paid no attention to what was written on it.   That’s when she took it off and reads it out loud……”#IBurnForALS.  My stomach drops as my kids know I have a muscle disease, but not ALS.  Kaiti said, “What’s ALS”.  I quickly made up something not true and she went on cluelessly wearing the hat.

How random was that? Do random things happen?   Sure they do, but in the past year and a half, I have had more things like that happen than I can count.  Do I think this was random?   No.  Of all the thousands  of things that could have been on that hat, why “ALS”?

The next Monday morning, I was sitting at my kitchen table sipping some coffee.  While, Lil Sweet accuses me of spending my mornings watching Dr. Phil, I actually now try starting out my post-workout day with a devo and some scripture reading.   After doing so and reflecting that morning, I thought about and went to get the hat.  “#IBurnForALS”.   What is “Orange Theory Fitness” and what is their connection to ALS?   Well, it turns out they are a fitness company (series of gyms) who recently partnered with “Augie’s Quest” to raise 2 million dollars to help find a cure for or medicines to treat ALS.  http://augiesquest.als.net/otf/

 

Researching Orange Theory Fitness and Augie’s Quest led me to The South Carolina ALS Association’s website.   I researched the site and called the association.   That morning, I decided I’m going to do an ALS walk in Columbia  September 22nd and in doing so am going to do my part in raising money for ALS research.  My mom did one of those in Greenville and raised money earlier this year.  At the time, I was not ready to see those with ALS usingwheelchairs and walkers.  I have slowly been feeling this call and a nonrandom question from Wall-E and a nonrandom hat gave me the push I needed.

Psalms 32:8 says, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.  I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”    I know God has a plan for me and for you.  It is my hope that I listen and do not resist where he leads me.

God is good.  It is my hope that you attend church Easter Sunday and maybe more important in the next few days do some reflection on all God has blessed you with and give thanks to him for that.  StepShow shared something with me a week or so ago he had seen that stuck with me and made a lot of  sense……. “You say you want to spend eternity with God, but you can’t give him one hour a week?  Powerful.

 

 

 

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

9

3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

CONDITIONS:  55 degrees and wet

 

WARMMUP:  x10 burpees

 

THE THANG:   Count off 1-4.  1’s & 2’s each go to separate corners on visitor side of stadium.  3’s & 4’s partner up and gather by tires on home side off stadium.

 

Visitor Side:  Run visitor side bleachers alternating each time around running with and without sandbag.  When running without sandbag, knock out x20 uneven bleacher merkins at top of last set of stairs.  Repeat for 20 minutes.

 

Home Side:  Partner up for some bleacher Dora.  Man 1 runs home side bleachers.  Man 2 alternates from cone to cone running dragging tire and bear crawling pulling tire.  At each cone, knock out x5 mountain climbers.  Once man 1 runs home side bleachers, find partner and switch.  Repeat for 20 minutes.

 

After 20 minutes, whistle was blown for visitor and home side groups to switch.

 

Sprints (150, 150, 300):  Depending on number, you went to a different end zone corner cone to start.  Rabbits were given their own private corner cone so they could fight it out to the death and for ego supremacy.   On the whistle,  pax took off.   Not sure about at the other cones, but at rabbit cone, Purdy Mouth took gold on first 150, Woodchip on 2nd 150, and Groundblind on the 300.

 

Sprints (100 x2):  Goal line to goal line sprints on the whistle

 

 

MARY:

Merkins (1 minute)

Jump lunges with hands in air (1 minute)

Wide Arm Merkins (1 minute)

x15 up/downs (lead by Groundblind and joined in circle by Coach Eisenhower)

 

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS: 

Curahee (Q=Kllinger) & Prefonntaine (Q=StepShow) engage in turf war as both will be meeting at WarZone tomorrow morning (0530).

5K @ Governor’s School Saturday

HH @ Mac’s (5:30 Thursday)

 

PRAYER REQUESTS:  none

 

MOLESKIN:

Good effort by all.   I am proud to be a part of F3 Hartsville and was honored to have the opportunity to Q.  As I discussed during our devo, Iron sharpens iron and certainly did so today.   With only x1 100 left, the body language and comments of some indicated they were done.   As he often does, StepShow spoke up and said, “Come on.  You gotta dig deep!”.  Very true Stepper.   It is our job to push each other and not to quit on each other.  When we let off the gas, many around us will do the same.  After the Temple Wednesday, Chainsaw said, “I might go for a jog or go to the Y, but I sure as hell wouldn’t push myself like this by myself.”  Couldn’t agree more Wade.

 

Thank you to all of our Redwoods who got this whole thing started: Paperboy,  PawnStar, LoveBug, Chucky Cheese, Groundblind, Backdraft, Donkey Lips, Divac, Radar, Tater Salad,  ??

T-Claps to Benchwarmer who helped me steal sand in the rain last night to fill up x20 sandbags and load up my truck full of coupons.  Speaking of which, the entire Clinic has made my ballot for D.H.O.T.W. for not coming to help me and Holt.

