Modified Murph

WARMUP:  Since arm circles and toe touches are fairy wastes of everyone’s time, we avoided all that jazz and moseyed on over to the Brick Pile.

In my opinion, all good workouts are ones that make you want to quit.  The closer we get to that breaking point, the greater is that endorphin high afterwards as you're always glad you didn't Kelly Bryant (quit).  All the guys pushed really hard this morning making me proud to be a Clinic Strong.

 

THE THANG:  Modified Murph

Sprint to far end of Brick City parking lot, grab rope, pull tire back to start, and then begin modified Murph.

Modified Murph:

1 mile run

100 burpees

200 merkins

300 mountain climbers

1 mile run

 

Parking Lot Sprint:  Sprint length of parking lot doing 1 burpee at each light pole.

Mosey back to AO

 

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

-Prefontaine meeting at WZ 0530

-Paula Dean and Skinny Pete kick off Goruck Friday night.

 

PRAYER REQUESTS:

-#99

-Groundblind’s family as Step-mom passed away unexpectedly Tuesday

 

DEVO:

Often times when we close in prayer, we say something to the effect of, “Please be with us as we go out into the day that we do things that bring glory to and are pleasing to you.”  This morning, I shared some recent examples I have seen where guys have gone above and beyond and in doing so really put others above themselves as they were doing things at times when I’m sure they would rather be home relaxing or spending time with their families.  Things that were for other people.  Things that were surely pleasing to God.

Not wanting to be that guy on The Weather Channel who climbed up on top his roof to avoid being washed away by the storm, I took my kids to the mountains during Hurricane Florence.  While there, my phone rings one morning.  “Dean Hall” (@Shaffer) pops up on the caller ID.  “This can’t be good”, I thought to myself as I envisioned one of my skyscraper pine trees having fallen on my house or his.  While that wasn’t the case, he was calling to say I had a river of water under my house and he had already contacted David Segars (@Green Acres) who was coming over to pump the water out.  David spent 2 hours pumping that day (was doing this for other homes as well) and 3 hours the next day.  By the way, David had just returned from a backpacking trip in Montana and I’m sure wanted to be home with his family.

The second example I gave involved my son Everett’s flag football team.  Danny Dorsel (@StepShow) is the head coach and I am the assistant.  After our last practice, a mom said she does not get off work until 6 and would bring her son to our 5:30 practices after she gets off.  This week at practice, Danny rolls up in the Volvo.  First, his 2 sons get out and then the kid whose mom didn’t get off until 6:00.  Like David and Dean, Danny didn’t have to do that, but he did.

Lastly, I shared that Angela Demby, who replaced me as MES principal, sent me a text this week that had a picture attachment.  Unbeknownst to me, the daughter of a former work colleague works for The ALS Association and participated in “Climb to Defeat ALS” (http://web.alsa.org/site/TR?fr_id=13080&pg=entry).  In the pic, you will notice a girl in an orange Clemson hat (family = huge USC fans). Though I do not know her, she (Lyles Eddins) climbed a mountain in Colorado in my honor and in doing so personally raised $5,720.  The group, which hiked in honor of 12 individuals with ALS and in memory of 17 who have lost the fight, raised over $60,000 for ALS research.  I thought this was awesome and am humbled to have been included.

 

In knowing you guys and what I’ve seen from you, I don’t think you struggle with this, but after reflecting on all this throughout the week, I realized I do a lot of these type things for my own family, but need to do a better job reaching out to help others outside of my family the way David, Dean, and Lyles did for me.

Lord, please be with us as we go out into the day that we do things that bring glory to and are pleasing to you.

 

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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Burpees, Burpees, and More Burpees

CONDITIONS:  Not terrible for early September

 

WARM-UP:  Mosey

 

THE THANG:  100 yard sprint and recover while directions explained

Cone 1:  50 burpees, bear crawl 10 yards to next cone, run 100 yards and back

Cone 2:  45 burpees, bear crawl 10 yards to next cone, run 100 yards and back

Cone 3:  40 burpees, bear crawl 10 yards to next cone, run 100 yards and back

Cone 4: 35 burpees, bear crawl 10 yards to next cone, run 100 yards and back

Cone 5: 30 burpees, bear crawl 10 yards to next cone, run 100 yards and back

Cone 6:  25 burpees, bear crawl 10 yards to next cone, run 100 yards and back

Cone 7:  20 burpees, bear crawl 10 yards to next cone, run 100 yards and back

 

7 cone suicide:  Slower group given head start.  Faster group charged with trying to catch them.

Mosey back to AO

 

MARY

  • As many merkins as possible in 1 minute

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Prefontaine meeting at track Friday morning.  Labatt on the Q.

 

PRAYER REQUESTS

Stallion’s family as having difficult time over loss of grandfather

StepShow’s 3 year old daughter who has spent last 2 nights at Carolina Pines.  Hope to come home today.

 

MOLESKIN:

As he did at Farsight Tuesday, Southern Bell again failed to show for his Q.  Not knowing what to do, the men looked to their leader.  “No fear” I told them and then proceeded to put together a Q that I have to admit was pretty damn hard.  During the post-workout awards ceremony, voting was anonymous that I “Leave it all on the field” and Southern Bell won our prestigious D.H.O.T.W. award.

Congratulations to Bowtie for winning the 7 cone suicide race.  You were spectacular!  Magnificent really.

Congratulations to Woodchip for winning first runner up to Bowtie on the suicide race.  You were almost as spectacular.  “Magnificent” might be stretching it a bit.

Shamu, here is a link to purchase one of those super cool Paula Dean hats you inquired about https://f3.mudgear.com/collections/running-gear/products/f3-reflective-headsweats-race-hat

T-claps to Juicebox for being the only Consumed band member man enough to show up to receive such a well-planned an difficult beat down.

T-Claps to Winkles for……….drawing a blank here……..well, never mind.

Shame shame on Beast Lite and Judge Judy for saying whatever you said that offended Chainsaw causing him to get in truck and leave early. #D.H.’sO.T.W.

 

FARTSACKERS:

Groundblind:  Typical rucker, get a itty bitty little hat decoration and then quit.

Entire Churchill Gang (BarFly, Pinocchio, Lucky Charms):  Bad headaches and dehydration, most likely from viscous pillow fight.

Radar:  Standing in front of bathroom mirror flexing for shirtless selfies.

Postal:  Already made his 1 workout of the week appearance.

Skinny Pete:  Getting mind right to lead his team at Blue Ridge Relay

Stallion:  Up all night making sandwiches for class

StepShow:  Early morning hair transplant consultation.

Benchwarmer:  Switched to more tank top friendly AO

Chopper:  Rented out to pit-bull puppy mill stud farm.  Serves that b@tch right!

Dumper:  Hurt his back.  Probably the same way Chopper did.

Audit:  Knocking out beers in Europe harder than the little sweet one hits the Mike’s Hard Lemonade

Lil Sweet:  Late night teaching Jolly Rancher tricks to sheep.

Lukie: Coming back this week

Coxswain:  Naked and afraid shacked up in Coker Athletics student housing.

Pathfinder:  Up late installing silencer on loud ass Jeep and planting IED’s in Stallion’s massive bologna stash

 

DEVO:

Everyone has somewhere they dislike going.  For me, it’s the doctor.  Two weeks ago, I went to an appointment with my ALS doctor in Charlotte for the first time in 6 months.  While there, I did not get the best report as my breathing capacity had dropped 14% over past 6 months.  I don’t like that because I like to run and compete and you can’t run if you can’t breathe.  Respiratory failure is what ultimately takes you out with ALS, so a 14% decline bothered me and reminded me that this thing is real.  It bothered me for a couple of days and then I just let it go.

Two years ago next month, I led a Clinic Q and then broke down during my devo telling the guys that the night before a neurologist in Columbia told me he thought I had ALS.  That was completely shocking to me as I went to that appointment with no worries and only even went to appease my wife.

On the ride back, we stopped at Walmart in Camden to look for a bike for one of my children.  About 2 miles before we got there, I for the first time Googled “ALS” on my phone.  I had no idea what it was, did not know it was fatal, and did not know average life expectancy was 2-5 years.  My mind began to scramble.  Somewhere in that scrambling, I had a vision of my daughter Kaiti running a race without me there.  Up until that point, we had always run races together.  For only the second time ever, my wife saw me cry as I broke down there in the car.

Fast forward a year later and Kaiti had as a 6th grader started practicing cross country with Harstville High School even though she could not compete until 7th grade.  On a rare depressing/feel sorry for myself day, I remember telling my wife, “I’m never going to get to see Kaiti race.”  That was another time the tears flowed.  That was what I at the time believed.

