The Clinic Meets Somewhere Other Than Temple, Prefontaine, and Mac’s For Work With Good As New Sandbags

CONDITIONS:  59 and slightly damp

 

WARMUP:

Mosey over to nearside of Brick City parking lot

Merkins (1 minute)

 

THE THANG:  For main event, men were divided into 2 groups.  Each group went non-stop for 14 minutes before rotating.

Group 1:  Tire drag Temple……I2 burpees, drag tire to other end of B.C. parking lot, 11 burpees, drag tire back stopping at cone 20 yards short of end.  From there, bear crawl pulling tire to end, 10 burpees and repeat……………….

Group 2:  Grab sandbag, cylinder, or block and run from cone in road at near end of B.C. parking lot to cone by tennis court playground and back.  Upon returning, drop sandbag/cylinder/block, knock out 25 Peter Parker Merkins, run without carrying anything to cone by turn-in of  Splash Pad parking lot and return.   20 Peter Parkers and repeat pattern.

Time called and big-boys on the six.

 

4 Cone Suicide Race:  Smokey wins!

 

4 Cone Burpee (x1 at each cone) Suicide Race:  Smokey wins!

 

Brick City Parking Lot Sprint:  Somehow……..Pinocchio wins!

 

Mosey back to A.O.

 

MOLESKIN

 

T-Claps to Woodchip for running 6 miles prior to the workout, Dumper for running 5, and Groundblind for abusing himself with ruck and sandbag.

 

Speaking of prior to the workout, as I was there at the Brick Pile just after 0500 struggling to load everything in my truck, I hear a loud moaning sound off in the distance that sounded like a cross between Paula Dean being caught in a coyote trap and Paperboy’s perverse sounds that makes mothers cover the ears of their children.  What the hell was it?  Surely it wasn’t the feared Kalmia Grizzly!  Nervous about what it could be, I rushed to the backpack radio and requested Nerf gun backup and Nerf missile air support from Stallion, but got radio silence.  As I made the courageous decision to confront this thing, I saw what appeared to be a hideous beast emerging from the fog.  To my relief, it was none other than Fox champion Woodchip, who ran by offering no help and shouting, “I’m going to beat Prefontaine’s 2 mile!”  Seriously.

 

Great job on the final sprint Pinocchio, suicides Smokey, and pulling the tire Lukie.  You boys were super fast today!  Looked like damn Paula Dean running with a kayak.

 

I guess I have to take the Upward approach and say good job to everyone as I was scolded by Woodchip.  After noticing and complementing Lukie on his effort pulling the tire, an angry / jealous for my approval Woodchip says, “What about me?  I’m not doing a good job?”

 

As has been the case here lately, Chainsaw absolutely crushed the workout.  Overcome with pride when reflecting on his performance, he became aroused like Benchwarmer at a petting zoo, thus causing uncomfortable awkwardness in the YMCA sauna.

T-Claps to Benchwarmer and StepShow for having the courage to wear the flame retardant breathable Clinic Strong shirts.  While the post-workout i.v’s were unfortunate, you strength and courage were inspirational.

 

Big T-Claps to Bowtie for Gorilla taping the leaky sandbags to avoid any other pax from pulling the “a pterodactyl sh#t on my shirt” Paperboy look.   Bowtie, do you know how awesome you are?  Seriously man, you are.

 

Big angry face to Skinny Pete for stealing some of my Gorilla tape to cover his sensitive nipples.

 

Bigger angry face to Dumper who stole about 9 yards of my Gorilla tape to wrap his knee.

 

How about Beast Lite?  New guy and already had an FNG setup lined to come.  Not your fault he didn’t show.  Not sue if any of you guys know him?  Name is Rocky Caddell.  Be thinking of a name.  Likes and hobbies are:  Nerf guns, Ninja Turtles, belly shirts, sleeping, and bologna sandwiches.

 

Great to have Grandmasters Champion Baby Beasley back among the flock.  Hard to believe that if you add Postal and Smokey’s ages together, they are still less than 53.  #sons

 

Also a thank you to Baby Beasley for sharing story about molesting goats.  You had to be there, but the part I heard was disturbing.  Welcome back!

 

Fartsackers:

Winkles:  Lingering pinky injury from last week’s embarrassing kickball defeat to StepShow and Bowtie during Carolina Elementary’s  2nd grade recess.

Lil Sweet:  Pulled over by infamous Society Hill police for driving topless.   To no avail, he told them he knew a judge.

Paperboy:  Still adjusting to its’ “Become the Gender You Always Identified Yourself With” surgery.

Judge Judy:  Since having baby, struggling to fit back in those green spandex camel toe shorts.

Stallion:  Toe hit with Nerf dart last night.  Could be out all week, but does plan on hitting Nueva Villa should the pain allow.  Good luck big guy; Despite the setback, I still think you have a chance of completing the 2018 100 Mile Run Challenge. Only 10 months left.  You got this man!

BarFly:  Up early scheming how to beat Churchill rival Lucky Charms in February/March/April/May Happy Hour Challenge.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Thank you Groundblind for sharing about Ghana mission trip, how they can carry everything on their heads over there (tables, chairs, chainsaws, etc.), how you took a Fenigan and woke up naked, and explicit descriptions of what spicy goat meat did to your tummy.  Really appreciate all of that.

Thank you StepShow for calling out Groundling exclaiming, “I’m really disappointed in you for not carrying block on your head today.”

Happy Hour Thursday

Temple & ALM in morning

 

DEVO

 

I shared a story.  Two weeks ago last Sunday, I missed my first Sunday morning run since I can remember.  It had probably been the first one in over a year.  I was sick and just couldn’t make myself do it.  The next Sunday, I was feeling better, but not great.  I am helping my daughter train for another half-marathon and knew I had to run 13 with her.  I struggled mentally and physically that day.  For the last 4 miles, the plan said we were supposed to pick up the pace to a 7:30.  For the first time, I physically couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t get close.  I was pissed and kept apologizing to my daughter, but also accepted that with what I am dealing with medically, there was just nothing I could do about it.  When we got home, I was bothered by it all day.

 

Last Sunday morning, I didn’t want to run.  I knew Kaiti and I were supposed to run 9 miles.  My legs were sore and I was not motivated, but she was not letting me out of it.  A couple of miles in, I surprisingly noticed I felt really good and looked down at my watch. We were moving pretty good.  On these long Sunday runs, I never have a pace goal and never try to push. I just let my body settle into a natural pace.  On that morning, every time I looked down at my watch, I was getting faster and in no way was I trying.  I’d look down and see 8:10. Next time 7:50, 7:40 7:30, 7:20.  The faster we went, the better I felt.  For the first time in a while, my daughter was struggling to keep up.

 

As we hit Kalmia on our way back, I knew  it was only 2.5 miles to the house, I began to get excited.  At that point, I began thinking I kind of want to know what I could do.  Unlike during the first 6.5 miles, I began to push a bit.  To my surprise, when I would look down at my watch, I was slowing down.  I quit trying to push, let my body fall back into my natural pace, would look down at my watch and would get faster.  I went back and forth doing that a couple of times and each time got the same strange result.  God gave me the run that day.  He also reminded me that he is in control and he’s got this.  When I turned it over to him, I got faster.  When I tried to control things instead of letting him do it, I got slower.

 

This was the best I had felt in over a year.   I had no breathing issues and my legs felt great.  New shoes, infected picc line removed, beautiful morning, some motivational thoughts in my  head from watching the Prefontaine movie “No Limits” the night before, and most of all…..God’s presence was with me. I felt him as strong as I ever have in my life.   During the run, I talked to him, prayed to him, and thanked him.    During this run, I was gliding.  I felt like the David Nutt of old out there.  I felt like I could have turned it up as much as I wanted that day.  The last mile was an easy 7:02.  With .2 left, I took off at a 5:40 with my daughter way behind me yelling, “Go Daddy, go!”