 

While the entire Clinic made my ballot, BarFly might have distinguished himself just enough to receive my D.H.O.T.W. vote for shouting out the following insensitive and hurtful comment during my devo.  When I said, “I began F3 to”…….  That’s when that little turd cut me off and filled in my sentence with…… “To meet dudes?”

 

A big thanks to Dumper who was there in the parking lot when I rolled up at 0440 and proceeded to help me get set up.

 

Thank you as well to Coxswain, Linus, Lil Sweet, and Dumper for following me over to Brick Pile to help me unload.

 

Quote of the Day #1:  Just prior to kickoff, Stallion asks Sir-Mix-A-Lot, “You have keys to the concession stand?”

 

Quote of the Day #2:  During devo, Stallion tells Lil Sweet, “Let me take a knee so you can see.”

 

Post Workout GroupMe Quotes:

Groundblind:  “I put BarFly into the concussion protocol when we bumped heads during bear crawl.  He’s probably out 5-7 days at least. He started mumbling crazy things like he beat me in a race.”

 

BarFly responded by putting Goundblind atop his ballot for D.H.O.T.W.

 

Stallion: “Just had to walk upstairs for coffee.  F you @David Nutt.

 

Bowtie’s response:  “At least you  won’t have to walk far for cream.”

 

The “What the Hell Award” goes to D.J. Waterbug who supplied the motivational music.   On the day prior, Ferrell asked me what music I wanted.   I said, “Metallica, ACDC, Guns & Roses, etc.”  Well, evidently “etc.” means Elton John’s greatest hits.  Eisenhower, feel free to use that mixed tape to get the football team ready for the big game.

 

T-claps to Lil Sweet and Dumper for staying fully clothed throughout the course of the workout.

 

A huge thank you to Tater Salad for staying fully clothed throughout the course of the workout.

 

On behalf of Paula Dean, I want to offer a sincere apology to Lil Sweet and anyone else Paula D blinded with his nuclear powered miner’s light that when shined in Lil Sweet’s eyes almost caused him to tumble down the stairs.  This same forehead light, which Paula Dean evidently shimmied up a stadium light pole to steal and Gorilla tape to his head, nearly caused Benchwarmer to have a PTSD flair up from the “Headlamp Girls” who recently recorded kills on him running up The Temple.

 

 

DEVO:  I rambled a bit, but here is a recap of what I said or at least I meant to say.

This morning, we are here to celebrate our 3 year anniversary.  Me, I have been doing this for 2 years 10 months.  Some of you longer and some of you less.  Regardless of whether you have been doing this for  3  years or 3 weeks, there is  a reason why you keep  coming back and doing this stupid stuff in the rain and cold  when you  could be home in your warm bed.

A little over 3 years ago, a group of men met at The Rooster to discuss and learn about F3.  While I was not there, I’m sure the basic question asked was, “What is this F3 thing?”  While one answer / description was given, different individuals there may have possibly interpreted that message to be just a little different.   We’re humans; That’s what we do.  Once I had been coming to F3 for a while and was starting to feel established, it began to rub me wrong a little when some would say what F3 is and what F3 is not.   While there is certain structure and protocol that should be followed, my opinion is that F3 can sort of be what you need it to be as we have different needs and voids that F3 fills.  If I went to The Rooster or Mac’s with any one of you and said, “Tell me about this F3 thing.”  The answer I receive might differ depending on who I am asking.  For me, I was first attracted to the physical competition and I always wanted to win.  Over time, F3 Hartsville has gotten in better shape and additionally, some pretty athletic guys have joined the ranks.  On top of that, I have personally experienced some medical issues that keep me from going like I used to and like I want to.  It used to bother me and still does from time to time, but it no longer really about the winning.  For me, it is now more about the fellowship.  For someone else, it may be about something entirely different.  A year from now, it may have different meaning to you than it does today.  Skinny Pete said something a few months back that made a lot of sense and stuck with me.   Having just come off of ACL surgery, he took little to no time off.  His knee still hurts.  What he said that stuck with me was, “I endure the pain so I can enjoy the fellowship.”   If you are not there at the workouts, you will never truly feel the fellowship.  If you want to lead, you have to be there in the trenches sweating with the men.

 

The backs of our shirts say “Iron Sharpens Iron” and that is very true at F3.   It is also true in our homes.  Recently, my daughter Ann Frances completed reading the Bible.  Without my wife or I reminding her to do it, she read the Bible every night for 365 days until complete.  That inspired me.  About 3 weeks ago, I went to Burry, bought a 365 day Bible, and have begun to read.  I am going to finish it in a year.  As StepShow said following the workout, “I bet he tries to read it in 360 days to beat his daughter!”  Maybe so Stepper as it still is a little about the winning.