Fast forward 1 more year and Kaiti is running her first race for Hartsville High.  There at Wilson High School (9/4/18), I am waiting to watch Kaiti race for the first time.  Being more nervous than she, I was by myself when the race began as I had paced for a good 45 minutes.  From the start line to the woodline, where the runners go out of site into the woods for about a mile, is 300 yards.  I was standing at the woodline watching this large pack of girls race towards me.  I couldn’t see my daughter and my heart began to sink as I just knew she had tripped and been trampled.  As they get close, I see my daughter and notice she is way out front heading into the woods as the 2nd girl.  Completely unexpected for someone who seldom sheds a tear, I lost it.  Luckily, no one could see me behind my dark sunglasses.

For well over a year, I prayed to God to have the opportunity watch her race.  That prayer was answered.  I got to see her race.  I got to see her win.  I know there will most likely be races I will not get to see and while I do now hope and plan on seeing many more, if I never got to see another one, I am now at peace with that.  My prayer was answered.

Making reference to a good Beast Lite devo from Tuesday, sometimes you have to let go of what you are clinching in your fist to best be able to receive God.  It could be finances, anger, resentment, forgiveness, or something else.  Whatever it may be, you have to let it go.  For me, I had to let go of circumstances I could not control.  When life deals you a really bad hand, do not resent God for it.  Focus on the many blessings he has bestowed upon you as you most likely take so many for granted.

 

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

 

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ALL IN

CONDITIONS:  WET & MUDDY 

WARMUP:

2 laps around Clinic parking lot (Judge Judy is now ruined too as he turned it into a race)

 

THE MAIN THANG:

Run to far fence at back end of soccer fields and back (not a mosey)

50 Air Squats

10 Burpees

40 Sit-Ups

10 Burpees

30 Lunges (60 total) & 30 Derkins

10 Burpees

20 Kettlebell Swings

10 Burpees

10 Block Shoulder Presses

10 Burpees

20 Kettlebell Swings         

10 Burpees

30 Lunges (60 total) & 30 Curls

10 Burpees

40 Sit-Ups

10 Burpees

50 Air Squats

Upon completion, immediately start the next phase of workout.  For this phase, cones were set up in a rectangle.  There were no exercises in the corners.  The exercise was the movement from cone to cone.

  • Cone 1 to 2: Rolling Merkins:  merkin, roll, merkin, roll etc. until reaching next cone
  • Cone 2 to 3: Bear Crawl
  • Cone 3 to 4: Donkey Kick Broad Jump Merkins
  • Cone 4 to 1: Bear Crawl

*Upon getting all the way around the rectangle, pax immediately grabbed a sandbag, ran to the fence and back, and then began the rectangle and sandbag run again until time was finally called.

 

MARY:

3 minutes of as many merkins and big-boy sit-ups as the pax could do.  There was no rest.  Pax switched back and forth continuously between the two exercises until time was called.

 

MOLESKIN:

In an effort to motivate the men who motivate me, I taped inspirational pictures beside the workout on my children’s teacher easel and set this bad boy up right where the men began putting in the work.  Being the master motivator that I am, I made sure to include the following pictures:

  • StepShow doing his thang (step routine / breakdancing combo) in front of a packed gym
  • Benchwarmer wearing his traditional sleeveless blouse

 

  • Winkles sporting a cape as he sprinted across a resort pool area trying to save innocent Michelob Ultras from being devoured by the sleeveless wonder affectionately known as Bad Ass.

 

  • Chainsaw decked out in a tux grinning ear to ear like Paula Dean when taking a loaf of freshly baked bread out of the oven.

 

  • Fender holding Baby Beasley in a sweet gay moment

 

  • Skinny Pete displaying crazy eyes upon seeing Fender holding Baby Beasley in a sweet gay moment.

 

  • The Clinic’s, Farsight’s, WarZone’s, Revolution’s, and Goruck Light’s very own Stallion up all night breastfeeding the teething baby thus preventing him from getting enough shuteye to attend a workout.

 

  • Arnold jumping over “fire” (birthday candle) making an unexplainably strage midair leprechaun pose.

 

  • Pre-F3 fat drunk BarFly laying topless on floor playing pink toy guitar.

 

Other Sights & Sounds From The Day:

Judge Judy bear crawls like a damn tyrannosaurus rex.  Fast as hell!

While I have no idea what “EPO” stands for, I think we should rename him “Filibuster” as he never stops talking.  Never!  As StepShow said after the workout, “He might talk, but he does it while pushing.”  No harm as EPO puts in the work.

Baby Beasley cannot keep a secret.

BarFly is a pervert.

Paperboy is as well.  Unlike BarFly, I have no proof.  Just a hunch.

WoodChip: Said something around 5:25 like, “I don’t want to be here.  I don’t even like ya’ll”.

Chainsaw:  Stayed until 6:20 thinking he was going to get a Dabo Sweeney signed football, the rock from Arnold, a PBR from Stallion, or an invitation from Fender & Baby Beasley.  While he got not of those, he did get to spend some additional quality time with EPO and that’s never a bad thing.

Groundblind:  Can't crack on this guy.  He defines Beast Mode.  Not to mention the fact that he did not jump any fences like he did at Stallion's Q to sprint towards the pooper.

Patel & Labatt:  Not going to crack on these guys.  Even though they have disappeared from Clinic workouts like Fender and Baby Beasley slipping off together for a 2 month get away on a private island, it was good to have these guys back.  After the workout, I got a chance to tell Patel I was glad he was here today and he responded, “I was here for you.”  I like to joke, but things like that mean a lot to me.

Arnold:  Fartsacked.  Must have choked on a Jolly Rancher.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Benchwarmer gave a report on Radar who is doing well. No cancer!  As further proof of the good F3 does, Radar said he was appreciative and emotional at all the texts and phone calls he received.  T-Claps men!  That is what we are all about.

  • I forgot to mention it, but t-claps to Judge Judy doubled down rucking through the darkness by himself. He is on pace to complete his F250 in June!!

 

  • Today, Skinny Pete presented me with a football signed by Dabo Sweeney and addressed to “Bowtie”. What I did not know before today was that Dabo’s good friend from Alabama was diagnosed with ALS at the age of 41.  This past year, Dabo offered a full scholarship to his son.  Some of the fan base did not understand and felt he was wasting a scholarship since he was not a highly recruited kid, but life and doing what is right is about a lot more than winning football games.  If you have not read this article, take a minute to do so.  Like talking about ALS, reading this sort of stuff does not bother me.  What I do not like to do is look at pictures of ALS patients further along with trachs and wheel chairs.  While it used to bother me seeing pictures of my growing bald spot, I laugh at those these days, but now hate seeing pictures like I saw this morning of my skinny arms, wrists, and hands.  While I do not like seeing my little arm muscles withering away, my mind is strong.  Here is a quote from Lou Gehrig.  I feel the same way.  I have good friends, a good family, and a loving God.  I have had a good life and it is not yet over.  “Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I might have been given a bad break, but I've got an awful lot to live for.” – Lou Gehrig on July 4, 1939

http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/story/sports/college/football/2016/02/03/turner-entrusting-son-swinneys-care-clemson/79759964/

 

DEVO:  For me and for many, F3 is an escape, but is more than that.  It is not something I escape to as being something separate from my life.  It is a huge part of my life.  For that reason it is always an honor to lead, to follow, and to share a devo like the one below that I shared today.

Over the weekend, I was flipping channels and caught an episode of E60 on ESPN.  This particular episode was of 3 time word surfing champion Mic Fanning.  Australian native Mic Fanning, who heavily incorporated fitness into his surf training, was surfing a big tournament in J-Bay South Africa in 2015.  Although he was in 4th place going into the final round, many considered him to be the favorite to win the tournament.  As he sat on his board waiting for the perfect wave, the large fin of a 12 foot 1 ton great white shark arose out of the water and began to attack.  At first, Fanning tried keeping the board between the shark and himself.  Then, he began to swim as fast as he could towards the shore.  Being so far off shore, he soon realized he had no chance of escaping the shark so he turned to face it and was determined to fight should it attack again.  As all of this was taking place, jet skis and rescue boats raced towards him.  After what seemed like forever, the rescue boats arrived and pulled Fanning onboard physically unharmed.  That night, a shaken Mic Fanning said he was done and would never get back in the water.  Six days later, he did the unthinkable.  He returned to the water.  Fanning did not miss a single tournament.  Not only did he not miss a tournament, he continued to win.  Later on that year, he was in Hawaii for the final tournament of the year. Fanning was first place in the points standings and a win at the tournament would mean a 4th world championship.  On the day of the tournament, there was a 5 a.m. knock at his door.  He knew this was strange and was not good.  Days prior, he had lunch with his brother who told him, “You are my hero.  My favorite thing in the world to do is watch you surf.”  When Mic opened the door, it was his mother.  She told him his 43 year old brother had died of a heart attack.  Amazingly, Mic Fanning went on to surf that day and did it because, “That’s what my brother would want me to do.”  Later on, almost a year to the day of the shark attack that almost took his life, Fanning again did the unthinkable.  He surfed in the same J-Bay tournament where he had been attacked.  Not only did he surf, but he won.