 

Monday’s run did not feel like that and I may never have a run like that again, but that’s okay.  I’m not going to forget how Sunday felt.  I’m not going to forget God’s presence with me that morning.  For 9 miles, I did not have ALS.  God allowed me to have that run and I am grateful.  God reminded me that he controls everything.  God is good.

 

 

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

11

Sandbags, Dirt Mountain, and a StepShow Sunrise

CONDITIONS:  28 degrees

 

WARMUP:  Mosey to playground

 

THE THANG:

50 burpees:  Knock out x5, run 15 yards and back, repeat with sets of 5 until reaching 50.

Grab sandbag or cylinder and take off for long run

50 jump lunges: Knock out x10, run 15 yards and back, repeat with sets of 10 until reaching 50.

Grab sandbag or cylinder and take off for long run

50 peter parker merkins: Knock out x10, run 15 yards and back, repeat with sets of 10 until reaching 50.

Grab sandbag or cylinder and take off for long run

50 pull-ups / 50 Big Boy Sit-Ups:  Broken up into sets of 10

50 chin-ups  / 50 Big Boy Sit-Ups:  Broken up into sets of 10

 

Mosey over to “Garrison’s Place” playground by Splash Pad, hop barricade to stupid waterslide park, and form 2 single file lines at bottom of giant dirt mound.  On the whistle, the first 2 men raced up the mound.  Next whistle for next 2 men, etc.  We did 3 rounds and then moseyed back to the AO.

 

MARY

Merkins (1 minute)
ANNOUNCEMENTS

-Need Fox volunteers

-Happy Hour (tonight 5:30)

-StepShow has Prefontaine Q Friday morning at the track

 

PRAYER REQUESTS

-For Postal
 

MOLESKIN

Though Judge Judy had a pretty commanding lead for the “1st Place Workout Award”, Paula Dean and Winkles expressed to me they were disgusted by Judy’s form.

Despite missing all of 2018, Stallion was able to pick right up where he left off in 2017.  Amazing!  Congratulations Stallion on winning the “Dead Ass Last Award”.

The “Umpa Lumpa Award”, also known as “The Battle of the Midgets”, was indecisive as both Clinic resident midgets (Lil Sweet & Lil Smokey) killed it today with no decisive winner.

The “Rocky IV Drago Award” goes to Groundblind who nearly needed a leg tourniquet to stop the steady flow of blood coming down his leg.  He is Human!!  Kirk bleeding is totally a notch in my belt!

The “Sissy Award” goes to StepShow who fainted at the first sight of blood this morning.  Fortunately, he fell right into Winkles’ big strong arms.

“Most Improved Wardrobe Award” goes to Pinocchio for not wearing the tacky ass Bama socks over his Spanx as he did Tuesday.

Great push by 1st time Clinic visitor @Beast Lite.  Stick with us man; It will change your life.  Just ask your chauffeur Stallion to show you the side by side pictures of him from his first day vs exactly 1 year later.  After 1 year, he only gained 10, maybe 15 pounds max.

More Advice for Beast Lite:  If someone identifies himself to you as “Bad Ass”, “Benchwarmer”, “Hoover Vac”, or “Hamster Magnet”, tells you it’s a Clinic requirement for new guys to schedule a private photo shoot at his house, don’t fall for it!

 

Fartsackers:

Baby Beasley: Spin Class

Lukie:  Preparing for potential spring “outage”

Skinny Pete:  Board members don’t work out.  It’s a tradition.

Chihuahua:  Avoiding us as is a nice guy who is conscious enough of the Clinic’s dark side ways of turning nice guys like StepShow and EPO into bonafide dickheads.

Tinman:  Dead (thanks Stepper)

Fender:  Late night boy band practice

Postal:  Excused.  Prayers up.

Pathfinder:  Visiting VA to have test run on injuries caused when thrown out of Creama.

Radar:  Home knitting blanket for Stallion to use at P200

BarFly:  Up early making some of his world famous collard pies

Chainsaw:  Shit himself on way to Clinic after last night devouring one of BarFly’s nasty collard pies.

Woodchip:  Maternity leave, sore nipples, and postpartum depression

 

DEVO:  StepShow is coaching my son’s Upward basketball team.  I am helping coach a bit.  Tuesday night, he took the team in the locker room for the devo.  Basically, he asked the kids, “Who can think of a time today where you saw God?”  To get the kids thinking, he gave an example of how that morning he was cooking breakfast, looked out the window to see a beautiful sunrise, and thought, “God made that.”  Well, that same day, I held a difficult meeting with my staff to tell them next Tuesday would be my last day of work as I was stepping down due to medical issues to spend more time with my family.  God provided me a great job that used my talents and provided for my family.  Now, God is allowing me to stay home and spend valuable time with my family.  When we pray, we sometimes do not get the result we think we should get, but God has a plan.  He has always taken care of me and my family and he continues to do so in amazing ways.  God is good.

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

8

The Day the Entire Clinic “Stallioned”

CONDITIONS:  32 degrees

                                              

WARMUP:  Mosey to brick pile

 

THE  MAIN THANG:

 

ROUND 1

1/2 Mile run to playground

50 Burpees

100 merkins

150 mountain climbers

Run from playground to Brick Pile

 

ROUND 2

50 Burpees

100 merkins

150 mountain climbers

Run from Brick Pile to Playground

 

ROUND 3

30 pull-ups

70 big-boys

150 donkey kicks

Run from Playground to Brick Pile (x50 flutter kicks on the six)

 

Sprints

Sprint to 2nd light pole (short recovery)

Sprint to 4th light pole (short recovery)

Sprint entire distance of parking lot.

 

Mosey back to AO

 

 

MOLESKIN:

Paula “Wack It” Dean continues to be a workout warrior and this morning said, “None of those lazy fartsacking piles of sh#t deserve to touch my rock!”  A little harsh Paula D, but I couldn’t agree more.

Brett “The Turtleneck” Pack is now the subject of Lil Sweet’s affection as Smokey Brett Pack displayed the biggest set of balls fartsacking Bo Norris has ever seen wearing a turtleneck yet again even after being completely destroyed for his fashion trend setting last week by the D.H.’s that make up The Clinic population.  Rumor has it, Benchwarmer used his TJ Max gift card to buy himself a new turtle neck to wear under his F3 tube top.

FNG “Lil Dickie”, named after little brother Smokey Brett Pack and his Cousin Eddie dickie he wore under his workout gear last week, is a triathlon running muscle bound little stud.  Lil Dickie is also a competitive sucker who takes off early, is determined to win at all cost, and would fit in just fine at TC.  Speaking of winning, big bother and little  brother gave everything they had to beat each  other in the sprints.  Though it was a photo finish, FNG big brother prevailed 2-1.  Yes, Lil Dickie beat Big Dickie.

 

Everyone listed below is a big ole Fartsaker.  Alibies explained below:  

Skinny Pete:  Still pissed about Clinic hospitality shown to him at his Q last Thursday.

BarFly:  Late night planning as Stallion’s new life coach after Woodchip failed at the job miserably.  BarFly officially took over after we walked out of Shoney’s last Thursday and Stallion exclaimed he’d never seen a naked woman.

Woodchip:  Working on step by step PowerPoint on how to run the GRIZZLY.

Chainsaw:  Working on step by step PowerPoint explaining how f@c#ing stupid of a Q Winkles led that time he made us carry those nasty bags of lime.

Lil Sweet:  In the shop sharpening his testicle extractors

Benchwarmer:  As an unwilling participant in Arnold’s new reality  show “Nightmare on Camp Coker Road”, Benchwarmer, who thought he was simply showing up for a Jelly of the Month club meeting, ran for his life/manhood from Bo “The Butcher” Norris (aka “Lil Freddie”).

EPO:  Early morning baby shower for 12th kid.

Fender:  Late night boy band practice

Pinocchio:  War Damn Eagle!