 

Reading the Bible every day, has also helped get me back on track to reading my daily devotions.  Speaking of devotions, I had a situation happen over the weekend, that really upset me.  No, it was not with anyone from F3!  Anyway, after 2 nights of sleep, I was no less angry and that is unusual for me.  I was contemplating confronting that person to get it off my chest.   With that on my mind, I sat down to read my daily devotion the other morning.   As soon as I opened to the page, I saw the devotion title, read the verse, and began to laugh out loud and told my wife, “You aren’t going to believe this.”  The title of the devo was LET GO TO MOVE ON.  The quote from Mark 11:25 read, “When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you for your sins.”  Well damn!   That was not what I wanted to read.  I wanted to be mad, wanted that person to know I was mad, and was not ready to forgive.  Couldn’t this devo come a few days later?  The truth is, that devo was just what I needed and like has happened to me so many times in the past year, was not ironic in its’ timing.  Later that day, I had another situation that angered me.  This one happened with the home health agency that comes out to put i.v. needles in my arm.  I was supposed to start my medicine back that day.  Due to a number of mistakes they made, they unapologetically told me they couldn’t come out that day.  Well, I didn’t handle that too well and temporarily lost my mind on the phone.  Not to long after getting off the phone where I might have told them I would just “jab the needle in my own vein”, I began to fill a little bad about the way I handled it.   Now, don’t get me wrong, I was no less mad about the situation.  I did however begin to think about my devo.  Again, I was not ready to forgive and wanted to stay mad.  What was I to do though, do what I wanted or do what the Bible told  me to do.  For the second time that day, I forgave.  To my surprise, I felt better both times I did.

 

My daughter sharpened me.  By going to F3 and being influenced by those there, I have become a better man and better father.   You sharpening me may have unintentionally helped me influence my daughter who in turn influenced me back.  Iron sharpens iron.

 

Prayer done and done well by Tater Salad.

 

 

 

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

10

The Clinic Meets Somewhere Other Than Temple, Prefontaine, and Mac’s For Work With Good As New Sandbags

CONDITIONS:  59 and slightly damp

 

WARMUP:

Mosey over to nearside of Brick City parking lot

Merkins (1 minute)

 

THE THANG:  For main event, men were divided into 2 groups.  Each group went non-stop for 14 minutes before rotating.

Group 1:  Tire drag Temple……I2 burpees, drag tire to other end of B.C. parking lot, 11 burpees, drag tire back stopping at cone 20 yards short of end.  From there, bear crawl pulling tire to end, 10 burpees and repeat……………….

Group 2:  Grab sandbag, cylinder, or block and run from cone in road at near end of B.C. parking lot to cone by tennis court playground and back.  Upon returning, drop sandbag/cylinder/block, knock out 25 Peter Parker Merkins, run without carrying anything to cone by turn-in of  Splash Pad parking lot and return.   20 Peter Parkers and repeat pattern.

Time called and big-boys on the six.

 

4 Cone Suicide Race:  Smokey wins!

 

4 Cone Burpee (x1 at each cone) Suicide Race:  Smokey wins!

 

Brick City Parking Lot Sprint:  Somehow……..Pinocchio wins!

 

Mosey back to A.O.

 

MOLESKIN

 

T-Claps to Woodchip for running 6 miles prior to the workout, Dumper for running 5, and Groundblind for abusing himself with ruck and sandbag.

 

Speaking of prior to the workout, as I was there at the Brick Pile just after 0500 struggling to load everything in my truck, I hear a loud moaning sound off in the distance that sounded like a cross between Paula Dean being caught in a coyote trap and Paperboy’s perverse sounds that makes mothers cover the ears of their children.  What the hell was it?  Surely it wasn’t the feared Kalmia Grizzly!  Nervous about what it could be, I rushed to the backpack radio and requested Nerf gun backup and Nerf missile air support from Stallion, but got radio silence.  As I made the courageous decision to confront this thing, I saw what appeared to be a hideous beast emerging from the fog.  To my relief, it was none other than Fox champion Woodchip, who ran by offering no help and shouting, “I’m going to beat Prefontaine’s 2 mile!”  Seriously.

 

Great job on the final sprint Pinocchio, suicides Smokey, and pulling the tire Lukie.  You boys were super fast today!  Looked like damn Paula Dean running with a kayak.

 

I guess I have to take the Upward approach and say good job to everyone as I was scolded by Woodchip.  After noticing and complementing Lukie on his effort pulling the tire, an angry / jealous for my approval Woodchip says, “What about me?  I’m not doing a good job?”

 

As has been the case here lately, Chainsaw absolutely crushed the workout.  Overcome with pride when reflecting on his performance, he became aroused like Benchwarmer at a petting zoo, thus causing uncomfortable awkwardness in the YMCA sauna.

T-Claps to Benchwarmer and StepShow for having the courage to wear the flame retardant breathable Clinic Strong shirts.  While the post-workout i.v’s were unfortunate, you strength and courage were inspirational.

 

Big T-Claps to Bowtie for Gorilla taping the leaky sandbags to avoid any other pax from pulling the “a pterodactyl sh#t on my shirt” Paperboy look.   Bowtie, do you know how awesome you are?  Seriously man, you are.

 

Big angry face to Skinny Pete for stealing some of my Gorilla tape to cover his sensitive nipples.

