Back in August BA had agreed with Audit of Farsight to switch AO’s in order to keep each of us fresh and engaged. Whereas Audit had lost his mojo, BA was still pretty damn awesome but BA felt sorry for Audit and agreed to the switch. Therefore, Audit moved from Farsight to the Clinic and BA from the Clinic to Farsight. On August 7th at the end of Beasty Boy’s less than difficult Clinic Q, BA called a trembling Audit to the middle of the circle and announced that BA and Audit would be switching places for the time being and asked the Clinic to be kind to the sensitive Audit. This was greeted by pleas from the pax for BA not to leave but most importantly not to leave Audit if BA did go (sadly Audit wasn’t able to handle the constant bashing by the likes of Winkles and others and eventually quit). Brushing away the emotions, BA said it was done and BA quietly disappeared into the gloom. As BA exited the stage he could hear the laugh of a female hyena (Lil Sweet) saying something about Nueva…….
BA resurfaced at Farsight on August 9th and his first act was to immediately annoy and harass all the pax on the Farsight GroupMe chat. Noticing there were several names on the chat not recognizable, BA reached out to Linus to inquire who they were and had they been active at Farsight. What occurred next is what has become known as “Linus’ Massacre.” Linus basically started chopping off heads and deleting guys from the chat if they, in his opinion, had not been active. BA tried to intervene and slow the carnage but it was too late. When it was over Linus had whittled Farsight down to a mere shell of its former self (two of those axed were Stallion and Dumper who had long been kicked out of Farsight). The 20 pax left standing included: Divac (Redwood); Daisy Dukes; Mesquite; Purdy Mouth; Linus; Last Rites; Fallguy; Bagboy; Section 8; Pigpen; Guttenberg; Captain Crunch; Ragtop; Billie Jean; Fudger; Carpal Tunnel; Castanza; Body Bag; Lil Jack and Windows. The brothers of Farsight quaked in their boots wondering would they be next to fall to Linus’ axe. BA managed to calm Linus’ rage and got him to agree not to cut off anymore heads for the time being. What happened to those he axed you ask? Unfortunately those names have been lost to history and will never be known. Tragic.
Despite the sad and unnerving start with Farsight, BA was graciously and hospitably welcomed into the group. However, there were a few who were suspicious of BA due to the reputation of the Clinic for being genuine DH’s. These concerns were allayed when BA jumped in and started Qing and quickly became a regular along with stalwarts Ragtop, Last Rites, Windows and Lil Jack. These four pax constitute the heart and soul of Farsight; not as awesome as BA but still very close.
Fast forward 19 weeks and Farsight finds itself humming along and whipping ass. Farsight even has a candidate for City Council (Ragtop) and may even be ready to field a 2019 Fox team to dethrone Team DH from the Clinic. They are definitely closing the gap. We’re talking smaller than a jolly rancher. Farsight added to its fold Schroeder (EH’d by Linus who doesn’t just chop off heads), Woodstock (EH’d by Schroeder), Heisenberg (EH’d by Schroeder) and Picasso (EH’d by Audit, yes Audit). Farsight also brought back Wildman/Re-Run from the ash heap and accepted the transfers of Da Meat and Red/Pathfinder from The Clinic when they determined they didn’t want to be DH’s.
With the growth and overall sound health of Farsight, BA sensed it was time. It was time to head back to The Clinic and save it from the destruction being brought on by a heinous virus causing wrath and destruction at BA’s former home. Yes, the Clinic was falling victim to “Ruckeritis,” that awful disease being spread by Skinny Pete and Paula Dean. They had lured Beasty Boy and Stallion into their web and were now homing in on Barfly, no pun intended. BA was horrified at the thought of his once glorious Clinic becoming a “rucker” AO. The horror, oh the horror.
Thus, BA made a fateful decision. In order to save the Clinic he would have to leave his newfound brothers at Farsight and return to the land of DH and put an end to what Skinny Pete and Paula Dean were spawning. He knew his Farsight brothers would be heartbroken and was fearful the news may cause the AO to shatter into pieces but BA had to do what he had to do.