Lucky Charms:  Taking break after hitting F250

Baby Beasley:  Running 7 minute miles and working out at Y until feels healthy enough to return to The Clinic.

Winlkles:  Bathing new Christmas cat

Chopper:  Online purchasing bus ticket for cat to “Norris Farms House of Horrors”.

Radar:  Drinking coffee out of mug that was not driven over by a car while waiting at Kit N Kabootle front door to have last week’s DHOTW certificate framed.

Judge Judy:  Too fat to workout.  About to pop.  Baby due any day.

Lukie:  Discovered spine spurs after experiencing back pain when hitting bottom of rim on dunk attempt on 7.5 foot goals at Upward Basketball practice.

Postal:  Late night celebrating with big brother who dominated Lil Sweet at Baylor Teal Birthday Bash 5K.

Pathfinder:  Planning for Klinger’s swim Q for next Monday

Paperboy:  Getting in top shape by walking through city’s arsenic pond with Stallion wearing book bags.

StepShow:  Taking day off after burning head on new curling iron.

PRAYER REQUEST:

Paula Dean asked us to pray for baby Chandler who is in hospital dealing with complications from SMA.

Lil Dickie asked us to pray for friend’s stepfather who just found out he has cancer that they believe to be terminal.

 

DEVO:

Right before Thanksgiving, I had the Q.  With my devo, I asked you to go around the circle and share something you were grateful for.  Most everyone said family or something family related.

Right before Christmas, I had the Q.  With my devo, I asked you to go around the circle and share a Christmas tradition, memory, or favorite present. 

Both times, great things were shared, but in doing so, no one said anything about God.  We are thankful for things, but do we thank God enough for providing them?

Like many, I attend church with my family on Christmas Eve.  That service always has that magical Christmas feel and is my chance to kind of reconnect my faith and think about what Christmas is all about.  The next day, Christmas, never feels anything like that.  We have all this anticipation about opening presents and then before you know it, it’s all over.  I watch my kids and they are not one bit happier than they were before they got all this expensive stuff they didn’t need.  They get jealous and ungrateful when they find out someone else got something better. I look at myself and instead of doing things that was truly meaningful, I got into a terrible mood after spending 2 hours trying to figure out how to upload music to my daughter’s new MP3 player.  Sadly, very little to none of my Christmas day was centered around Jesus’s birth.  That is no one’s fault but mine.  The one person who may have gotten it was my middle child Ann Frances.  On the outside of a card she made for me, there was a drawing of baby Jesus in a manger and the words “Don’t forget the real reason for the season.”   Where the rest of my family and I got lost in Santa Clause, presents, and candy canes, 1 child did not. 

As most participating in the “30 Day Prayer Challenge” discovered, finding 5 minutes a day to talk to God is hard.  That is sad.  We are thankful, but we fail to give thanks.  We fail to nurture our relationship with the provider.   Take time in the next few days to think about the real reason for the season.  Merry Christmas!

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

Paperboy’s Incontinence And The Chihuahua Returns

Conditions:  47  degrees

 

WARMUP:  Mosey to playground

 

THE THANG:

Short Distance Burpee Dora:  Partner up and knock  out 100 combined bupees between you and your partner.   Partner 1 knocked out burpees while partner 2 ran 10 yards across road and back.  This was designed to where you could only knock out about 3 burpees before your partner returned.  After reaching 50, the run across the road and back switched to a bear crawl.

 

Modified Murph:

1 lap carrying sandbag or block (Lap took you on road around both football fields, to softball field, and on to jogging path back to playground.

Exercises:

-100 mountain climbers (count every other leg)

-90 derkins (decline merkins)

-50 jump lunges (count every other leg)

-10 pull-ups

1 lap (same route) carrying sandbag or block

-big-boys on the six

 

Short Distance Junk yard Dog Dora:  Using same distance as before (10 yards), knock out x5 junk yard dogs, flip flop, and continue until reaching 40.

 

Mosey back to AO

-Flutter kicks and then Hartsville Hammers on the six.

 

MOLESKIN:

T-Claps to reigning DHOTW Judge Judy for finally respecting his elders and not pulling any “The Q said put your blocks up” stunts like he did last week.

T-Claps Lil Smokey on rocking the first ever pirated F3 turtle neck.

T-Claps Woodchip and Bowtie on their campaign to earn  DHOTW honors.  Woodchip politely said, “He looks like Cousin Eddie.”   Bowtie added, “Pretty sure it’s just a dickie.”

T-Claps Chainsaw and BarFly for not wearing a dickie.

In the true spirit of IYAFYL one-upsmanship, Paula Dean refused to be outdone by a dickie and wore his newly won Norris Farms golden rodeo buckle and spurs.

Speaking of DHOTW, no shocker that Skinny Pete is a candidate yet again.  Want to rocket yourself to the top of the list? Parking in fartsacking StepShow’s private parking space will do just that.  I mean, who the hell does that?   Probabily will  spend the rest of the day  pushing down old ladies  and taking candy from children.

Also a candidate for DHOTW was the giant pterodactyl overhead that apparently took a massive dump on the back and shoulder of PaperBoy’s Hans and Franzs sweat suit.

Radar:  As usual, said enough profanity this morning to make a Marine blush.  No one, except a sensitive Chainsaw, minded though since it was all directed at Winkles.

Chihuahua:  Was great having Chihuahua back from his 8 month maternity leave.  He is one of us and will always be Clinic Strong.  Was great having him back!

Votes were cast, but not yet counted on whether or not  to repossess the Clinic Strong tarp  shirts from fartsacking EPO, Fender, StepShow, Baby Beasley (Bzzzz), Lukie, Arnold, Pinocchio, Lucky Charms, or Pathfinder.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Woodchip reminded everyone to get their money in to send Benchwarmer and Stallion to fat camp.

Fartsacking Lil Sweet has agreed to check on the M’s while the boys are off at cookie dough detox.

Woodchip and Judge Judy look like they are about to pop.  Babies due beginning of Jan and Feb.  Not sure they are going to make it. Dudes are really fat!

BarFly announced Mac’s will be serving meat Thursday.  Food ready around 6:00-6:30. Making extra just in case Benchwarmer and Stallion escape from camp.

ALM and Temple in a.m.

 

PRAYER REQUESTS

Chainsaw’s wife who was admitted to hospital yesterday with some stomach issues she has been dealing with.

Prayers up for Skeet  Wallace

 

DEVO

My devotion book is written by a retired Christian country doctor.  From the book, I shared a story.  A man came in to see the doctor for the first time.  Upon introducing himself, he said he was born with a heart condition, had open heart surgery before he was a year old, had had several since, and has one last surgery coming up.  He then went on to say he was not there for medical advice.  He said he was there to have the doctor pray with him.  The doctor was confused.  The man explained he had read a book the doctor had written and through that felt he had gotten to know him and had also gotten to know Jesus.  This patient had an upcoming surgery coming up and knew when they put him under there was a chance he would never wake.  Because of  the doctor’s book and the patients new found faith, he was not scared.  Instead, he looked forward to life whether it be here on Earth or in heaven.

The doctor didn’t realize he had, but he positively influenced the man.  Through F3, we do that all the time.  I cited a few examples.

Speaking of influences, our Christmas traditions are most likely influenced by our childhood family experiences.  I asked the men to share a family tradition, Christmas memory, favorite childhood present, or present we looked forward to giving to our children.  Every man shared.

 

Prayer

 

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

3

Prefontaine Rabbit Chasser Run Club P200 / Fox Training (Forrest Hills addition)

PREFONTAINE RUN CLUB

Conditions:  37 degrees (nice running weather)

Warmup:  .5 mile mosey from Kalmia to Forrest Hills

 

THE THANG:  Goal was to use steep hill to inflict pain and oxygen deprivation.