 

Bigger angry face to Dumper who stole about 9 yards of my Gorilla tape to wrap his knee.

 

How about Beast Lite?  New guy and already had an FNG setup lined to come.  Not your fault he didn’t show.  Not sue if any of you guys know him?  Name is Rocky Caddell.  Be thinking of a name.  Likes and hobbies are:  Nerf guns, Ninja Turtles, belly shirts, sleeping, and bologna sandwiches.

 

Great to have Grandmasters Champion Baby Beasley back among the flock.  Hard to believe that if you add Postal and Smokey’s ages together, they are still less than 53.  #sons

 

Also a thank you to Baby Beasley for sharing story about molesting goats.  You had to be there, but the part I heard was disturbing.  Welcome back!

 

Fartsackers:

Winkles:  Lingering pinky injury from last week’s embarrassing kickball defeat to StepShow and Bowtie during Carolina Elementary’s  2nd grade recess.

Lil Sweet:  Pulled over by infamous Society Hill police for driving topless.   To no avail, he told them he knew a judge.

Paperboy:  Still adjusting to its’ “Become the Gender You Always Identified Yourself With” surgery.

Judge Judy:  Since having baby, struggling to fit back in those green spandex camel toe shorts.

Stallion:  Toe hit with Nerf dart last night.  Could be out all week, but does plan on hitting Nueva Villa should the pain allow.  Good luck big guy; Despite the setback, I still think you have a chance of completing the 2018 100 Mile Run Challenge. Only 10 months left.  You got this man!

BarFly:  Up early scheming how to beat Churchill rival Lucky Charms in February/March/April/May Happy Hour Challenge.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Thank you Groundblind for sharing about Ghana mission trip, how they can carry everything on their heads over there (tables, chairs, chainsaws, etc.), how you took a Fenigan and woke up naked, and explicit descriptions of what spicy goat meat did to your tummy.  Really appreciate all of that.

Thank you StepShow for calling out Groundling exclaiming, “I’m really disappointed in you for not carrying block on your head today.”

Happy Hour Thursday

Temple & ALM in morning

 

DEVO

 

I shared a story.  Two weeks ago last Sunday, I missed my first Sunday morning run since I can remember.  It had probably been the first one in over a year.  I was sick and just couldn’t make myself do it.  The next Sunday, I was feeling better, but not great.  I am helping my daughter train for another half-marathon and knew I had to run 13 with her.  I struggled mentally and physically that day.  For the last 4 miles, the plan said we were supposed to pick up the pace to a 7:30.  For the first time, I physically couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t get close.  I was pissed and kept apologizing to my daughter, but also accepted that with what I am dealing with medically, there was just nothing I could do about it.  When we got home, I was bothered by it all day.

 

Last Sunday morning, I didn’t want to run.  I knew Kaiti and I were supposed to run 9 miles.  My legs were sore and I was not motivated, but she was not letting me out of it.  A couple of miles in, I surprisingly noticed I felt really good and looked down at my watch. We were moving pretty good.  On these long Sunday runs, I never have a pace goal and never try to push. I just let my body settle into a natural pace.  On that morning, every time I looked down at my watch, I was getting faster and in no way was I trying.  I’d look down and see 8:10. Next time 7:50, 7:40 7:30, 7:20.  The faster we went, the better I felt.  For the first time in a while, my daughter was struggling to keep up.

 

As we hit Kalmia on our way back, I knew  it was only 2.5 miles to the house, I began to get excited.  At that point, I began thinking I kind of want to know what I could do.  Unlike during the first 6.5 miles, I began to push a bit.  To my surprise, when I would look down at my watch, I was slowing down.  I quit trying to push, let my body fall back into my natural pace, would look down at my watch and would get faster.  I went back and forth doing that a couple of times and each time got the same strange result.  God gave me the run that day.  He also reminded me that he is in control and he’s got this.  When I turned it over to him, I got faster.  When I tried to control things instead of letting him do it, I got slower.

 

This was the best I had felt in over a year.   I had no breathing issues and my legs felt great.  New shoes, infected picc line removed, beautiful morning, some motivational thoughts in my  head from watching the Prefontaine movie “No Limits” the night before, and most of all…..God’s presence was with me. I felt him as strong as I ever have in my life.   During the run, I talked to him, prayed to him, and thanked him.    During this run, I was gliding.  I felt like the David Nutt of old out there.  I felt like I could have turned it up as much as I wanted that day.  The last mile was an easy 7:02.  With .2 left, I took off at a 5:40 with my daughter way behind me yelling, “Go Daddy, go!”

 

Monday’s run did not feel like that and I may never have a run like that again, but that’s okay.  I’m not going to forget how Sunday felt.  I’m not going to forget God’s presence with me that morning.  For 9 miles, I did not have ALS.  God allowed me to have that run and I am grateful.  God reminded me that he controls everything.  God is good.

 

 

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

11

Sandbags, Dirt Mountain, and a StepShow Sunrise

CONDITIONS:  28 degrees

 

WARMUP:  Mosey to playground

 

THE THANG:

50 burpees:  Knock out x5, run 15 yards and back, repeat with sets of 5 until reaching 50.