December 20, 2018 (Thursday)
BA signed up to Q Farsight one last time. It would be an emotional day for everyone. It would be BA’s 250th workout of the year and would be his 30th of 38 Farsight workouts since joining in August. As BA drove past North Hartsville Elementary (BA’s elementary alma mater where he was a champion in kickball) on his way to the AO he noticed a cluster of cars in front of the school. Thinking it was either an early gathering for perhaps a Christmas party or it was a gathering of very feminine men, BA paid no mind to the dark specters in the gloom.
Nevertheless, BA went on to the AO to get started. As BA pulled into the parking lot he thought to himself how the pax gathered had no idea their lives were about to be shattered when BA drops the news he’s leaving. Poor guys.
BA gathered everyone and announced it was time to start. The first sign something was askew was when BA spotted Paperboy of the Clinic among the encircled group but chalked it up to the “Gray Man” missing his hero BA and came out to give him some support. Or maybe Paperboy wanted some separation from the Clinic after Bowtie broke the news of Lil Sweet and Coxswain being in the Jacuzzi together. Paperboy was wounded but perhaps he just didn’t want to give Coxswain the satisfaction and chose to leave. We may never know.
Either way, as BA called the troops together in the gloom BA noticed a group of men skipping into the parking lot singing songs from “Boy George’s Greatest Hits” led by their sissy leader, Bowtie aka Sissy Boy. BA rubbed his eyes to see if it was true; it was. It was Team DH strolling in with what looked like a cooler while waving a Jolly Rogers pirate flag. Venom and curse words spewed from the lips of the likes of Barfly, Skinny Pete, Judy (wearing a funny hat) and that foul mouthed Paula Dean.
It was the Clinic! BA knew they were there simply to disrupt BA’s Q. BA shook his head with mild aggravation, gathered his wits and got his game face on. As the pax took their places in the circle, BA announced he was calling the roll. Immediately BA heard snarky comments from Team DH like “yall still take roll?” (Chainsaw who said something about eating sticks which was confusing) and “we would’ve already run a mile by now (Lil Sweet).” BA was not distracted by their vitriol and announced, “Gentlemen, BA is calling the roll!”
BA had started a Farsight tradition (not really) of calling the roll prior to the workout. If a pax HC’d and failed to show it would cost the present pax 10 burpees. If a pax failed to say he was not coming and failed to show then it would cost the present pax 3 burpees. This is a favorite of Windows who invented a few new cuss words the last time we did this when four pax HC’d but failed to show.
The roll was as follows:
Daisy Dukes: present
Linus HC: present
Divac (Redwood): present
Last Rites: present
Fallguy HC: present
Bag Boy HC: present
Section 8: 3 burpees
Pigpen HC: present
Captain Crunch: 3 burpees
Billie Jean HC: present
Fudger: 3 burpees
Carpal Tunnel: 3 burpees
Castanza HC: present
Bodybag HC: present
Lil Jax: 3 burpees
Windows: 3 burpees
Purdy Mouth: excused
Schroeder: 3 burpees
Re-Run/Wildman: 3 burpees
Da Meat HC: present
Woodstock: 3 burpees
Red: 3 burpees *the Clinic DH’s called Red a traitor thinking he was still one of them
Mesquite: 3 burpees
After 33 burpees BA led the pax in a few warmup exercises before heading to the main event. The workout was as follows:
BA assembled the pax at the top of the parking lot where the blocks had been laid out. BA called for a Clinic DH to partner with a Farsight pax. When Chainsaw begged BA to partner with him BA knew his team would dominate Lil Sweet, Bowtie and Stepshow. As the drizzle turned a steady rain Chainsaw made the observation that “even dogs get out of the rain…..”
The exercises called for Partner A to run the full loop of the parking lot while Partner B performed the exercise. When A returned they switched and Partner B would run while A did the exercises.
- 250 Overhead Presses
- 50 Burpees
- 250 Curls
- 50 Bigboys
- 250 Chest Presses
*Team Chainsaw-BA dominated throughout; just saying…..