1/3 sprints:  On go, sprint to cone positioned 1/3 way up the hill and then recovery jog back down.  Rest 30 seconds and repeat.  We did x3 sets.

2/3 sprint:  On go, sprint to cone positioned 2/3 way up the hill and then recovery jog back down.  Rest 1 minute.  We did x1 set.

1/3  2/3  suicide sprint:  On go, sprint to 1/3 cone, sprint down, sprint to 2/3 cone, sprint down.  2 minute recovery.

3/3 sprint:  Woodchip was strapped to Lil Sweet’s sled and stood at 1/3 cone.  The rest of us were back at start line.  On go, everyone took off with the objective of catching Woodchip before reaching stop sign at end of road.  This sucked big time!!  No one caught Woodchip, but Groundblind made it interesting.  You know that something is tough when Woodchip collapses to ground afterwards and lies there while others all have hands on knees trying to catch their breath.  After collecting some breath, we jogged back to bottom.  Clinic DHOTW Judge Judy drug the sled back to the bottom.

Loop Race:  Pax were told to divide themselves into 2 groups (faster group, slower group).  Both groups ran as fast as they could push around a .75 mile loop.  The slower group was given a head start and went the direction that was more downhill.  The faster group ran the loop in the direction that was pretty much up hill both ways.

1/3 sprint:  On go, sprint to 1/3 cone, walk to 2/3 cone.

.5 “Mosey” Back:  This was a “Clinic mosey” as the pace was nothing that resembled slow.  Saw some guys looking back over their shoulders not wanting to be “killed”.

 

PRAYER:  Purdy Mouth

 

MOLESKIN

Not a hilarious workout as the men were busy working and competing, but of course there were some notes of interest.

When I arrived, I saw Lil Sweet’s Barbie Jeep, but no Lil Sweet.  Soon thereafter, I saw the little nut cutter emerge from the woods as nature had evidentially called.  Groundblind had also relieved an upset tummy pre-workout.  Shocker!  Anyway, upon coming out of the woods, Groundblind spoke to the Society Hill leprechaun saying, “You know they have a bathroom right over there.  Trust me.  That’s my pro tip for the day.”  Someone else said, “You didn’t have to go so deep into the woods” to which Woodchip responded, “Yea, doesn’t Jim (Paperboy) live over here somewhere?”

Another pre-workout moment/quote was made approximately 2 minutes before the 0530 mosey.  It was at that moment when Mr. Badass (Benchwarmer) himself rolled into the parking lot.  Upon seeing this, Groundblind declared, “Gonna be a bunch of kills today.”

T-Claps to me (Bowtie) for not getting lost in the dark as I allegedly did on a poorly marked P200 course 2 years ago.

T-Claps to Benchwarmer for pushing on despite getting lost just prior to the .75 mile loop race when he mistakenly fell into the fast group.

T-Claps to Purdy Mouth for HC’ing the night before and then actually showing up.

T-Claps Skinny Pete who could not run because he is resting recently reconstructed hurting knee for 5K race tomorrow.  Despite that, he came out prior to the workout to get a few guys who had ordered Temple shirts their shirts.  That’s pretty cool as I don’t know many guys who would have done that.  F3 is a brotherhood and Skinny P gets it.

Post-workout discussions included me and Woodchip explaining how we got duked on the day prior by Judge Judy.  Near the end of another sadistic StepShow workout that had us running back and forth from Splash Pad to Brick Pile doing a series of exercises on both ends, Woodchip and I held a commanding lead over the young Judge Judy.  As Bowtie and Woodchip took off to leave Brick Pile, Judge Judy runs up and tells us, “Q said put the bricks up.”  Relieved to hear this, Woodchip and I start neatly putting up all the blocks and bricks.  It was then that Q StepShow runs up and begins scolding me and Woodchip for “not working”.  Stunned and confused, Bowtie and Woodchip look up to see the sly grin of Judge Judy just before he sprints off into the darkness.  We had been had!  Who knew the young Jedi was ready to earn his IYAFYL stripes?  Earn them he did as this despicable act hands down won him The Clinic’s prestigious “Dickhead of the Weak” award.

T-Claps to Groundblind, Woodchip, Judge Judy, and maybe even Arnold for all taking turns winning hill sprints.

T-Claps Groundblind for adding a couple miles to workout running from house to Kalmia and back.

Part of a post-workout text from Woodchip said, “I definitely go better today.”  We all did as we pushed each other.  On that .75 mile loop, Groundblind and I went back and forth exchanging the lead and both wanting to quit.  Everyone did that today, but iron sharpened iron for all in attendance.  I saw no slacking, no walking, and no six.  Everyone found some competition and gave everything they had to beat or hold guys off.  Good work today men!

Next Week:  Woodchip has the Q.  We will meet Friday at Stadium (0530).

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

5

Rabbit Chase

Conditions: 53, foggy, damp

THE THANG:

Instead of running bleachers for 30-45 minutes straight where you pace yourself, we did 5 rounds (1 round = up and down all stairs on both sides) sprinting as fast as you could go.  Following a round, we did a short recovery before starting again.

Round 1:  StepShow:  StepShow was given a 2 minute head start and was charged with getting up and down 9 flights of stairs on both sides of stadium and back to start without being caught.  The rest of the pax did squats for 2 minutes before taking off trying to catch him.  He was not caught!

Round 2:  Groundblind: All pax minus Groundblind headed out in a sprint charged with getting up and down 9 flights of stairs on both sides of stadium and back to start without being caught by Groundblind who had to do 1 minute of squats (questionable form) and then taking off after us.  Incentive was given that if Groundblind had 5 or more kills, all would owe x20 burpees.

Round 3:  Woodchip:  Ole Woody, wearing Pathfinder’s 75 pound ruck (seriously!) was given 2 minute head start and was charged with getting up and down 9 flights of stairs on both sides of stadium and back to start without being caught.  The rest of the pax did squats for 1 minute and then merkins for 1 minute before taking off trying to catch him.  He was not caught!

Round 4:  Paula Dean:   Paula Dean was given 30 second head start and was charged with getting up and down 9 flights of stairs on both sides of stadium and back to start without being caught.  The rest of the pax did squats for 30 seconds before taking off trying to catch him.  The pax, Paula Dean not included, also had to lunge walk the end zones as well as do x5 uneven bleacher merkins at the top of each flight of stairs.  He was not caught!

Round 5:  Groundblind, Lukie, Hotdog:  Pax did squats while Groudblind, who was wearing the 75 lbs ruck, took off.  As soon as he got up and down 1 flight of stairs, Lukie and hotdog were sent.  Lukie was allowed to skip 2 flights of stairs.  After 1 more minute of squats, all pax took off in pursuit. As motivation, we had said if the last man from the chasing group passed the last man/child with the head start, those 3 would owe 10 burpees.  If not, the chasees would owe 10 burpees.  The chasees did not meet their goal and had to knock out burpees.

Total:  45 flights of stairs

MARY/ANNOUNCEMENTS:

StepShow, supported by Audit and Groundblind, discussed 30 day prayer challenge.

Audit reminded us to be on the lookout for our adopted Christmas families.

Closed in prayer by Pathfinder.

 

MOLESKIN:

A while back, we had a group of guys who had started meeting at the track where Strider would take the Q, punish us, and seeing their potential would give Woodchip and Bowtie coaching tips while for some reason ignoring Benchwarmer.  Wives working out on Fridays kind of killed this, but we’re back.  Location may vary (stadium, track, Forrest  Hills, Kalmia), but the mainstay will be hard workouts and heavy breathing you most likely would not do by yourself.   Info to come as this evolves, but do not be intimidated.  Do what you can do.  Modify where necessary.

When I got home, I was still a bit high from the workout and began talking about what we did to my wife and daughter Kaiti.  Kaiti said, “That’s awesome!”  My wife asked, “I get working out hard, but why do ya’ll try to kill everyone?”  Well, the harder, the better.  You do not get better giving 95%.  At best, you maintain.  Set a goal.  Beat someone.  Beat yourself.  Be like StepShow and encourage others to go harder when they don’t think they can.  When that voice in your head says slow down or quit, go faster.  Come get better.  Come get your F3 brother better.  Running AO….Get some!