Grab sandbag or cylinder and take off for long run

50 jump lunges: Knock out x10, run 15 yards and back, repeat with sets of 10 until reaching 50.

Grab sandbag or cylinder and take off for long run

50 peter parker merkins: Knock out x10, run 15 yards and back, repeat with sets of 10 until reaching 50.

Grab sandbag or cylinder and take off for long run

50 pull-ups / 50 Big Boy Sit-Ups:  Broken up into sets of 10

50 chin-ups  / 50 Big Boy Sit-Ups:  Broken up into sets of 10

 

Mosey over to “Garrison’s Place” playground by Splash Pad, hop barricade to stupid waterslide park, and form 2 single file lines at bottom of giant dirt mound.  On the whistle, the first 2 men raced up the mound.  Next whistle for next 2 men, etc.  We did 3 rounds and then moseyed back to the AO.

 

MARY

Merkins (1 minute)
ANNOUNCEMENTS

-Need Fox volunteers

-Happy Hour (tonight 5:30)

-StepShow has Prefontaine Q Friday morning at the track

 

PRAYER REQUESTS

-For Postal
 

MOLESKIN

Though Judge Judy had a pretty commanding lead for the “1st Place Workout Award”, Paula Dean and Winkles expressed to me they were disgusted by Judy’s form.

Despite missing all of 2018, Stallion was able to pick right up where he left off in 2017.  Amazing!  Congratulations Stallion on winning the “Dead Ass Last Award”.

The “Umpa Lumpa Award”, also known as “The Battle of the Midgets”, was indecisive as both Clinic resident midgets (Lil Sweet & Lil Smokey) killed it today with no decisive winner.

The “Rocky IV Drago Award” goes to Groundblind who nearly needed a leg tourniquet to stop the steady flow of blood coming down his leg.  He is Human!!  Kirk bleeding is totally a notch in my belt!

The “Sissy Award” goes to StepShow who fainted at the first sight of blood this morning.  Fortunately, he fell right into Winkles’ big strong arms.

“Most Improved Wardrobe Award” goes to Pinocchio for not wearing the tacky ass Bama socks over his Spanx as he did Tuesday.

Great push by 1st time Clinic visitor @Beast Lite.  Stick with us man; It will change your life.  Just ask your chauffeur Stallion to show you the side by side pictures of him from his first day vs exactly 1 year later.  After 1 year, he only gained 10, maybe 15 pounds max.

More Advice for Beast Lite:  If someone identifies himself to you as “Bad Ass”, “Benchwarmer”, “Hoover Vac”, or “Hamster Magnet”, tells you it’s a Clinic requirement for new guys to schedule a private photo shoot at his house, don’t fall for it!

 

Fartsackers:

Baby Beasley: Spin Class

Lukie:  Preparing for potential spring “outage”

Skinny Pete:  Board members don’t work out.  It’s a tradition.

Chihuahua:  Avoiding us as is a nice guy who is conscious enough of the Clinic’s dark side ways of turning nice guys like StepShow and EPO into bonafide dickheads.

Tinman:  Dead (thanks Stepper)

Fender:  Late night boy band practice

Postal:  Excused.  Prayers up.

Pathfinder:  Visiting VA to have test run on injuries caused when thrown out of Creama.

Radar:  Home knitting blanket for Stallion to use at P200

BarFly:  Up early making some of his world famous collard pies

Chainsaw:  Shit himself on way to Clinic after last night devouring one of BarFly’s nasty collard pies.

Woodchip:  Maternity leave, sore nipples, and postpartum depression

 

DEVO:  StepShow is coaching my son’s Upward basketball team.  I am helping coach a bit.  Tuesday night, he took the team in the locker room for the devo.  Basically, he asked the kids, “Who can think of a time today where you saw God?”  To get the kids thinking, he gave an example of how that morning he was cooking breakfast, looked out the window to see a beautiful sunrise, and thought, “God made that.”  Well, that same day, I held a difficult meeting with my staff to tell them next Tuesday would be my last day of work as I was stepping down due to medical issues to spend more time with my family.  God provided me a great job that used my talents and provided for my family.  Now, God is allowing me to stay home and spend valuable time with my family.  When we pray, we sometimes do not get the result we think we should get, but God has a plan.  He has always taken care of me and my family and he continues to do so in amazing ways.  God is good.

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

8

The Day the Entire Clinic “Stallioned”

CONDITIONS:  32 degrees

                                              

WARMUP:  Mosey to brick pile

 

THE  MAIN THANG:

 

ROUND 1

1/2 Mile run to playground

50 Burpees

100 merkins

150 mountain climbers

Run from playground to Brick Pile

 

ROUND 2

50 Burpees

100 merkins

150 mountain climbers

Run from Brick Pile to Playground

 

ROUND 3

30 pull-ups

70 big-boys

150 donkey kicks

Run from Playground to Brick Pile (x50 flutter kicks on the six)

 

Sprints

Sprint to 2nd light pole (short recovery)

Sprint to 4th light pole (short recovery)

Sprint entire distance of parking lot.