At the end of this E60 documentary, Mic Fanning said the following, “Life is like the ocean,  unpredictable.  You just have to keep riding the waves.  Life will deal you some bad cards and if you’re not careful, those card will cripple you. I made the decision not to let them cripple me.  I made the decision to allow those cards to make me better.”

You know, with what I am dealing with, I don’t know that I am better, but it has put what is truly important into perspective.  Skinny Pete presented me the football on behalf of The Clinic and said I inspire them.  I mentioned Radar and how with his health issues recently told me he wasn’t scared for himself, but like me was scared for his daughters who would suffer should something happen to him.  I am inspired by guys like Woodchip and Skinny Pete who at home have to deal with some difficult things with their innocent children yet come out here to the workouts and appear to be so strong.  By ourselves we are weak.  Together we are strong and make each other strong.  Clinic Strong!  F3 Strong!  Bring it in for prayer....

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

You already voted!

Don’t Listen To Voice In Your Head

 

WARMUP:

  • Mosey from WZ over to Coker soccer fields.

 

THE THANG I (25’ish minutes straight):

Dora Burpees:  Partner 1 did burpees while partner 2 ran to cone and back.  Flipflop.  Because the cones were only 10 yards away, partners only got in about 3 burpees each time before switching.  We did 100.

 

THE MAIN THING

4 cones set up with 1 of them in each corner of soccer field (almost 400 meters all the way around).  At each cone, there were sets of exercises.  Reps decreased after each lap.  To get from cone to cone, men ran.  The only exception was from cone 1 to soccer goal (40 yards away) where men did broad jump burpees.

Cone 1:  Jump Lunges (35, 30, 25, 20)........done with hands in air

Cone 2: Merkin / Big-Boy Combo (30, 25, 20, 15):    For these, you did 1 merkin and then rolled over doing 1 big-boy sit-up repeating until you alternated back and forth after each rep doing 30 merkins and 30 big-boys.

Cone 3: Mountain Climbers (40, 35, 30, 25):  Every other foot equaled 1 (40 = 80).

Cone 4: burpees (x10)

After completing 2 laps, pax picked up a sandbag and ran around the 4 cone 400 meter track.  Upon completion, pax dropped their sandbag and began round #2.

To push everyone, some of the faster guys were selected to start off with the sandbags.  The other guys were charged with not letting that group lap them.

Time called at 25 minutes.  Men were to jog over to cone #1 and then do exercises on the six.

 

Partner Block Thing:  5 cones were spread out the distance of the soccer field.  Partners partner carried a block to cone 1 and then back to start.  Upon getting back to start, partners did x20 patty-cake merkins and then did partner block carry run to cone #2 repeating the pattern through all 5 cones.

 

Sprints

  • 75 meter sprint (no recovery before lining up ready to go again)
  • 75 meter sprint (very little recovery time)
  • 200 meter sprint (jog 100 meter recovery after sprint)
  • 200 meter sprint (jog 200 meter recovery after sprint)
  • 400 meter sprint

 

More Sprints:  From Governor’s school all the way back to the WZ, x5 cones were set up with distances varying from 100, 150, and 200 meters.  On go, all men sprinted to cone, waited on 6, and then got ready to go again.

At the end of our 1st or 2nd sprint back to WZ, we were passed by Italian Stallion who decided to drive my truck back since he was suffering from such excruciating pinky toe pain.

 

SUMMARY & DEVO:

As we circled up to start the workout, I told the men my goal that day was to make them want to quit and their goal was not to quit nor let anyone around them quit.  I explained that anytime you do something hard, that voice in your head will surface telling you to just quit.

As we circled up to end the workout, I told them I was going to do as StepShow had recently done at The Clinic.  Rather than read or discuss something, I told the men I was giving them a minute to think and I would then like for them (if comfortable) to share a prayer request.  In going around the circle, every man shared.  Many of the shares were pretty deep.  As was the case when Stepper lead us through this at TC, we learned a lot about difficult situations our F3 brothers are going through that we did not know they were going through.  As I have often been recently reminded, everyone has, is, or will go through some very difficult situations.  F3 is great because it is an outlet to escape what we are dealing with.  It is also a place we can go to lean on others who understand, support, and pray for our healing.

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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Sandbags: A Man’s Best Friend

 

Conditions:  60 degrees & damp

WARMUP:

  • X20 side straddle hops
  • Mosey over to start line

 

THE THANG I (27 minutes straight):

5 cones set up with 4 of them in each corner of soccer fields (just less than ½ mile all the way around).  At each cone, there were sets of exercises.  Reps decreased after each lap.  To get from cone to cone, men ran.  The only exception was from cone 1 to cone 2 (75 yards away) where men did broad jump burpees.

Cone 1:  Block Curls (40, 35, 30, 25)

Cone 2: Merkin / Big-Boy Combo (30, 25, 20, 15):    For these, you did 1 merkin and then rolled over doing 1 big-boy sit-up repeating until you alternated back and forth after each rep doing 30 merkins and 30 big-boys.

Cone 3: Mountain Climbers (40, 35, 30, 25):  Every other foot equaled 1 (40 = 80).

Cone 4: Plyo-Merkins (10, 10, 10, 10):  Hands had to come off ground when exploding to up position.

Cone 5: Burpees (10, 10, 10, 10)

After completing a lap, pax picked up a sandbag and ran around an alternate 4 cone 400 meter track.  Upon completion, pax dropped their sandbag and began round #2.

Those obnoxious terds who call themselves IYAFYL started off on the sandbags.  The other guys who the terds thumb their nose at were charged with not letting IYAFYL catch them.

Time called at 27 minutes.  Men were to jog over to cone #1 and then do burpees on the six.  Thanks Groundblind for giving us the fabulous waiting on the six exercise.

 

THE THING II (Pax divided into 2 heats for most sprints.  Heats started on Q’s command.)

Sprints

  • 75 meter sprint (no recovery before lining up ready to go again)
  • 75 meter sprint (very little recovery time)
  • 200 meter sprint (jog 100 meter recovery after sprint)
  • 200 meter sprint (jog 200 meter recovery after sprint)
  • 400 meter sprint (jog to flag for Mary)

*I call them “heats”, but I’m not trying to fool anyone.  At The Clinic, “heats” are cut your ass get out of the damn way races.  Not sure who won what other than the most prestigious race we had......the 400 meters.  Even though, that was the only one that left guys in absolute awe of the winner, I know MKA Mechanical (Groundblind & Judge Judy) along with ole Woodchip (formerly Stallion’s “Life Coach") were cutting some serious ass on the 75’s and 200’s.

*Chainsaw may have had to left early, but was cutting ass and taking names running with that sandbag like Stallion chasing down the Fed-Ex man wondering where the hell his Jelly of the Month package is (more on the jelly later).

*We all know Groundblind is fast, but I think he’s even faster running with a sandbag on what Arnold describes as Kirk’s “strong and sexy shoulders”.

 

MARY

  • Flutter Kicks (x15)

 

ADDITIONAL:

For the record, please let it me noted that for the well planned activity that was 4 corners, the Q gave clear and concise directions that the kindergartners at his school would have been able to follow.  Being an expert myself on running instructions, I would have thought the men under my command  would have been able to follow a simple course route.  Well, all did except for our very own Special Forces Pathfinder who mistakenly ran almost ½ mile with a sandbag before realizing you only had to run 400 meters with them.  Upon discovery of his critical mistake, there was language that was both offensive and uncalled for.

Groundblind: Just after the extensive warm-up of x15 side-straddle hops, the men began their mosey over to the corner of the field for the main show.  That is when we saw Groundblind’s truck screaming into the parking lot Stallion style.  When informed he had missed the warm-up, Groundblind exclaimed “The toilet at the house is plenty warm”.  T-Claps to Groundblind for doubling down with a 30 minute pre-workout air-chair.

Baby Beasley:  As Radar, Paula Dean, Paperboy, and now Benchwarmer will agree, this guy is by far our fastest 50+ year old.

Mystery Gloves:  On way to work, I sensed something was just different.  As I went through my mental checklist, it hit me that my truck did not stink.  I had left my gloves and shirt at The Clinic.  Making the detour toward TC, I pull in and almost immediately found my lost items.  As  I get out of the truck, something else catches my eye.  I draw closer.  It was an extremely small pair of what appeared to be ladies purple dishwashing gloves.  Who the hell would wear these things?  Posting these things on the Clinic chat, not one person claimed them.  Later I checked my text and realized an ashamed pax privately claimed them.  No problems StepShow; I’ll put them in your mailbox.  And yes, Groundblind recognizing them and stating on the Clinic board that, “I believe they belong to Mrs. Dorsel” was just an immature jab that we have all come to expect from the IYAFYL terds.