 

QUOTES & RECOLLECTIONS:

As we were standing around parking lot waiting to see who all was going to show up, Benchwarmer notices a large ladder protruding out of Woodchip’s truck and asks him, “What the hell is that ladder for?”  With no hesitation, Woodchip responds, “On Friday’s, I just ride around town rescuing cats out of trees. It’s my way of giving back to the community.”

Woodchip quote II:  “Reflecting back on the week, 40 kills, 34 were Holt”.

Surprise visitor:  Pathfider’s Jeep was seen abandoned by stadium when we all showed up, but no Pathfinder.  Ten minutes later, Pathfinder emerges from the darkness, inside the fence, wearing 75 pound ruck.  Prior to that, we were discussing and were a bit nervous he might be set up in pressbox with tripod stand and sniper rifle. Though we luckily avoided them, I’m not sure IED’s had not been planted.

Thank you Pathfinder:  Yesterday, I had the pleasure of visiting Gridiron for Groundblind’s own stadium workout.  Groundblind had bragged and was quite proud to have found a “secret” way into stadium that included a quarter mile mosey through pitch black darkness full of potholes and booby (easy Bo Norris) traps.  Well, this morning we were about to follow Groundblind on the dangerous trek to his “secret” entrance when Red (Pathfinder) opens latch on front gate and says, “You do know they don’t lock this.”  Groundblind, oh Groundblind!

Lukie:  Right before we were to start Round 5, Lukie says, “Give me a challenge Nutt.  I want one.”  With that I said, “Alright, throw that ruck on.”  Lukie’s immediate response, “F#ck that”.

Pushers:  In all honesty, everyone was a pusher today. I was impressed by all, and even surprised by a few.  Iron sharpened iron big time today.

Michael Jackson’s Head:  StepShow ran like is hair (assuming he had any) was on fire the entire time and even recorded a kill on cat rescuing Woodchip midway through round 5.

Crawley 2.0 “Hotdog”:  Kid can straight up motor!!  Crawley, please send Hotdog’s F3 application to The Clinic.  Pretty sure The Clinic Board will unanimously accept his Clinic nomination.

Paula Dean:  For round 4, Paula D was the rabbit.  “Rabbit” was indeed the truth as he flew through the course faster than I have ever seen him move.  In fact, Paula Dean motored the entire time.  Unlike Dumper, I was proud of him and of all.  A visibly frustrated Dumper, who couldn’t believe we didn’t catch him, said, “His victory was about as legit as Stallion’s claim to have finished The Temple.”

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

10

Bonefrog Champions Return Home

WARMUPS:  Side Straddle Hops & then a mosey over to playground.  First men to playground knocked out x10 pull-ups.

 

THE THANG:

Big 21

21 merkins & 21 shoulder press w/ bricks

19 merkins & 19     “          “          “          “

21 merkins & 17     “          “          “          “

21 merkins & 15     “          “          “          “

1 merkins & 13       “          “          “          “

21 merkins & 11     “          “          “          “

21 merkins & 9       “          “          “          “

21 merkins & 7       “          “          “          “

21 merkins (wider arm)  & 5      “          “          “          “

3 (diamond)  merkins & 3            “          “          “          “

1 half way and hold merkin

1 half way and hold iron cross

Gridiron (football field) Fun:

x50 mountain climbers (every other leg), bear crawl 15 yards to cone, run to end of football field, grab sandbag, block, or cylinder and run 4 corners of football field.

x40 mountain climbers (every other leg), bear crawl 15 yards to cone, run to end of football field, grab sandbag, block, or cylinder and run 4 corners of football field.

x30 mountain climbers (every other leg), bear crawl 15 yards to cone, run to end of football field, grab sandbag, block, or cylinder and run 4 corners of football field.

x20 mountain climbers (every other leg), bear crawl 15 yards to cone, run to end of football field, grab sandbag, block, or cylinder and run 4 corners of football field.

Guys who finished early started the cycle over substituting burpees for mountain climbers.

 

X4 100 yard sprints

 

MARY

x50 flutter kicks  (Judge Judy kind enough to count in Spanish for us)

 

MOLESKIN

Unlike Benchwarmer’s backblasts, mine contain no lies.  Speaking of Benchwarmer, he actually had 2 kills thus doubling his lifetime total.  As I was jogging around the football field carrying what had to be a 75-76 pound sandbag, I could hear heavy breathing coming up behind me.  Could it be Arnold as I have in the past been the victim of heavy breathing phone calls from Norris Farms?  Could it be Krispy as Stallion tells me ole Krispy breaths that way in the middle of the night?  Could it be Fartsacking “Bonefrog Budhram” who would have said “screw this sandbag” and gone zipping on past all the guys?  Could it be Paperboy making those same spice channel noises he made back when Groundblind made us ruck through Kalmia carrying a thousand pound concrete filled pole?   Could it be Postal sprinting to his car 20 minutes early?  Much to my surprise, it was none of those weirdos.  Instead, it was none other than The Tubetop.  Seriously, Tubetop!  Granted, his little cylinder was obviously hollow, but his victory was never the less impressive.

T-Claps to Arnold and Judge Judy who blew away the field on 3 out of 4 100 yard sprints.

T-Claps to Benchwarmer who collected his second kill on one of the 100 yard sprints.  It was there that Arnold stopped five yards short of the goal line.  Twenty seconds later, Benchwarmer came “sprinting” by flapping both his arms and jaws as he reveled in the victory.

Absolutely no t-claps to all the competitive Clinic cheaters.  Trying to level the playing field, I asked the guys to walk up five yards ahead of Judge Judy and Arnold before I started us.  They walked up 15 yards.   Being the cheating bastards they are, they started way before I said go and then celebrated their “victory” like a bunch of school girls.  Though it was dark, seeing Skinny Pete and Winkles do a flying chest bump followed by Benchwarmer attempting to hoist Paperboy up on his shoulders is something that will unfortunately be stuck in my head for quite some time.

Not sure who gets the trophy on the early dismissal 1000 yard sprint back to the A.0.  Motivation is a funny thing.  Not sure which was more motivational…..”Poopy Pants Murph” (Woodchip) and his desire not to sh#t his pants or Chainsaw’s desire to be the first naked dude in the Y steam room.

T-Claps to Skinny Pete who on the mosey back to The Clinic around 6:10 said, “I think the flag is in my car.”   Good thinking Trip.  Glad you remembered to bring it.

T-Claps to the entire Clinic for not helping Arnold or myself load up and take back the bricks, blocks, cylinders, and leaky sandbags.  You all have been named “Dickheads of the Week”.  Congratulations!

Fartsackers:

StepShow:  Called in to Russian Embassy for emergency meeting with fellow KGB agents.

“BarFly the Deer Sniper Byrd”:  Killing animals

Pathfinder:  Planning assignation of Skinny Pete

Lukie:  Up early planning practices for Upward basketball team that begins practice next month.

Lil Smokey:  Has decided to go back to Crossfit or Gridiron.  Clinic workouts too tough.

Baby Beasley:  Sitting naked in Y steam room with Chainsaw.

Magic Mike:  Getting fat again.  Split loaf of bread with Stallion for breakfast.

Paula Dean:  “Bonefrog champions don’t have to do this sh#t!”

 

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Macsgiving coming up

T-Claps Bo Norris and Solomon Budhram for kicking ass at this past weekend’s Bonefrog.   And…..since this is not posted on the internet, I don’t mind including that Arnold said ole Budhram is quite the ladies man as he among other things offered many a lady the opportunity to see him in his chaps.