 

Mosey back to AO

 

 

MOLESKIN:

Paula “Wack It” Dean continues to be a workout warrior and this morning said, “None of those lazy fartsacking piles of sh#t deserve to touch my rock!”  A little harsh Paula D, but I couldn’t agree more.

Brett “The Turtleneck” Pack is now the subject of Lil Sweet’s affection as Smokey Brett Pack displayed the biggest set of balls fartsacking Bo Norris has ever seen wearing a turtleneck yet again even after being completely destroyed for his fashion trend setting last week by the D.H.’s that make up The Clinic population.  Rumor has it, Benchwarmer used his TJ Max gift card to buy himself a new turtle neck to wear under his F3 tube top.

FNG “Lil Dickie”, named after little brother Smokey Brett Pack and his Cousin Eddie dickie he wore under his workout gear last week, is a triathlon running muscle bound little stud.  Lil Dickie is also a competitive sucker who takes off early, is determined to win at all cost, and would fit in just fine at TC.  Speaking of winning, big bother and little  brother gave everything they had to beat each  other in the sprints.  Though it was a photo finish, FNG big brother prevailed 2-1.  Yes, Lil Dickie beat Big Dickie.

 

Everyone listed below is a big ole Fartsaker.  Alibies explained below:  

Skinny Pete:  Still pissed about Clinic hospitality shown to him at his Q last Thursday.

BarFly:  Late night planning as Stallion’s new life coach after Woodchip failed at the job miserably.  BarFly officially took over after we walked out of Shoney’s last Thursday and Stallion exclaimed he’d never seen a naked woman.

Woodchip:  Working on step by step PowerPoint on how to run the GRIZZLY.

Chainsaw:  Working on step by step PowerPoint explaining how f@c#ing stupid of a Q Winkles led that time he made us carry those nasty bags of lime.

Lil Sweet:  In the shop sharpening his testicle extractors

Benchwarmer:  As an unwilling participant in Arnold’s new reality  show “Nightmare on Camp Coker Road”, Benchwarmer, who thought he was simply showing up for a Jelly of the Month club meeting, ran for his life/manhood from Bo “The Butcher” Norris (aka “Lil Freddie”).

EPO:  Early morning baby shower for 12th kid.

Fender:  Late night boy band practice

Pinocchio:  War Damn Eagle!

Lucky Charms:  Taking break after hitting F250

Baby Beasley:  Running 7 minute miles and working out at Y until feels healthy enough to return to The Clinic.

Winlkles:  Bathing new Christmas cat

Chopper:  Online purchasing bus ticket for cat to “Norris Farms House of Horrors”.

Radar:  Drinking coffee out of mug that was not driven over by a car while waiting at Kit N Kabootle front door to have last week’s DHOTW certificate framed.

Judge Judy:  Too fat to workout.  About to pop.  Baby due any day.

Lukie:  Discovered spine spurs after experiencing back pain when hitting bottom of rim on dunk attempt on 7.5 foot goals at Upward Basketball practice.

Postal:  Late night celebrating with big brother who dominated Lil Sweet at Baylor Teal Birthday Bash 5K.

Pathfinder:  Planning for Klinger’s swim Q for next Monday

Paperboy:  Getting in top shape by walking through city’s arsenic pond with Stallion wearing book bags.

StepShow:  Taking day off after burning head on new curling iron.

PRAYER REQUEST:

Paula Dean asked us to pray for baby Chandler who is in hospital dealing with complications from SMA.

Lil Dickie asked us to pray for friend’s stepfather who just found out he has cancer that they believe to be terminal.

 

DEVO:

Right before Thanksgiving, I had the Q.  With my devo, I asked you to go around the circle and share something you were grateful for.  Most everyone said family or something family related.

Right before Christmas, I had the Q.  With my devo, I asked you to go around the circle and share a Christmas tradition, memory, or favorite present. 

Both times, great things were shared, but in doing so, no one said anything about God.  We are thankful for things, but do we thank God enough for providing them?

Like many, I attend church with my family on Christmas Eve.  That service always has that magical Christmas feel and is my chance to kind of reconnect my faith and think about what Christmas is all about.  The next day, Christmas, never feels anything like that.  We have all this anticipation about opening presents and then before you know it, it’s all over.  I watch my kids and they are not one bit happier than they were before they got all this expensive stuff they didn’t need.  They get jealous and ungrateful when they find out someone else got something better. I look at myself and instead of doing things that was truly meaningful, I got into a terrible mood after spending 2 hours trying to figure out how to upload music to my daughter’s new MP3 player.  Sadly, very little to none of my Christmas day was centered around Jesus’s birth.  That is no one’s fault but mine.  The one person who may have gotten it was my middle child Ann Frances.  On the outside of a card she made for me, there was a drawing of baby Jesus in a manger and the words “Don’t forget the real reason for the season.”   Where the rest of my family and I got lost in Santa Clause, presents, and candy canes, 1 child did not. 