Chainsaw:  After a last minute Temple scratch realizing Groundblind’s 900+ squat Tuesday workout had reinjured a childhood figure skating injury, Chainsaw recovered triumphantly for a Thursday performance so dominant other timber guys like Hooker would be proud should the temperatures ever climb above 80 degrees so he can rejoin us.

Pathfinder:  After showing up at Temple at 0330 for the 0530 2nd shift Wednesday and to Macs 3 days early for HH, Pathfinder only gets to The Clinic 35 minutes early for my Q.  Come on man!  What the hell?  What, you scared of the birds?

Dumper:  Speaking of directions, Dumper evidently took a wrong turn as he jogged into the parking lot about 10 minutes before Poopy Pants Askins showed up.  Speaking of showing up, I think WarZone now calls not showing up to your own Q “Wall-E’ing”.  This replaces the previous Lexicon term “Tartersacking”.

Stallion:  I’ll be damned. The Stallion made it.  Upon going out to the mailbox at 0455 to see if his Jelly of the Month Club package had arrived in the mail, he soon realized he had locked himself out of the house and decided to come on to The Clinic rather than wake the family ringing the doorbell.  Not sure how the baby got breast fed, but Stallion did reaffirm his love for his compassionate Clinic brothers telling us how much we meant to him and that he was third.  While we appreciate the love, all in attendance agreed you were not third.  Looking at those sprints, I’d say you are about 10th or 11th.

Churchill:  Stealing Stallion’s Jelly of the Month box, infusing jelly with Everclear, and then setting Wednesday night P.R.’s for most jelly shots taken did not make for one damn one of these fine physical specimens making it out to T.C.  “Fine Physical Specimen” is something else I overheard Arnold saying about Groundblind.  What a sicko!  Watch out for the Jolly Ranchers G.B.!

“Skinny Pete The Fartsacker”:  Yesterday, Skinny Peter had a minor ACL surgery.  Following his little procedure, he took to The Clinic chat board bitching and moaning about this and that all the while EPO dealt with a sprained ankle and Benchwarmer dealt with having his testicles removed with little to no whining.

Speaking of Benchwarmer, it wasn’t until Mary that we even realized he wasn’t there.  It was then that his whereabouts were questioned and Groundblind responded, “I think he had a lump taken out of his breast yesterday.”  Someone else responded, “He was castrated yesterday”.  When the Q asked Arnold if they could be reattached, Arnold responded, “Can’t reattach what was never there to begin with.”

In actuality, Bad Ass texted a several of us an unattractive picture Wednesday of him in a hospital bed wearing an off the shoulder low cut hospital gown / blouse with a sarcastic message thanking us for all the cards and flowers.  Rather than asking what was going on, the men on the text chain immediately made their own predictions and threw out the following comments of compassion and brotherly love:

Stallion: “What the hell happened to you?”

Groundblind: “I didn’t know you got your prostate examined when you turned 47? Baby             Beasley, can you comment?

Baby Beasley:........I cannot repeat what he said on here!

Woodchip:  “Birthday gerbil never came out?”

Stallion: “So do we call you Caitlin now?”

Bad Ass:  “Had to do a penis reduction.  It was so big it was causing back problems.”

Stallion:  “They reduced that thing into a vag&%a.”

Woodchip: “He is now Michelle”

Bowtie:  “When they bring you out your testicles, take them home and give them to Bo Norris.     He eats those damn things.”

Woodchip: “I don’t care what you identify as, I accept you as you.”

Bowtie:  “You guys want to sign up to take a meal to Holt?  Anyone? Anyone? No one? Alright,    that’s cool.”

Arnold: “I heard he likes link sausage.”

In all seriousness, all men with no exceptions pushed themselves today.  Iron sharpens iron and the effort level at The Clinic was contagious today.  I was proud to be your Q.

Thank you as well to Pathfinder for helping me set up and both Pathfinder and StepShow for helping me get all that mess back to the brick pile while you guys headed home to your warm showers.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

  • HH 0530.  Don’t make Pathfinder drink alone!
  • T-Claps Pathfinder on setting P.R. @ Temple
  • Sign up for Mudrun

 

DEVOTION:  For me, devos often talking about what is going on with my life (good or bad).  Yesterday, I had a 9:00-6:00 appointment at my Charlotte ALS clinic.  Walking in, I saw people in wheelchairs breathing and feeding devices near the end stages of the disease.  That pissed me off to see. Next, I had to meet with a social worker.  She was a nice person, but also ticked me off some as she asked, “How are you dealing with all of this?”  I told her, “I’m fine.  It is what it is.”  She pressed me saying things like, “What exactly is it is what it is?”  I couldn’t get out of that room fast enough.  My support system does not involve talking to strangers about my feelings.  My support system is my home family and my F3 family.  After escaping from that room, things got better.  With the exception of some hand grip strength, almost every test they did had better results than they did 6 weeks ago.  The one I was most pleased with were the respiratory tests that had improved since last time.  That is important as respiratory failure is what ultimately takes you out with ALS.  I was also pleased to find out a new Japanese drug is about to be approved by the FDA in a couple of weeks  that when taken with what I already take has been shown in trials to slow down disease progression a little further.

After giving my appointment update, I mentioned something from one of StepShow’s recent Q’s that I have though back to many times.  On the fly, Stepper recently dropped what he had planned as his devo.  Instead, he went around the circle and encouraged everyone to share and ask for prayers for someone.  Pretty much everyone shared and we learned things we had no idea were even going on.  The reflection for me on that devo was that everyone is, has, or will go through something.  Everyone needs prayer and support.  F3 is special and we are lucky to have each other as a support system.

The second story I shared was from something that happened 2 Fridays ago.  I had decided I needed to start working back in some track work like I used to do.  The problem is when to find the time.  I went Friday after work.  I did not want to be there.  Motivation was not present.  Attitude was terrible.  Temperature was hot.  Cold beer was at home in the fridge.  Be that as it may, I had a set number of 400’s I had told myself I was going to run.  I ran the first one and almost got into my car.  I ran the second one and a hard wind was in my face making it even harder.

When I run, I often make the sign of the cross on my chest with my hand.  For me, it is like a quick prayer, a sign of respect to God, a thank you, and sometimes almost a prayer to help me get through a run.  Anyway, on this day, with the wind blowing in my face, I made the sign of the cross and said “God, if you are with me, put the wind behind me and push me through this.”  Well, I finished 200 meters, rounded the corner and had 200 meters left on 400.  The wind shifted to my back. I was like, “Wow, that is amazing”.  I begin 400 # 3 and the wind stayed in my face for the entire lap.  Each 400 after that was the same.  I kept saying, “God show me you are here by putting the wind at my back.”  It did not happen 1 time.  The whole run was terrible and God did not do what I asked.

The next day, Saturday, I came home from Convergence and as soon as I walked in the door, my daughter said, “Daddy, let’s go run”.  Well, that was the last thing I wanted to do as I was spent.  Be that as it may, I agreed and we headed to the track.  I gave her a workout to do and turned her loose.  While she did her thing, I decided I was going to run 5 miles (20 laps) on that same track that had about broke me the day before and I told myself I was going to push some.  As I started, I made the sign of the cross, but this time I did not tell God to make the wind blow or to do anything to show me he was there.  I simply made the sign of the cross on my chest and said, “God please lift me up and carry me through this run.”  What happened next was euphoric.  The P200 almost killed me.  I felt terrible on each run, was frustrated I could not go like I used to, blamed it on the medial stuff, and had pretty much told myself I’m done with fast running.  Maybe I am, but not on this Saturday morning.  On this Saturday morning, I ran a 6.50 pace for 5 miles (20 laps).  I wasn’t pushing that hard, didn’t get that tired, and felt like I could have dropped the hammer a lot further.

As I reflected on the Friday afternoon and Saturday morning runs, I though about 2 things.  On Friday, I foolishly told God what to do.  Essentially, I asked him to prove himself rather than just leaning on my faith.  On Saturday, I asked him for help.  As StepShow pointed out when we talked alone in the parking lot after the workout, he said, “It sounds like God was testing you.  He wanted you to ask for help.  When you did, he gave it to you.”  As men, pride sometimes prevents us from asking for help.  God wants us to ask.  He may not answer every prayer, but we cannot be angry.  He is in control, knows what is best, and loves us all.

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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Spring Break Clinic Style

CONDITIONS:  65 & damp

 

WARMUP:  Why the hell not?