DEVO:

Sometime back, summer maybe, Radar stopped us and said, “Take a minute to look at that” as the sun beautifully had begun to rise.  Sometimes in life, you have to slow down to appreciate all that we so often take for granted.  With Thanksgiving coming up, we all went around the circle sharing what we were thankful for.  Answers varied slightly, but were similar in time, family, The Clinic, and F3.  Someone might have shared how sorry he felt for people with no wife and kids.  Under his breath, Lil Sweet might have expressed a comical statement to the contrary.  We all have a lot to be thankful for.

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

6

WHERE THE HELL IS BENCHWARMER??

WARM-UP:

  • Jog over to track. Six sandbags had to be carried there from AO.  Additionally, x4 tires needed to be grabbed from Brick Pile and drug to track.

 

THE THANG

Today, we did a series of races at the track.  Men started on the whistle sometimes being divided into a slow group followed by a faster group and sometimes all together.  Between some races, we did a series of exercises.

100 meter sprint

100 meter sprint

100 meter sprint

100 meter sprint

200 meter sprint

merkins (45 seconds)

200 meter sprint

jump squats (45 seconds)

400 meter partner tire drag:  Partner 1 took off running 400+ meters around the track.  Partner 2 took off at same time dragging tire around track.  Once Partner 1 finally caught partner 2, they switched off and repeated.  Good effort by all.

45 seconds of jump lunges (45 seconds)

200 meter sprint

wide arm merkins (1 minute)

200 meter sprint

Russian (StepShow) Twists (x50 each side)

100 meter sprint

100 meter sprint

100 meter sprint

100 meter sprint

To get back to AO, we played “Chase the Budhram”.  Solomon (aka “Chopper Dean) and the flag would take off running back towards AO.  The pax had to do exercises as called out by Q.  The first one done sprinted to catch up with Chopper Dean.  At that spot where Chopper D was caught, pax did burpees on the six (a few of them did) while Chopper  Dean continued on towards the AO.  The process then continued until we arrived back at the AO.

 

 

MOLESKIN:

So I start this part of my backblast jumping straight towards the ending.  Benchwarmer, being the High Impact Man he is, held back today refusing to run so that others would get a taste of victory.  His unselfishness continued as he stayed behind at track to drag 4 sets of tires, cones, and numerous sandbags back to the Brick Pile.  As Judge Judy, Skinny Pete, Dumper and myself noticed after the workout was over and everyone else had left, all coupons appeared to be returned to Brick Pile, but Holt was nowhere to be found.  His car was just sitting there all empty and lonely as if she was waiting on Bo Norris to draw a set of balls on her.  Be that as it may, we began to worry…………….

  • Had 45 minutes of walking thrown him into cardiac arrest?
  • Had Krispy picked him up on his motor cycle and taken him to Shoneys?
  • Had Clinic General Manager Woodchip’s trade of Benchwarmer and Stallion to Kellytown in exchange for Groundblind finally gone through?
  • Did we mistake him for the woman power walking the track?
  • Did he not wear the P200 tattoo map I gave him and get lost between track and AO?
  • Did Bo Norris catch him and officially make him the woman he always wanted to be?

 

Not sure what kind of dumb ass takes a wrong turn when running, but as a precaution, Chainsaw left the workout early just to make sure Benchwarmer hadn’t gotten lost and stumbled into the Y.  While there were several naked dudes in the steam room, Benchwarmer was surprisingly not there.

Eventually, we did find Benchwarmer.   Speaking of disappointments, not sure where the hell Lil Smokey was.  As mentioned Tuesday, Life Coach Leon Murph (Woodchip) reluctantly took him on as a new client.  As was the case with his last client, it appears Lil Smokey has gone the way of The Stallion.

Speaking of The Stallion, t-claps for leaving to The Clinic to start Kellytown AO, fartsacking on day 2, and then going to Farsight today.  At least you made it there once so that you can be added to your 15th message board.  Way to work your magic Woodchip.  A real success story there Woody.

T-Claps to Dumper for setting a new P.R. for the amount of time keeping his shirt on during a workout.

Skinny Pete:  While he did display more effort than Benchwarmer, ACL Pete displayed terrible form on jump lunges.  What a sissy!

“Funny Comment of the Day” arguably goes to Winkles who on the post workout Clinic chat said, “@Michael Holt = Dickhead of the Week for showing up to the workout & refusing to participate.”…………..Woodchip followed this comment stating, “He still finished last.”

Paula Dean:  Not sure if one of his Clinic brother’s uplifting comments were misunderstood or not, but Paula D was definitely pissed off about being selected to star in “Chase the Budhram”.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen Solomon run and even saw him clear a hurdle Tuesday, but never like this. He took off running like hell.   I know I caught him on round two around the Brick Pile and after catching my breath had to tell him, “Slow down, seriously….slow down.”

How about “Divac the Serbian Nightmare”?  Put him on a 100 meter drag strip and he is hard to stop.  Sure, it took him five times less steps less than it would have taken Anrold or Lil Smokey, but impressive never the less.  Think he even had a small wake behind him from the rain.

Not sure about our Fartsackers today……

@Bo Norris was home wrapped in his Snuggie solving word puzzles in front of the fire.  No doubt he got “balls” for 20 points.

@StepShow had the sniffles and lost thermometer in body cavity where he smuggles top secret KGB microchips.

@Fender didn’t really move.  Faked moving so as to get more sleep.

@EPO worked out in the Upstate, but just wasn’t himself.  Says he needs a good hug from Chainsaw to get him back to being himself.

@Postal was in steam room at Y.  Word in the locker room was that the new prescription Skinny Pete filled is working just fine.  Was said he kept shouting, “Check out my towel.  Look, no hands.”  #sicko

@Baby Beasley confirmed locker room report

@Arnold is jealous and asked Skinny Pete to give him a call.

@Radar shakes his head at Bo Norris stating, “I never had that problem”

@Chopper shakes his head at Bo Norris stating, “Winkles never has that problem”

@Pathfinder was headed to Y pool, but was lured into steam room.  Confirms Postal locker room reports

@Lukie will be at The Temple yesterday

@BarFly & @Paperboy:  Their new band played for an All Male Review last night at Barfly’s new bar “The Golden Bannana”.  Late night.

 

Though it pains me to say it, t-claps to Judge Judy.  Tuesday, I had the Q and we were at the track.  The old guys humbled him a bit and being the dickheads we are falsely accused of being, we kind of let him know all about it.  Not sure if that is what flipped his switch, but Judy was determined not to let that happen again today winning or finishing at worst in the top 3 of every 100, 200, and 400 meter sprint we ran today.  A sprint (100 meters) is pretty much a talent thing.  You either have it or you don’t.  It starts to change at 200 and especially 400 meters up to several miles.  Sure, talent and fitness level factor in, but a large percentage is mental strength.  How bad do you want it?  Are you willing to push through some real pain or just dial back and coast?  Today, Jude Judy’s mental strength and motivation matched his physical talent and training.  Iron sharpens iron, and it appears our trash talking sharpened Judy.  In turn, he sharpened us as we tried to keep up. Good stuff!

All jokes aside, t-claps to Skinny Pete & Benchwarmer.  Skinny Pete is a few months removed from major ACL surgery and he is out there with us running the track the day after setting a Temple P.R.  Benchwarmer had a leg injury that prevented him from running, but came on to the workout anyway.  When you come out in the early morning with sorry weather under those circumstances, it shows you are selfless.  It is all about supporting your brothers and you being there, regardless of what you can or cannot do, shows your commitment to the tight knit brotherhood that has been created through a lot of sweat, good natured trash talking, and even a few tears.  Good job men and good example for us all.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Happy Hour:  Attendance has been sorry.  Be there.  Have a beer.

Divac:  Talked about yesterday’s powerful ALM and about Skeet Wallace’s courage for sharing.  He also talked about how we could help.

Bowtie:  Reiterated what was put on the chat yesterday in that Wednesday is our most powerful day.  Do Temple, do ALM, or do both.