As most participating in the “30 Day Prayer Challenge” discovered, finding 5 minutes a day to talk to God is hard.  That is sad.  We are thankful, but we fail to give thanks.  We fail to nurture our relationship with the provider.   Take time in the next few days to think about the real reason for the season.  Merry Christmas!

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

Paperboy’s Incontinence And The Chihuahua Returns

Conditions:  47  degrees

 

WARMUP:  Mosey to playground

 

THE THANG:

Short Distance Burpee Dora:  Partner up and knock  out 100 combined bupees between you and your partner.   Partner 1 knocked out burpees while partner 2 ran 10 yards across road and back.  This was designed to where you could only knock out about 3 burpees before your partner returned.  After reaching 50, the run across the road and back switched to a bear crawl.

 

Modified Murph:

1 lap carrying sandbag or block (Lap took you on road around both football fields, to softball field, and on to jogging path back to playground.

Exercises:

-100 mountain climbers (count every other leg)

-90 derkins (decline merkins)

-50 jump lunges (count every other leg)

-10 pull-ups

1 lap (same route) carrying sandbag or block

-big-boys on the six

 

Short Distance Junk yard Dog Dora:  Using same distance as before (10 yards), knock out x5 junk yard dogs, flip flop, and continue until reaching 40.

 

Mosey back to AO

-Flutter kicks and then Hartsville Hammers on the six.

 

MOLESKIN:

T-Claps to reigning DHOTW Judge Judy for finally respecting his elders and not pulling any “The Q said put your blocks up” stunts like he did last week.

T-Claps Lil Smokey on rocking the first ever pirated F3 turtle neck.

T-Claps Woodchip and Bowtie on their campaign to earn  DHOTW honors.  Woodchip politely said, “He looks like Cousin Eddie.”   Bowtie added, “Pretty sure it’s just a dickie.”

T-Claps Chainsaw and BarFly for not wearing a dickie.

In the true spirit of IYAFYL one-upsmanship, Paula Dean refused to be outdone by a dickie and wore his newly won Norris Farms golden rodeo buckle and spurs.

Speaking of DHOTW, no shocker that Skinny Pete is a candidate yet again.  Want to rocket yourself to the top of the list? Parking in fartsacking StepShow’s private parking space will do just that.  I mean, who the hell does that?   Probabily will  spend the rest of the day  pushing down old ladies  and taking candy from children.

Also a candidate for DHOTW was the giant pterodactyl overhead that apparently took a massive dump on the back and shoulder of PaperBoy’s Hans and Franzs sweat suit.

Radar:  As usual, said enough profanity this morning to make a Marine blush.  No one, except a sensitive Chainsaw, minded though since it was all directed at Winkles.

Chihuahua:  Was great having Chihuahua back from his 8 month maternity leave.  He is one of us and will always be Clinic Strong.  Was great having him back!

Votes were cast, but not yet counted on whether or not  to repossess the Clinic Strong tarp  shirts from fartsacking EPO, Fender, StepShow, Baby Beasley (Bzzzz), Lukie, Arnold, Pinocchio, Lucky Charms, or Pathfinder.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Woodchip reminded everyone to get their money in to send Benchwarmer and Stallion to fat camp.

Fartsacking Lil Sweet has agreed to check on the M’s while the boys are off at cookie dough detox.

Woodchip and Judge Judy look like they are about to pop.  Babies due beginning of Jan and Feb.  Not sure they are going to make it. Dudes are really fat!

BarFly announced Mac’s will be serving meat Thursday.  Food ready around 6:00-6:30. Making extra just in case Benchwarmer and Stallion escape from camp.

ALM and Temple in a.m.

 

PRAYER REQUESTS

Chainsaw’s wife who was admitted to hospital yesterday with some stomach issues she has been dealing with.

Prayers up for Skeet  Wallace

 

DEVO

My devotion book is written by a retired Christian country doctor.  From the book, I shared a story.  A man came in to see the doctor for the first time.  Upon introducing himself, he said he was born with a heart condition, had open heart surgery before he was a year old, had had several since, and has one last surgery coming up.  He then went on to say he was not there for medical advice.  He said he was there to have the doctor pray with him.  The doctor was confused.  The man explained he had read a book the doctor had written and through that felt he had gotten to know him and had also gotten to know Jesus.  This patient had an upcoming surgery coming up and knew when they put him under there was a chance he would never wake.  Because of  the doctor’s book and the patients new found faith, he was not scared.  Instead, he looked forward to life whether it be here on Earth or in heaven.

The doctor didn’t realize he had, but he positively influenced the man.  Through F3, we do that all the time.  I cited a few examples.

Speaking of influences, our Christmas traditions are most likely influenced by our childhood family experiences.  I asked the men to share a family tradition, Christmas memory, favorite childhood present, or present we looked forward to giving to our children.  Every man shared.

