The evening before BA’s Q BA sent word out through the GroupMe chat that he was looking for HC’s for his Q. HC’s began raining down so BA decided to flush the “fence straddlers” out so he posted that anyone who did not say they weren’t coming and then didn’t show, then the pax would do 1 burpee in their honor (next time it’ll be 3). If a pax HC’d and didn’t come, it was 5 burpees. Yes, Purdy Mouth HC’d and all the pax immediately began saying they would have 5 burpees to do in the AM. Ye of little faith sayeth Purdy…..
At the appointed hour the pax slowly shuffled in the dark as they gathered around the flag (that Windows irresponsibly left at Convergence a couple weeks ago but was then saved by BA from the FiA chicks). Counting BA there were only 9 pax which was several fewer than BA was counting on. Window’s began to squirm. By his face one could tell he was a skeered man.
After the disclaimer (the pax were stunned BA wasn’t a professional especially when BA wore the “Material Girl” singlet running shirt after multiple requests) BA called the role.
Daisy Dukes excused
Mesquite…….silence. One burpee
Purdy Mouth (HC)……Here!!!!!! (stunned silence)
Linus (HC)……silence. Five burpees
Last Rites (HC)……here.
Fall Guy……silence. One burpee
Bagboy (HC)……silence. Five burpees
Section 8…….silence. One burpee
Pig Pen excused (still looking for his brother)
Captain Crunch excused although it was a weak excuse.
Rag Top (HC)…..here.
Billie Jean (HC)……silence. 5 burpees (being molded by the likes of Purdy)
Fudger excused but promises to be there Thursday for Linus’ Q.
Carpal Tunnel……..here (the pax were stunned he and Purdy were both there).
Body Bag excused
Little Jax (HC)…..silence. 5 burpees (Windows started cussing really bad at this point.)
Wildman……silence. One burpee
Windows (HC)…..Damn right I’m here when I HC!!!!!!!!
It was at this point that Linus pulled up and said “hey guys what did I miss?” BA couldn’t make out which obscenities were leveled by whom because they all flowed like a torrent at the same moment in the direction of Linus who’s only defense was “at least I didn’t fartsack like my brother.”
After the roll call and burpees BA led the group in some calisthenics before heading to the first part of the workout.
Remaining in the circle BA announced that the first exercise would a “climbing up stairs but not down stairs” exercise. The exercise was as follows:
Air Presses starting with 1 and followed by 1 merkin. Then 3 air presses and 3 merkins. We followed this routine all the way up to 21 when BA called “recover.” Linus was already crying so BA thought it was prudent to stop then and move to the next exercise.
The pax gathered around BA in the parking lot and BA broke them up into groups. Of course Last Rites and Ragtop partnered up just like that Clinic dynamic duo of Paula Dean and Skinny Pete do all the time. Some guys are just meant to be “partners.” BA tried to partner up pax who didn’t know one another. Schroeder who has been coming for a month had no idea who Carpal Tunnel was and Meat, a regular when not killing off livestock, had not met Divac either. The exercise called for partner A to bear crawl the perimeter of the parking lot while Partner B ran the loop until he caught up to Partner A. At this point they switched roles and kept this up until they had completed the loop of the parking lot. BA partnered with Purdy Mouth. There are two other pax you don’t want to do this exercise with: Stallion and Chow. BA still has flashbacks of those two nightmarish workouts where BA bearcrawled a mile before being relieved by either one but BA digresses. When we made the complete loop BA called “recover.”
BA then took the pax over to side building with the step. Here the pax were required to do the following:
3 Dips followed by 1 Derkin. We went up 3 on the dips until we reached 21 and went up 1 on the Derkins until we hit 7. Schroeder cried at this juncture and exclaimed “why did I join this damn cult!!!!!” Windows was still pissed from doing burpees earlier.
The pax then moseyed to the bottom of the parking lot closest to the playground and keeping the same partners as earlier did the following:
Partner A ran to the top of the parking lot, out the gate and back in the gate and then back to the starting point. Partner B was doing the exercises. The pax had to get to a total of 100 big boys, 100 leg raisers and 50 burpees.
When the pax finished we gathered back around the flag for nameorama, announcements and the devotional.
Announcements included the following:
Linus and Purdy exchange
Linus: hey guys anyone want to run the Kiawah Marathon with me in a couple of months.
Purdy Mouth: I’m in.
Linus: ummm, anyone else?
Meat to the group
Meat: hey guys, anyone wanna come help me slaughter 500 chickens? crickets…….
Carpal Tunnel to BA
Carpal Tunnel: BA, you are a lot cooler than those Clinic DH’s like Bowtie, Stepshow, Woodchip, Barfly, Groundblind, Chainsaw, Lil Sweet, Skinny Pete, Winkles, Pinocchio, Lucky Charms, Paula Dean, Lukie, Paper Boy, Cockstrong, Judy and Postal.
BA: I know son, I am pretty damn cool but it’s not hard being cooler than those DH’s.
Windows to everyone who was within earshot
Windows: If anyone of you $@#%*#@$ HC’s and then doesn’t show and I have to do burpees because of your @#$% HC I’m going to shove my foot up your @$$!!!!!!
With that BA gave a stirring devotional from the pages of James on the power of words and the damage the tongue can do to others followed by prayer requests followed with BA closing in prayer (meanwhile Windows seethed in anger as his glasses came to a full fog).
May God continue to bless all of you and thanks for allowing me to Q this workout and be among such an outstanding group of men. The pleasure was all mine.