Prayer Requests:

Paula Dean gave an update on Cheraw family.

 

DEVO

I am embarrassed to say I didn’t have much of a devo planned, but I did ramble a little.  Tuesday, I had the Q and got a little deep in my devo.  Today, I explained that for the second time in the past couple of months, Winkles’ closing Temple prayer stuck with me throughout the day.  He had asked our Lord to help us go out and make a difference that day no matter how small it may be.  That stuck with me and I did because of that do a few small things for others I probably wouldn’t have done had that seed not been planted.  As Winkles did for me, we influence each other even when we do not realize it.  In turn, we go out and positively influence others.

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

 

 

 

 

 

5

Stupid Waterslide Park Sent Us to Track

 

WARMUP

  • 1 lap mosey around parking lot
  • 1) Partner block carry to Holt’s “Lava Flow”, 2) knock out x20 hand-slap merkins, 3) partner carry block to Brick Pile, 4) drop off block and continue running to track

 

THE THANG (self-paced @ track)

  • 100 meter run
  • 50 burpees
  • 200 meter run
  • 100 merkins
  • 300 meter run
  • 150 lunges
  • 400 meter run
  • 200 air squats
  • 300 meter run
  • 150 lunges
  • 200 meter run

 

To get back to AO, we played “Chase the Radar”.  Radar and the flag would take off running back towards AO.  The pax had to do exercises as called out by Q.  The first one done sprinted to catch up with Radar.  At that spot where Radar was caught, pax did burpees on the six while Radar continued on towards the AO.  Set 1 = x10 burpees, set 2 = x10 jump lunges (each leg), set 3 = x20 StepShow (Russian) Twists, set 4 = x20 flutter kicks (each leg).

 

 

MOLESKIN:

So, anyone know “Why the dickhead crossed the road?”  To get to The Clinic of course.  Yep, where else can you find 15 dickheads all convened in one spot at 0530?  Nowhere.

Dickhead of Last week, StepShow, was back from his Chicago (Moscow) nerd (KGB) convention. It was obvious he had been practicing his trash talk on the plane as he spewed meanities at the Q and fellow pax from the time we started until the time we ended.

StepShow, being the competitor he is, put his best foot forward towards becoming The Clinics first back to back D.H.O.T.W. winner.  Knowing our IYAFYL mentality, Postal and Radar were having none of it as they shot insult after insult after insult at an absent Bo Norris for getting whipped by Kid Rock at last weekend’s Spartan.  After taking all I could take, I did have to step in displaying my leadership as I explained it’s not fair to compare Bo to longer leg competitors as his Fitbit clearly showed he had taken 7 times more steps than Kid Rock showed in his 12 minute victory.  While one would think this would shut these guys up, it did not as they next began asking, “Where can I get a life size action figure like Bo did with L’illest Sweet?”

Lil Smokey:  Devastated that Skinny Pete slept in yet again.  Other than YHC, who shall he go to for guidance and inspiration?

Woodchip:  After failing miserably as Stallion’s Life Coach, ole Woody has decided to take in a more promising prospect in Lil Smokey.  While he has less girth to work with for The Clinic’s Biggest Looser Contest, Woody is confident he can lower his Temple time and elevate his trash talking skills.

Chainsaw:  Early leader for “Mr. Nice Guy of the Week”.  While I’m confident I have time to steal this week’s most prestigious award, polling numbers show Wade maintains a commanding lead although Winkles’ allowing Chopper to sleep in his bed and share a toothbrush have propelled him up the ladder to make a late week run.

Paula Dean (mascot):  Good to have ole Paula D back today.  Couldn’t be more proud of our mascot for whipping that Phantom Fox’s ass over at the AO where Stallion (aka Milkmaid) now “works out” except for when his phantom alarm clock fails to go off. Please pray for his toe and elbow.

Dukie:  Good having Dukie back in the flock today.  As most of you know, Dukie has taken the past 3 weeks off to train for his Octagon match with Chopper Dean.  After seeing what Chopper D did to the Phantom Fox, my money is on Chopper Dean.

Benchwarmer:  Good having Benchwarmer back in the flock today.  As most of you know, Benchwarmer has taken the past 3 weeks off as he participated in “America’s Got Talent”.  If you ask me, those judges win Dickhead of the Week honors for kicking Bench off the show saying, “Running down a hill flailing your arms and screaming like a girl being chased by a spider (see Temple) is not a talent.”

Paul Dean II:  Wouldn’t have believed it myself had Benchwarmer and I not both witnessed it, but near the end of the workout, Paula D cheated across the field rather than around the track.  It was then that I saw an amazing spectacle of athleticism not seen since Bo Norris last chased a maturing male cow with a rubber band and hedge clippers.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, Paula Dean cleared a hurdle.  I am still in awe.  Looked like damn Edwin Moses.

Judge Judy:  Not only has the kid recovered from yesterday’s vicious shark attack, he apparently fueled up for the workout with 6 bowls of CoCo Puffs that caused him to be extra chatty at the start and extra drained on the track as the older guys flew past him demonstrating perfect form and work record times.  Sorry J.J., no bear crawls today!

Cheaters of the Day:  Paula Dean (previously mentioned), BarFly (can’t count), Benchwarmer (started everything early), and a desperate Judge Judy who cut through the grass as his only chance to stand victorious against The Clinic speed demons that were Chainsaw, Woodchip, and Bowtie.

Dumper gets the I can’t follow directions as good as a kindergartener award as he somehow finished first in the 50 burpees (he heard 10) and then ran 100 meters where I most clearly said 200 meters.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Benchwarmer encouraged everyone to come out to The Temple explaining that it is a whole lot less miserable having a large group to suffer with.  Paperboy responded saying, “So, you guys want more guys out there for you to beat?”  I clarified Benchwarmer’s gibberish by answering, “Yes”.

Happy Hour Thursday = Macs @ 5:30

 

PRAYER REQUESTS:

Lukie gave update on his mother who is doing well.

Paula Dean asked for prayer for a family he knew in Cheraw

The horrible Texas church shooting was discussed

 

DEVO

On October 28 of last year, I had the Clinic Q.  We did a Clinic patented 4 corner workout.  In the back left corner, where some stupid water slide is scheduled to be erected (don’t get excited Arnold), we had done 100 burpees.  On that day, Chainsaw voiced his displeasure with the burpee count.

Standing a ways back from where we held Mary this morning, I did something on Oct. 28, 2016 I had never done before. I broke down in front of a group of men.  The afternoon before, a neurologist in Columbia had completely shocked me saying that he thought I had ALS.

If I asked you what was the worse day of your life, you would probably say the day you lost a loved one, found out you or a loved one was sick, the day you lost your job, financial troubles, etc.  I would bet that during that time, you prayed a lot.  I know I have and over this past year, I have used my devotion book a lot.  From it, I shared Mark 9:23-24….What do you mean, “If I can?” Jesus asked.  “Anything is possible if a person believes.”  The man instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

I struggle with that, I do believe that God can perform miracles, but I do not necessarily believe he’ll do it with me.  Does that mean my faith is weak?  If I take medicine instead of letting God heal me, do I lack faith?  I have thought about that a good bit.  One thing I do know is that God has a plan for me and for us all.  Over the last year, I have shared many examples of things that have happened in my life that could not have been just ironic.  They were God saying, “I’m here”.  Recently, it happened again.  A few months ago, someone in my neighborhood passed away from ALS.  His wife reached out to my wife and wanted to give her all of his ALS medication (Riluzole).  I have taken it twice a day for the past several months.  Well, one day last week a teacher at my school sent me an email that said, “This may sound strange, but do you by chance take Riluzole?”  I told her I did.  The next day, she came by my office and handed me a bag.  Inside, was Riluzole.  A lady from her church whose husband had passed from ALS heard about me and wanted me to have his meds.  The crazy thing was, the teacher had come in my office at 2:00.  In my pocket was my very last pill and I was scheduled to take it at 3:00.  I was literally about to call the pharmacy to have my prescription filled for the first time in months.