 

Prayer

 

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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Prefontaine Rabbit Chasser Run Club P200 / Fox Training (Forrest Hills addition)

PREFONTAINE RUN CLUB

Conditions:  37 degrees (nice running weather)

Warmup:  .5 mile mosey from Kalmia to Forrest Hills

 

THE THANG:  Goal was to use steep hill to inflict pain and oxygen deprivation.

1/3 sprints:  On go, sprint to cone positioned 1/3 way up the hill and then recovery jog back down.  Rest 30 seconds and repeat.  We did x3 sets.

2/3 sprint:  On go, sprint to cone positioned 2/3 way up the hill and then recovery jog back down.  Rest 1 minute.  We did x1 set.

1/3  2/3  suicide sprint:  On go, sprint to 1/3 cone, sprint down, sprint to 2/3 cone, sprint down.  2 minute recovery.

3/3 sprint:  Woodchip was strapped to Lil Sweet’s sled and stood at 1/3 cone.  The rest of us were back at start line.  On go, everyone took off with the objective of catching Woodchip before reaching stop sign at end of road.  This sucked big time!!  No one caught Woodchip, but Groundblind made it interesting.  You know that something is tough when Woodchip collapses to ground afterwards and lies there while others all have hands on knees trying to catch their breath.  After collecting some breath, we jogged back to bottom.  Clinic DHOTW Judge Judy drug the sled back to the bottom.

Loop Race:  Pax were told to divide themselves into 2 groups (faster group, slower group).  Both groups ran as fast as they could push around a .75 mile loop.  The slower group was given a head start and went the direction that was more downhill.  The faster group ran the loop in the direction that was pretty much up hill both ways.

1/3 sprint:  On go, sprint to 1/3 cone, walk to 2/3 cone.

.5 “Mosey” Back:  This was a “Clinic mosey” as the pace was nothing that resembled slow.  Saw some guys looking back over their shoulders not wanting to be “killed”.

 

PRAYER:  Purdy Mouth

 

MOLESKIN

Not a hilarious workout as the men were busy working and competing, but of course there were some notes of interest.

When I arrived, I saw Lil Sweet’s Barbie Jeep, but no Lil Sweet.  Soon thereafter, I saw the little nut cutter emerge from the woods as nature had evidentially called.  Groundblind had also relieved an upset tummy pre-workout.  Shocker!  Anyway, upon coming out of the woods, Groundblind spoke to the Society Hill leprechaun saying, “You know they have a bathroom right over there.  Trust me.  That’s my pro tip for the day.”  Someone else said, “You didn’t have to go so deep into the woods” to which Woodchip responded, “Yea, doesn’t Jim (Paperboy) live over here somewhere?”

Another pre-workout moment/quote was made approximately 2 minutes before the 0530 mosey.  It was at that moment when Mr. Badass (Benchwarmer) himself rolled into the parking lot.  Upon seeing this, Groundblind declared, “Gonna be a bunch of kills today.”

T-Claps to me (Bowtie) for not getting lost in the dark as I allegedly did on a poorly marked P200 course 2 years ago.

T-Claps to Benchwarmer for pushing on despite getting lost just prior to the .75 mile loop race when he mistakenly fell into the fast group.

T-Claps to Purdy Mouth for HC’ing the night before and then actually showing up.

T-Claps Skinny Pete who could not run because he is resting recently reconstructed hurting knee for 5K race tomorrow.  Despite that, he came out prior to the workout to get a few guys who had ordered Temple shirts their shirts.  That’s pretty cool as I don’t know many guys who would have done that.  F3 is a brotherhood and Skinny P gets it.

Post-workout discussions included me and Woodchip explaining how we got duked on the day prior by Judge Judy.  Near the end of another sadistic StepShow workout that had us running back and forth from Splash Pad to Brick Pile doing a series of exercises on both ends, Woodchip and I held a commanding lead over the young Judge Judy.  As Bowtie and Woodchip took off to leave Brick Pile, Judge Judy runs up and tells us, “Q said put the bricks up.”  Relieved to hear this, Woodchip and I start neatly putting up all the blocks and bricks.  It was then that Q StepShow runs up and begins scolding me and Woodchip for “not working”.  Stunned and confused, Bowtie and Woodchip look up to see the sly grin of Judge Judy just before he sprints off into the darkness.  We had been had!  Who knew the young Jedi was ready to earn his IYAFYL stripes?  Earn them he did as this despicable act hands down won him The Clinic’s prestigious “Dickhead of the Weak” award.

T-Claps to Groundblind, Woodchip, Judge Judy, and maybe even Arnold for all taking turns winning hill sprints.

T-Claps Groundblind for adding a couple miles to workout running from house to Kalmia and back.

Part of a post-workout text from Woodchip said, “I definitely go better today.”  We all did as we pushed each other.  On that .75 mile loop, Groundblind and I went back and forth exchanging the lead and both wanting to quit.  Everyone did that today, but iron sharpened iron for all in attendance.  I saw no slacking, no walking, and no six.  Everyone found some competition and gave everything they had to beat or hold guys off.  Good work today men!

Next Week:  Woodchip has the Q.  We will meet Friday at Stadium (0530).

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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