  • x20 side straddle hops

 

THE THANG

Big 21

  • 21 merkins
  • 21 big-boys
  • 19 merkins
  • 19 ab things (left leg bent, right leg straight, left hand grabs left ankle, with right arm behind head sit-up touching elbow to bent knee)
  • 17 merkins
  • 17 ab things (opposite leg bent and straight)
  • 15 merkins
  • 15 big-boys
  • 13 merkins
  • 13 jump lunges (arms in air at 45 degree angle)
  • 11 merkins
  • 11 grass drills (hit the deck and get up)
  • 9 merkins
  • 9 lbc’s
  • 7 merkins
  • 7 lbc’s
  • 5 merkins (wide arm)
  • 5 big-boys
  • 3 merkins (close grip)
  • 3 big-boys
  • 1 half way down and hold
  • 1 iron cross and hold

 

Junk Yard Dogs

6 cones were spread out over 150 yards.  With your partner, run to first cone, do x5 junk yard dogs per man and then continue running to next cone repeating x5 junk yard dog pattern.  Once completed junk yard dogs at cone #6, partners run back to cone #1 to retrieve block.  Partner carry (run) block to cone #6, do x20 patty cake merkins, partner carry (run) block back to start.

 

THE MAIN THING

A GPS watch was used to set up a 400 meter track on the grass there at The Clinic.  This is where heart rate really became accelerated.

Sprints

100 meter (no recovery)

100 meter (no recovery)

200 meter (100 meter jog recovery)

200 meter (100 meter jog recovery)

400 meter (200 meter jog recovery)

400 meter carrying sandbag (no recovery)

x50 big-boy sit-ups

Jump lunges with hands in air (1 minute)

Partner sit-ups passing sandbag back and forth (1 minute)

200 meter (recovery was jog over to Mary circle)

 

MARY

  • x10 burpees

 

MOLESKIN

Prior to the workout, we were standing around shooting the sh@t.  In doing so, Arnold asked if we had seen where the winners of yesterday’s Boston Marathon ran a sub 6 minute mile pace.  After all agreeing that they would fit it well at The Clinic, more discussions and questions arose about the world’s most prestigious marathon.  Many of them were about qualifying and how difficult it was to do so. To that, Woodchip said, “I assume Fox winners are automatic qualifiers.”

As the clock struck 0530, it was evident the energy was not there at the beginning.  Little trash talk, no giggles, and an absence of man gas were noted.  Not sure what it was.  Was it the smaller crowd?  Was it that fact that The Clinic was up late on their chat board laughing at cyber bully Arnold who had posted photo shop pictures of Benchwarmer with the Blue Oyster Bar in a thought bubble or the one of a small furry rodent crawling out of Benchwarmer’s gluteus maximus?  Noticing the lack of energy, I knew I had to do something crazy that I never do.  That’s right....a warm-up.  You’re welcome!

Actually, the warmup was a stalling technique as we waited on Stallion who usually screams in the parking lot up on 2 wheels a few minutes late.  After the 1 minute warmup, still no Stallion who we later learn has promised to stick to his vow of making no more than 1 Clinic workout a week due to the fact that “my alarm clock didn’t go off”, he often stays up late breast feeding the baby, needs his sleep, and must rest up for the Goruck Heavy coming in the fall.

In a recent Sports Illustrated interview, local legend Woodchip (Stallion’s Life Coach) explained to the reporter his deep disappointment in The Stallion and said, “He is by far the most challenging client I have ever had.“ While there were various unbelievable examples given, the article best summarized Woodchip’s frustration when he was quoted saying, “I think I would have more success training Honey Boo Boo.”

Speaking of the six, someone has to be it.  While The Stallion was in bed sucking his thumb as if he were on a P200 van, Paula Dean was posting strange selfies of himself at some sort of spring break petting zoo.  Had Paula D been here today, we wouldn’t have had to do burpees until he walked up not caring that we were doing burpees waiting on him as today we were a little more Clinic like and a little less F3 Nation like as there was no waiting on the 6.  Sorry about that Hooker!  Actually, we did wait one time.  After 1 of the 200 meter sprints, we waited until the very second Hooker finished his 200 before shouting go for the next one.  You are welcome!  Leave no man behind!  And yes it was not appropriate for PaperBoy to stare down the 6 shaking his head in disgust.  No worries, I scolded PapeBoy in private following the workout.

Today, there was pretty much nothing the form police could have written tickets for.  Today was about pushing.  StepShow recently said, “Everyone has another level they can reach, but few are willing to go there.”  So true Stepper!  Today was more about pushing when you just wanted to lie down on you belly and not get up.

At The Clinic, we are competitive, but that is a good thing.  You can show up with your A game and still get humbled.  No matter how much of a physical specimen you may be, you show up with anything less than 100% effort, you are going to get your ass cut.  I think that was evident today as race winners changed about every time.  From the 1 to 9, every man was pushing and that really pleased me as the Q.  Iron sharpens iron.

If my memory halfway serves me correctly, the winners were as follows:

100 (Woodchip)

100 (Woodchip?)

200 meter (EPO?)

200 meter (Judge Judy?)

400 meter (Bowtie)

400 meter carrying sandbag (Woodchip)

200 meter (Bowtie)

 

As Woodchip proudly stuck out his chest as he approached the post-workout podium to accept his medals, it was pointed out that he was disqualified from all events since his junk yard dog partner Chainsaw left the workout early due to the fact that he had to poop.

Another protest was also made that Woodchip be disqualified due to the fact that he is on steroids for his “hurt shoulder”.  With Woodchip disgracefully disqualified, Judge Judy was awarded his medals.  A curious Arnold moseyed along behind Woodchip wanting to know what kind of steroid he was on, where he got them, and did he want to sell them.

Speaking of awards, Fender edged out Stallion for the prestigious  “Beard of the Year Award”.

 

Were there other Fartsackers?  Oh yea!

Skinny Peter was evidently down at the beach as he posted a picture of a neon sign for “Paula Dean’s Restaurant” and captioned it, “Hey Budhram, get in there and fix me a sandwich”

Benchwarmer says he was on a “family vacation” down in Florida.  While his secret is safe here, I think we all know “family vacation” means transgender rehab facility.

Baby Beasley says he is at some island called Punta Cana.

Winkles is at some island on Lake Robinson.

Pathfinder is at Daytona, Fort Lauderdale, or some other quiet family destination posting spring break photos from way up on his balcony.  Good thing he brought his usual supply of high powered scopes and night vision goggles as I am sure there is plenty to look at there....bird watching of course!!

Pinocchio’s son is playing travel baseball on the weekends which for some reason excludes him from working out during the week.

BarFly:  What the hell man?  Jello shots on a Monday night?

LuckyCharms:  Saving his legs for Temple

Radar:  Probably ran Boston Marathon yesterday

Groundblind:  Was given a tip Chainsaw had an upset tummy and no showed so as to not have to share his recently broken in dump bucket.

StepShow:  Late night.  Didn’t get in bed until 9:15.

“Labatt the Canadian Nightmare”:  Evidentially has had his workout visa revoked.

 

DEVO:

Proverbs 18:14   “The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit.”

I shared the story I recently read from my devotion book.  In the story, there were 2 brothers born 2 years apart.  The oldest (Ron) had cerebral palsy.  The younger brother (Billy) was completely healthy.  At some point during adulthood, both parents passed away.  The younger brother became the caregiver.   Over the years, as the younger brother would bring older brother in for appointment, it became obvious to the doctor that the younger brother was becoming more distant and unengaged.  The older brother with cerebral palsy was always the opposite as he was upbeat and engaged.

One night, the doctor (book author) was working the ER and was told an ambulance was in route with a 45 year old white male who had suffered a massive heart attack.  Before they got to the hospital, he was gone.  It was the younger brother Billy.  The doctor knew he would have to tell the older brother.  He did and he certainly did greave.  Having no living relatives, the doctor worried about what was going to happen to Ron and checked him into the hospital while they figured out what to do.  After about a week, they found and were able to check him into a Christian care facility.  The doctor worried about him knowing he had just lost his brother and the fact that he essentially would be institutionalized for the rest of his life.  As they wheeled the Ron away to the new facility, he was grinning from ear to ear and said, “This is going to be a new adventure.  God loves me.”

Ron was a perfect example of today’s verse “Though his body is sick, his spirit is lively.”  Personally, I feel I have been dealt a bad card this year.  Many others have or will be dealt a bad card to deal with.  As Hooker talked about last week in his devo, you can’t do anything about yesterday.  What you can control is today and the attitude you carry into it.  I cannot go around feeling sorry for myself.  I have to keep on living.  Might as well smile, laugh, and help make others do the same.  I mentioned the birds I heard chirping at that moment, the sun coming up in the distance, my friends there with me, and my family I was going home to kiss before departing for work.  Life is full of blessings and every day we live is one of them.