God is for real.  He has a plan for us all.  When we put it in his hands, it will all work out.  It may not work out the way we want it to, but it will work out.  God is good.

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

10

Block Sliding Temple, 10 yard Dora, and Paula Dean Goes Off

WARMUPS:  Nah, never understood the point of this other than to eat up time.  So, we went straight into mosey over to Brick Pile.

 

THE THANG:

Block Sliding Temple:  Every  man grabbed a block.  Do 8 burpees, slide block, 7 burpees, slide block back, etc. all the way down to 0.  Pax that finished early did big-boy sit-ups and merkins in grass.

Short Distance Dora mixed in With Sandbag Runs:   Partner up and line up along baseball field fence.  x1 sandbag between partners.  On go, 1 man ran with sandbag to far side of Brick City parking lot and back carrying sandbag.  Once he got back, partners flip flopped exchanging the sandbag.  While waiting for partner with sandbag to return, partner held air chair against fence with arms in air at 45 degree angle.   Once both men were done with sandbag run, they would begin short distance Dora variation.  For the Dora variation, pax  had to run to walking track (15 yards away), meaning neither partner got a break and was only able to knock out a few reps before flip flopping.   The first group done called out exercises for other completers to do while waiting on the 6.

Dora Burpees:  Upon sandbag run completion, partners knocked out x100 burpees between them.

Dora Merkins:  Upon sandbag run completion, partners  knocked out x100 merkins between them.

Dora Mountain Climbers:  Upon sandbag run completion, partners knocked out x200 double count (every other leg = 1) mountain Climbers

220 Meter Sprint With a Twist:  Sprint over bark chip pile, around cones, and to finish line.  First completer (Winner = Woodchip) called out exercises on the 6.

“Clinic Mosey” (hall ass racing each other) back to AO.  Burpees on the 6.

 

MARY

Jump Squats with hands in air (45 seconds)

 

MOLESKIN MEMORABLE MORNING QUOTES:

Bowtie’s opening remarks as he circles up the Pax to begin his Q:  “Alright idiots, it’s 5:30.  You know I don’t do warmups.  Mosey to the Brick Pile.  Hit it.”

Baby Beasley:  This guy is IYAFYL to the core as he dropped a whole arsenal of stink grenades from his butt cannon as we moseyed over to the Brick Pile.  While someone not knowing him would simply chalk him up as being disgusting, those that truly know him understand it was part of his win at all cost mentality that made him a charter member of IYAFYL.  The technique worked as at least 1 pax, Rocky, dropped out of the lead pack claiming to have felt light headed.  All the while, Baby Beasley bragged about eating fiber bars and exclaimed, “I’m back baby!  I’m back!”

Stallion: “I think I’m about to puke.”     Paula Dean:  “That’s because you miss so many workouts.”

Stallion:  “I feel a whole lot better this week than last week.  The Sonoco nurse put me on some antibiotics.”    Bowtie:  “Did you discuss this with your lactate specialist?”

Woodchip to Stallion when doing air chairs against fence:  “Easy there Rock.  Don’t put all your weight on it.”

Woodchip to random woman running by us on track:  “Pick it up woman.”     Had Bo Norris said the same thing, it would have been some sort of pickup line, but Woodchip was simply motivated by the well planned out Q and felt it was his responsibility to push everyone in sight to reach their full potential.  Still can’t believe she, like many other sissies, refused to run over top of the bark chip mound.

Against baseball field fence around 0600, Benchwarmer says, “We should just do like we did at Stallion’s last Q and start moseying back to AO before the Q tells us we are done.”

Woodchip after final sprint over bark chip mound, around cone, and to finish line:

  • “Did ya’ll see that? “
  • “Damn I’m fast!”
  • “We need cameras up out here to record me.”

Stallion at MARY:  “Paula Dean, I might need you to write me an excuse for work today.”  Paula Dean’s response, “For the paper cut that kept you out last week?”

 

ADDITIONAL:

Somehow, and I stress somehow, the team of Postal and The Stallion edged out Woodchip and myself on the Dora burpees.  Postal got seriously screwed on the next 2 rounds (Dora Merkins and Dora Mountain Climbers) as Stallion had a fork stuck in him.  He was done and Paula Dean let him know all about it with a verbal barrage of hateful comments that should have made me feel sorry for Stallion, but instead made me chuckle uncontrollably.  Don’t f#@k with Paula D unless you want him to drop some serious knowledge on you’re a@@.

Speaking of knowledge,  StepShow’s trash talk is still a work in progress.  While I’m sure he rehearsed it in the mirror, this morning’s attempt to smack talk was well below where The Clinic bar has been set.  Can’t remember it, but I think it involved a word problem and mathematical equations we were supposed to solve while doing burpees.   The Eddie Murphy of The Governor’s School has been placed on academic probation for earning a C- in smack talk.  EPO would have been deeply disappointed.

While Groundblind, Judge Judy, and Paperboy went across town to curl the pink blocks, the rest of the men (minus a sleeping BarFly ,Chopper, and Lukie) were getting it done.   The list of get it done men included Radar who was back in the fold.  Like Baby B, Radar is back.  Unlike Baby B, it was good to have him back.

Apologies to Dumper who came to the workout anticipating us again drinking beer.  My apologies Dumper.  I have failed you.

Benchwarmer:  Where do I even start with this fine physical specimen.  After staying up late last nigh with Krispy Kreme as they got together to devour a large meat lovers pizza, 3 orders of crazy bread, one bowl of pasta (think Lady and the Tramp), 7 Mic Ultras, and 1 Rohypnol, Krispy left him at the altar this a.m. as the much anticipated Dream Team of “Naked Arms” and “Bloomerless Man Skirt” were not able team up and partake in total world domination.

Not sure who cried more this morning, Stallion after the barrage of hateful insults from resident Clinic bully Paula Dean or Chainsaw after realizing he would not be able to partner with regular partner Woodchip.  To Chainsaw’s credit, the disappointment was understandable as he got stuck with the last kid in gym class to be chosen for dodge ball.  Yep, Skinny Pete (affectionately known to his Clinic brethren as “Skinny Peter”).

Good luck Fender.  Missed not having you there this morning.

 

DEVO

Today, Farsight celebrated something great today as they gathered to reflect on men’s lives who have been positively impacted/changed by their AO.  They have done many great things that deserve reflection and celebration.

In a sense, I consider The Clinic’s 2 year anniversary to be today as well.  When we split, I was sad.  I was sad that I would not be seeing the guys I had gotten to know and enjoyed cutting up with.  At the same time, new guys stepped up to lead and as they stepped up, there was a new bar set for Clinic workouts.  As new guys came in, that bar continued to raise (thank you Step Show’s sister) to where we take pride in the difficulty of our workouts.

F3 has 3F’s and like the other AO’s, I think we are good at all 3.  Fitness takes care of itself.  Fellowship?  We drink beer together at 0615, hang out outside of F3, and are there for each other and a big time way when needed.   Faith?  My faith has been influenced so much by the guys I am around every day.  It is much stronger than when I started F3 and that is because of the men I see each week who influence me.  It is awesome having a group of men who you can share your faith with and learn from.

Getting ready for today’s devo, I really didn’t know what I was going to talk about.  Yesterday, I flipped through my devotion book and just looked at titles at the top of the page.  I was looking for something to jump out, but had no idea what.  One title stopped me.  As I look back on that title, there was nothing there that should have stopped me.  When I read the devotion, it was about a doctor having to tell a patient he had ALS.  The title had nothing to do with that.  That sort of thing has happened so much to me in the past year.  They are reminders that God is always here and can help me handle anything.  The men at The Clinic help me see that.  The men of F3 help me see that.

#clinicstrong

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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