During the last set suddenly a group of men clad in dark clothing began to emerge from the gloom. They were not as sissified as the Clinic DH’s from earlier but we’re still not talking masculine by any means. It had begun to rain and our vision was limited but as they drew closer it was clear it was the Warzone Wussies led by Wall-E. They raced in, caused confusion and disorder and then left as quickly as they had arrived. It was classic Wall-E. Evidently Chicken Fried was scheduled to Q Warzone but fartsacked so Warzone ran to his house (which was nearby) and is why and how they wound up messing up BA’s Q. Pax spotted from Warzone included Ike, Mutt and Wall-E. Rumor has it Cowboy was in tow but no one saw him.
When the confusion cleared BA ordered the Clinic DH’s to put up the blocks and then have everyone assemble back to the flag for a “Jack Webb” exercise. The exercise called for every 1 “merkin” it would be followed by 3 “air presses” but the “merkins” would be of the “iron cross” kind. The pax went all the way up to 10 “merkins” and 33 “air presses.” When BA saw Pinocchio and Barfly (who knew they were artist too?) struggling, BA reminded them there was no shame modifying to their knees; that this was a judgment free zone. They immediately obliged. Funny how “form” matters……..
It was getting close to quitting time so BA called out “recover” which means the end of the workout. Actually BA saw Chainsaw doing his finger “helicopter style” indicating it was time to wrap it up so BA called time. As BA called the pax to close ranks and bring the circle in for “count off” BA noticed an “imp like” figure pulling a cooler to the circle. It was Barfly, 2017 Mumble Chatter King, (Judge Judy is the perceived 2018 front runner) and he announced that it was a Clinic tradition to serve beer on special occasions. Special occasion? Lil Sweet asked if they had any girl drinks like Mike’s Hard Lemonade but Barfly said it was only Budweiser this day. Skinny Pete brought his own 40 oz and chugged it (BA has a picture to prove it if anyone wants to see it) as the pax began popping open cold cans of beer at 6:15 AM. *Disclaimer: not all pax partook but all of the Clinic guys did……
So what was the special occasion? BA was about to find out. The special occasion was revealed when Paula Dean, on behalf of the Clinic, presented BA with a “Rasslin Belt” to honor BA for his “greatness.” BA was moved and patted Paula Dean on the cheek as Paula Dean let a tear go from the corner of his eye. Paula Dean whispered or maybe whimpered, “BA, come home man, come home.”
With that BA announced to the 24 assembled pax that today was his 250th workout of the year. Likely no other pax in F3 Hartsville history has hit 250 each year. A warm applause ensued as BA acknowledged the recognition but knowing he had to break the bad news raised his hands to bring the cheers to a halt.
BA then announced gingerly, “Men, today will be BA’s last day at Farsight.” No sooner had BA uttered these words he heard Linus break out in a sob, the kind of sob of a little girl. Then Pigpen uttered his first words in 19 weeks and said “Say it aint so BA???” BA turned to them and softly said, “Yes, boys. Its time. It’s time for BA to move on. His work is done here.” Bodybag broke from the ranks and ran to his car in tears chased by Castanza who attempted to comfort his “special friend.” Billie Jean exclaimed, “I finally made a GD workout and you are leaving?” Fallguy bit his quivering bottom lip fighting back the emotions. Divac made a very strong point when he asked while pointing across the circle to the Clinic DH’s who had been talking during BA’s announcement, “why would you want to work out with those assholes?” BA really didn’t have an answer and struggled with a response. All BA could muster was “because they need me Divac.”
When order was restored BA thanked the Farsight pax for welcoming him into their group and for the opportunity to work out with them, fellowship with them and spend time in prayer with them. Its been a great 19 weeks and BA has enjoyed every moment (except the time Windows Qd and made BA and Ragtop brick bear crawl in the driving rain in 40 degree weather. That sucked.). As the pax dispersed and as BA walked to his vehicle one could hear the faint cheers of Fudger and Carpal Tunnel from the comforts of their warm beds celebrating that BA was leaving Farsight and there would be no more GroupMe postings cajoling the pax to the workouts………
That’s all I got to say about that……..
Past Farsight Brick Holders:
Pigpen (current holder and lets hope he hasn’t lost it)