 

respectfully submitted by Bowtie

You already voted!

Rucks, Blocks, Tires, Sandbags

 

WARMUP:  Indian run with ruck and sandbags from Clinic to tennis courts playground.  One half of the men had on rucks. A sandbag was passed from the front to the back of the line while running.  The man at the back received the sandbag and then ran to the front.

 

THE MAIN THANG:  7 cones were set up starting at stop sign at tennis courts playground stretching past back of football fields all the way around to back entrance of softball fields.

Partner up:

Partner 1:  Wearing a ruck and dragging tire, push block to next cone.  From there, alternate bear crawling while dragging tire behind you to next cone with running dragging tire to next cone.  Once you got to softball field, you turned around and started coming back.  Anytime you got back to a cone with a block, you were doing block sliders wearing ruck and dragging tire.  Additionally, you did x10 ruck merkins at each cone.

Partner 2:   Run with sandbag in giant loop from stop sign, to softball field entrance, and around part of walking track until reaching back up with your partner.   At that point, partners flip flopped.

This went on for about 30 minutes until time was called and we did jumping jacks on the six.

 

Merkins with ruck:  1 minute

Merkins with ruck set II:  1 minute

 

Sprints:  From stop sign at tennis courts all the way back to The Clinic, there were six cones spaced out. On go, we sprinted to the first one.  The first one there called out the exercises to do while we waited on the six.  I cannot remember everyone who won a sprint, but below are who I remember and what they called out.

  • Judge Judy: Arm Circles
  • Groundblind: Burpees
  • Woodchip: Squats
  • ?: LBC’s
  • Groundblind: Flutter Kicks

 

MARY

  • Big Boy Sit-Ups (hands locked behind head): AMAP for 1 minute

 

MOLESKIN:

So I get there around 0445 to set everything up.  I wisely decided to set up Benchwarmer’s stolen road cones hoping that not too long there after someone would show up early to help me grab sandbags, tires, rucks, and blocks to move them over by the playground.  Much to my chagrin, I see headlights pull into the Clinic parking lot right before 0500.  As I drive down to recruit some help, I notice it is Arnold’s new Barbie Jeep.  I pull up.  He does not get out.  Is he asleep I wondered?  Did I catch him with the seat reclined having a private moment?  Nope, Jeep was empty.  At that point, I know there is only one place he could be….the ladies room.  I enter.   No one is there.  Might as well try the men’s room.  I enter.   It appears no one is there.  From the doorway, I look under the stalls.  At first, I see nothing.  Then, I notice two little shoes completely suspended in the air.  Found him!

Sandbags:   Heading home now to scold my 11 year old daughter for doing a poor job tying the new sandbags we filled the other night.  The bad news was half of my sandbag wound up in my shoe.  The good news was it did get lighter the more I ran.

Spartan Men:  It was good to have 3 Spartan men among us this morning.  As it turns out, all three lost something out there during Saturday’s Spartan Sprint.   Arnold says he lost feeling in his left foot just as he did in the P200.  While Benchwarmer graciously offered to give him a full body exam, Arnold has instead elected to go see our F3 Florence brother Thunderbird for a less thorough more professional exam.

Groudblind lost his timing chip that would have put him on the podium finishing first out of like 7,000 participants in his class.  That is pretty damn strong right there!!!

Stallion lost his timing chip that would have put him on the podium??  Hell no.  That’s too funny right there.  While he did get his participation medal, he lost his wedding ring winning him Caddell Family MVP honors.  His prize for winning such a prestigious award?  You guessed it…..An all expense trip to sleeping on the couch until further notice.  Congratulations Stallion!

T-Claps Benchwarmer on scoring your first “kill” of the year as you ran from the back all the way to the front during the Indian run.

Paula Dean:  Stallion is wrong.   Guys at The Clinic are not “dicks”.  At any other AO, guys would have been pissed watching you walk as the rest of the guys did burpees on the six.  At The Clinic, we recognized this was a training technique you were using to get us in better shape.  Iron sharpens iron.  T-Claps.  You are 3rd.

Radar:  As always, good work.  Was honored to be your partner.  Relieved too as I almost got stuck having to partner with Paperboy.

The Great Houdini:  Right at 0530, we headed out.  At 6:15, we circle up for Mary.  As we did, I notice Hooker being there.  I did think to myself I didn’t even realize he had been there.  Come to later find out, he showed up a couple minutes late and couldn’t find us so he just worked out at The Clinic and then sneaked into circle at the end.  Sneaky indeed!  He got there faster than Skinny Pete and Arnold to free cover night at an all male review.

Who can help?  Woodchip tells me the number 858-0653 has been popping up on his phone at all hours of the night. When answered, says he hears heavy breathing and deep moans.  If you have any idea who this pervert may be, please contact the proper authorities or call Crime Stoppers today.

Judge Judy:  I heard so much about all the talking JJ did at Brick City yesterday.  The only talking I heard from him today was about how mean and insensitive Divac was to him at Brick City.   Do not fear JJ, The Clinic Board is reviewing the case and will likely call Divac in for Clinic Q School as putting down your fellow pax is never okay.

Speaking of that, Stallion speaks up during Mary and says, “It was nice having Kaz here today. You can tell he does not attend The Clinic regularly as he actually said things of encouragement as he lapped me instead of what I usually get here like pick it up fat ass.”

Woodchip:  After beating Stallion in that sprint, was it really necessary  to take a sharpie out of your sock to sign him an autograph?

Chainsaw:  Hey man, please send me a few selfies today.  Did not get a chance to get your picture.

Woodchip:  Hey man, please take a few pics of Chainsaw today.  Did not get a chance to get his picture.

Paperboy:  Hey man, please do not sext me any more pictures today.   Did not get a chance to delete all the pics Benchwarmer sexted me.  Phone memory almost full.

Baby Beasley:  Just a bit of advice, don’t use the last stall in the men’s room.  Saw a midget in there this morning about 0500 blowing it up.

Fender:  Is it true Skinny Pete (aka Crazy Eyes) thinks your beard is sexy?

BarFly:  Glad you made it back folowing your courageous fight with the flu.  Genius by the way making Theraflu jello shots.  #churchillpharmacy

 

Although we had 17, was still deeply disappointed in our fart sackers:

StepShow:  So your wife is out of town and you have all 4 kids by yourself.  What the hell kind of excuse is that?  We worked out right by a playground.

2/3 Churchill:  Theraflu jello shots are just for people who have the flu!

Winkles:  Must be too sunburned from fishing naked chested from when you humiliated your daughter on the 2.0 camping trip.

Pathfinder:  Still camping at Norris Farms?

Labatts:  Canadian Holliday?

EPO:  New reality show “9 Kids and Growing” filming this morning?

Chucky Cheese:  Was good to have you out.  Hope you come back soon.  It is refreshing having a fellow non sarcastic professional to talk to out there.  Sometimes it just feels like I’m all alone out there.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

  • Sign up for Mud Run
  • T-Claps Arnold for hosting 2.0 campout. Was a great success.
  • Christmas in April
  • Prayers for family who lost daughter on prom night.

 

DEVO
It was awesome watching all the great dads at the 2.0 campout last weekend.  Out there, I realized again how big an influence we have on people.  In F3, we influence each other.  With our children, we carry heavy influence.  If you as a father say like to camp, chances are strong that will rub off on your children.  If you like Clemson or Carolina football, your child will most likely do the same.  The son of the coach on my son’s baseball team is arguably the best player on the team.  It is not just genetics.  His Dad’s love for the game has rubbed off on him.

In preparing for today’s devo, I opened my daily devotion book and anticipated it speaking to me and being something I could use in my morning Q devo.  It did not.  So, I turned the page to the previous day’s devo.  It did not speak to me either.  I continued flipping back reading devos.  In doing so, I realized these were daily devos I had not read and realized how slack I have been lately doing my daily devotions.

In order to lead and grow faith in our children, we have to lead and grow faith in ourselves.  Just like camping, football, or baseball, our kids will follow our lead.   If our faith is weak, chances are great the faith of our children will be weak.  It is our responsibility to grow the faith of our children by growing the faith of ourself.

Forgot to mention it during devo, but today was my 2 year anniversary in F3. What a difference this whole thing has made in my life.  The past 2 years have been great even though life has dealt me a bad card.  Despite all of that, one of the reasons it has been great has been because of F3.  I love every bit of it….fitness, pushing, growing faith, friendships, and of course all the trash talk.

 

PRAYER

 

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

You already voted!

Rucks, Sandbags, Tires, and Blocks

 

DATE:  4/11/17

 

WARMUP:  Indian run with ruck and sandbags from Clinic to tennis couts playground.  One half of the men had on rucks. A sandbag was passed from the front to the back of the line while running.  The man at the back received the sandbag and then ran to the front.

 

THE MAIN THANG:  7 cones were set up starting at stop sign at tennis courts playground stretching past back of football fields all the way around to back entrance of softball fields.

Partner up:

Partner 1:  Wearing a ruck and dragging tire, push block to next cone.  From there, alternate bear crawling while dragging tire behind you to next cone with running dragging tire to next cone.  Once you got to softball field, you turned around and started coming back.  Anytime you got back to a cone with a block, you were doing block sliders wearing ruck and dragging tire.  Additionally, you did x10 ruck merkins at each cone.

Partner 2:   Run with sandbag in giant loop from stop sign, to softball field entrance, and around part of walking track until reaching back up with your partner.   At that point, partners flip flopped.

This went on for about 30 minutes until time was called and we did jumping jacks on the six.

 

Merkins with ruck:  1 minute

Merkins with ruck set II:  1 minute

 

Sprints:  From stop sign at tennis courts all the way back to The Clinic, there were six cones spaced out. On go, we sprinted to the first one.  The first one there called out the exercises to do while we waited on the six.  I cannot remember everyone who won a sprint, but below are who I remember and what they called out.

  • Judge Judy: Arm Circles
  • Groundblind: Burpees
  • Woodchip: Squats
  • ?: LBC’s
  • Groundblind: Flutter Kicks

 

MARY

  • Big Boy Sit-Ups (hands locked behind head): AMAP for 1 minute

 

MOLESKIN:

So I get there around 0445 to set everything up.  I wisely decided to set up Benchwarmer’s stolen road cones hoping that not too long there after someone would show up early to help me grab sandbags, tires, rucks, and blocks to move them over by the playground.  Much to my chagrin, I see headlights pull into the Clinic parking lot right before 0500.  As I drive down to recruit some help, I notice it is Arnold’s new Barbie jeep.  I pull up.  He does not get out.  Is he asleep I wondered?  Did I catch him with the seat reclined having a private moment?  Nope, Jeep was empty.  At that point, I know there is only one place he could be….the ladies room.  I enter.   No one is there.  Might as well try the men’s room.  I enter.   It appears no one is there.  From the doorway, I look under the stalls.  At first, I see nothing.  Then, I notice two little shoes completely suspended in the air.  Found him!

Sandbags:   Heading home now to scold my 11 year old daughter for doing a poor job tying the new sandbags we filled the other night.  The bad news was half of my sandbag wound up in my shoe.  The good news was it did get lighter the more I ran.

Spartan Men:  It was good to have 3 Spartan men among us this morning.  As it turns out, all three lost something out there during Saturday’s Spartan Sprint.   Arnold says he lost feeling in his left foot just as he did in the P200.  While Benchwarmer graciously offered to give him a full body exam, Arnold has elected instead to go see our F3 Florence brother Thunderbird for a less thorough more professional exam.

Groudblind lost his timing chip that would have put him on the podium finishing first out of like 7,000 participants in his class.  That is pretty damn strong right there!!!

Stallion lost his timing chip that would have put him on the podium??  Hell no.  That’s too funny right there.  While he did get his participation medal, he lost his wedding ring winning him Caddell Family MVP honors.  His prize for winning such a prestigious award?  You guessed it…..An all expense trip to sleeping on the couch until further notice.  Congratulations Stallion!

T-Claps Benchwarmer on scoring your first “kill” of the year as you ran from the back all the way to the front during the Indian run.

Paula Dean:  Stallion is wrong.   Guys at The Clinic are not “dicks”.  At any other AO, guys would have been pissed watching you walk as the rest of the guys did burpees on the six.  At The Clinic, we recognized this was a training technique you were using to get us in better shape.  Iron sharpens iron.  T-Claps.  You are 3rd.

Radar:  As always, good work.  Was honored to be your partner.  Relieved too as I almost got stuck having to partner with Paperboy.

The Great Houdini:  Right at 0530, we headed out.  At 6:15, we circle up for Mary.  As we did, I notice Hooker being there.  I did think to myself I didn’t even realize he had been there.  Come to later find out, he showed up a couple minutes late and couldn’t find us so he just worked out at The Clinic and then sneaked into circle at the end.  Sneaky indeed!  He got there faster than Skinny Pete and Arnold to free cover night at an all male review.

Who can help?  Woodchip tells me the number 858-0653 has been popping up on his phone at all hours of the night. When answered, says he hears heavy breathing and deep moans.  If you have any idea who this pervert may be, please contact the proper authorities or call Crime Stoppers today.

Judge Judy:  I heard so much about all the talking JJ did at Brick City yesterday.  The only talking I heard from him today was about how mean and insensitive Divac was to him at Brick City.   Do not fear JJ, The Clinic Board is reviewing the case and will likely call Divac in for Clinic Q School as putting down your fellow pax is never okay.

Speaking of that, Stallion speaks up during Mary and says, “It was nice having Kaz here today. You can tell he does not attend The Clinic regularly as he actually said things of encouragement as he lapped me instead of what I usually get here like pick it up fat ass.”

Woodchip:  After beating Stallion in that sprint, was it really necessary  to take a sharpie out of your sock to sign him an autograph?

Chainsaw:  Hey man, please send me a few selfies today.  Did not get a chance to get your picture.

Woodchip:  Hey man, please take a few pics of Chainsaw today.  Did not get a chance to get his picture.

Paperboy:  Hey man, please do not sext me any more pictures today.   Did not get a chance to delete all the pics Benchwarmer sexted me.  Phone memory almost full.

Baby Beasley:  Just a bit of advice, don’t use the last stall in the men’s room.  Saw a midget in there this morning about 0500 blowing it up.

Fender:  Is it true Skinny Pete (aka Crazy Eyes) thinks your beard is sexy?

BarFly:  Glad you made it back fowling your courageous fight with the flu.  Genius by the way making Theraflu jello shots.  #churchillpharmacy

 

Although we had 17, was still deeply disappointed in our fart sackers:

StepShow:  So your wife is out of town and you have all 4 kids by yourself.  What the hell kind of excuse is that?  We worked out right by a playground.

2/3 Churchill:  Theraflu jello shots are just for people who have the flu!

Winkles:  Must be too sunburned from fishing naked chested from when you humiliated your daughter on the 2.0 camping trip.

Pathfinder:  Still camping at Norris Farms?

Labatts:  Canadian Holliday?

EPO:  New reality show “9 Kids and Growing” filming this morning?

Chucky Cheese:  Was good to have you out.  Hope you come back soon.  It is refreshing having a fellow non sarcastic professional to talk to out there.  Sometimes it just feels like I’m all alone out there.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

  • Sign up for Mud Run
  • T-Claps Arnold for hosting 2.0 campout. Was a great success.
  • Christmas in April
  • Prayers for family who lost daughter on prom night.

 

DEVO

It was awesome watching all the great dads at the 2.0 campout last weekend.  Out there, I realized again how big an influence we have on people.  In F3, we influence each other.  With our children, we carry heavy influence.  If you as a father say like to camp, chances are strong that will rub off on your children.  If you like Clemson or Carolina football, your child will most likely do the same.  The son of the coach on my son’s baseball team is arguably the best player on the team.  It is not just genetics.  His Dad’s love for the game has rubbed off on him.

In preparing for today’s devo, I opened my daily devotion book and anticipated it speaking to me and being something I could use in my morning Q devo.  It did not.  So, I turned the page to the previous day’s devo.  It did not speak to me either.  I continued flipping back reading devos.  In doing so, I realized these were daily devos I had not read and realized how slack I have been lately doing my daily devotions.

In order to lead and grow faith in our children, we have to lead and grow faith in ourselves.  Just like camping, football, or baseball, our kids will follow our lead.   If our faith is weak, chances are great the faith of our children will be weak.  It is our responsibility to grow the faith of our children by growing the faith of ourself.

Forgot to mention it during devo, but today was my 2 year anniversary in F3. What a difference this whole thing has made in my life.  The past 2 years have been great even though life has dealt me a bad card.  Despite all of that, one of the reasons it has been great has been because of F3.  I love every bit of it….fitness, pushing, growing faith, friendships, and of course all the trash talk.

 

PRAYER

 

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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Norris Farms 2.0 Campout

TEMPERATURE:  40-73

THE THANG: 2.0 Campout

Around 4:00, large pickup trucks, as well as StepShow’s tiny sissy car, started descending upon Norris Farms in Society Hill for Hartsville F3’s first ever 2.0 campout.  Upon  arrival, we notice a tent fortress complete with barbed wire, a tripod, and what I am sure were booby traps set up around Pathfinder’s 1 man tent that he had brought for the whole village of kids he brought with him.  As it turns out, 4:00 start time means 1:00 in the military.

For the next little bit, men worked on setting up tents while kids rolled around in the dirt.  Being 3rd, I quickly set up my tent and then went man to man helping city slickers like Shafer and camping virgins like “Bo The Jolly Rancher Norris” set up set up tents.  Sharing my expertise was the least I could do, but really it was all for the kids.

As soon as tent city was complete, including Krispy Kreme’s 22 man tent that came complete with x2 air mattresses, a waterbed, and mini fridge, there was an emergency Tent City Council meeting called.  With no electrical hookups, Krispy had no way to run his three electric generators.   While running an electrical cord 3 miles back to Arnold’s house was discussed, in the end it was determined that Krispy was S.O.L., but maybe Italian Stallion would show up to snuggle and keep him warm through the night.    As it turns out, the only camping Stallion would do would be on his couch as he  lost his wedding ring earlier that morning rucking the Spartan race.

Next up, pile in the back of multiple pickups (as Stepper’s trunk in his grocery getter had little room) for a couple mile ride to the fishing ponds.  Once there, kids immediately began throwing rocks and other objects into the pond to attract fish.  As soon as the rods were ready, it was quite obvious that there would be a fierce competition for “2.0 Angler of the Day” recognitions between Winkles’ bass whispering daughter and Fudger’s catch a fish every time the hook hits the water daughters.  Fudger said, “This is the first fish they’ve ever caught a fish.”  I call b.s. on that.  #ringers.  Though it was a closely contested battle, Winkles’ daughter won the trophy.  What was unfortunate was that she really could not enjoy the victory after being embarrassed by her dad fishing shirtless in the blistering 71 degree late afternoon heat.  Though Winkles claims to have been working on his suntan, I suspect he was trying to prove to Arnold that he too was a redneck.  Based on what I saw there on that naked physique, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday is just not enough fitness for Winkles.

Around 7 something, the kids are continuing to have a great time as girls were reeling in fish while boys climbed giant mountains of dirt on the Bo Norris Spartan Training Facility.   It was at that point when StepShow remembered he hadn’t eaten since noon when he scarfed down a Pita Pocket and glass of Pieria water.  Stomping his feet and demanding we load up trucks immediately, no one dared cross this hungry little tasmanian devil.  We all loaded back in the trucks.  Pretty sure he made some kids cry.  It was at that point, I noticed a stoic faced Pathfinder begin staring off into the distance as he began sharpening a 3 foot knife.

Upon arrival back at base camp, we saw something that made Stepper begin jumping up and down and yell “yippee”.  It was a giant grill full of burgers, weenies, and Baby Beasley beans.  Thank you Green Acres for staying behind and cooking up these vittles.  Not to long there after, we were lined up at the grill filling up our plates.  Just prior to chow, we circled up for a blessing led by Fudger.

Following supper and the consumption of more canned beverages around the campfire, time somehow fast forwarded to 10:30 p.m.  It was then that it was determined it was go time for Capture the Flag.  At that moment, Arnold broke out 2 giant packs of glow sticks.  Heaven only knows why he has these (Society Hill rave parties??), but I shall not digress. After kids waited impatiently for the retirement home sweatshop consisting of Shafer, StepShow, and Green Acres to very, very, very slowly tie the strings on these things, glow sticks were finally given out.  One color went to a team full of girls and Pathfinder’s son, who by the way is super fast, and one color went to a group of boys. Pathfinder was disqualified from playing because he had a pair of night vision goggles.  Seriously!  After several rounds and a few miles of sprinting through the darkness, the girls emerged victorious.  The boys protested the victory saying the girls cheated and sang in the following in defiance all the way from the field, up the dirt road, and back to the campsite: “1st is worst. 2nd is the best. Ya’ll are the ones with the hairy chests.”  First is the worst?  Second is the best?  Geeze.  Was like a damn nightmare.  Noise to my ears.  We have some major work to do here.  Be that as it may, MVP honors was given to Green Acres’ dog who played with us and racked up the most tackles of anyone during our game of TAG Capture the Flag.   I know Shafer and I witnessed that beast hit / take down a few kids like NFL Hall of Fame safety Ronnie Lott.

Around 11:30, we started losing guys off to their tents for some shut eye.

One of the worst things about camping on a cold spring night is when you wake up in the middle of the night only to realize you can no longer keep the 12 beers you drank inside your body any longer.  Emerging from my tent at 0430 wearing 2 different shoes like Stallion, I was shocked to see Pathfinder sitting alone out by the fire.  Later I learned he had gone for a walk and did get some sleep from 5:00-7:00.  Dumper tells me that’s called a “Stallion Nap”.

A little after 7:00, pretty much everyone starts emerging from their tents.  A little after 11:00, Krispy Kreme emerges from his tent.  I’m certain he will wake sooner on other days during his week-long stay at Norris Farms.

As the morning moves along, men sit around the campfire enjoying some Fudger made instant coffee as kids enjoyed a healthy breakfast of donuts and Fruit Loops.   As morning moves along, tents began to come down as kids continued playing kickball and rolling in the dirt.  Arnold and Bowtie did wait until exactly 10:00 to begin drinking morning beer.  If you drink with a buddy before 10 a.m., you and your buddy have a problem.  If you drink alone after 10 and before 11, you have a problem.  All boxes checked.  We’re good Bo!

As Arnold and Bowtie enjoy morning beer, Shafer enjoys some “alone time” in a hammock, Green Acres takes out the dip he slept in while scrolling through his phone planning his next ski trip, Krispy continues to enjoy some shuteye, Pathfinder checks the roads for IED’s, and the kids all go exploring down the dirt roads.  After being gone for some time, the girls come back running with a bit of excitement in their voices as they ask Arnold, “Mr. Bo, are those giant piles in that filed really turkey poop?”  Arnold, “Yep”.  Girls, “They boys are climbing and jumping in it’. Laughter from everyone.  Bowtie, “Dean, can Everett ride home in your truck?”

Around 11:30, most everyone leaves.  Krispy still sleeping I think.

 

RANDOM CAMPOUT MEMORIES:

If you think Arnold shared all his jokes and funny stories at the P200, you are quite mistaken.

Chainsaw likes having his picture taken and really prefers it be done at close range.  To all PAX, I encourage that from this point forward you do this every time you see him.  He will not ignore you.  He’s not that shy.  I promise he will share some words with you.

Arnold giggles when he hears Shafer make that little high pitch laugh of his.

We ended up with 11 adults and 25+ kids which is pretty awesome.  I think we were sitting at about 10 adults and 15 kids before EPO showed up last.

Around 10:00 p.m., Arnold and I drive back to his house to his secret stash of glow sticks. As we pull back out of his driveway to head back to the campsite, we see truck lights.  It was Krispy Kreme.   As Krispy pulls up beside us, I did not really listen to the conversation.  Pulling off, I ask Bo what that was all about.   Bo says something about him bringing the kids to the house to use the bathroom.  Personally, I think ole Arnold was just covering for him as I later learned Krispy was coming to the house to take a warm shower and wrap up in a fresh rope and slippers.  I’m hearing there was a little post shower looking straight in the mirror decorative towel between the legs pony ride dance around the bathroom.

Alright, I know what you are thinking and yes I understand it is going to take a little while to get that pony dance out of your head, so let’s talk sleeping arrangements for a minute.  Wanting to be near greatness, Arnold set up his tent directly to my left and Shafer to my right.  It was a bit like being sandwiched between Caitlyn Jenner and Little Richard.  To keep those two freak shows as well as Pathfinder with his machete and hand ax out of my tent, I installed a padlock on the zipper of my tent.  While that was successful in physically keeping them out, it did not keep out the sound.  From the tent to my right, I heard duling banjos around 1 a.m.  That was nothing compared to what I heard coming from the tent to my left.   At approximately 2 a.m., I hear a moaning sound.  As I listened more intently, the moans grew louder and more intense.  After hearing passionate moans of “Benchwarmer, Benchwarmer, Benchwarmer” repeated multiple times, I quickly grabbed extra pillows and shoved over the heads of my innocent children to shield them from hearing such filth.  Knowing Benchwarmer was not on the trip, I quickly realized Arnold was simply dreaming or reliving some romantic moment he and Benchwarmer had shared. #jollyrancher

Sitting around the morning campfire, something hit me and it hit me hard.  I think it must have been a combination of 3 hamburgers, 2 hotdogs, beans, many a beer, and Fudger’s instant coffee, but I had to act quickly with no hesitation as I retrieved my paper roll from the tent and proceeded to set a P.R. sprint down a dirt road.  Once there, I demonstrated good form and actually enjoyed the moment.  The sun was coming up beautifully through the trees.  A few birds began to chirp.  Intense stomach pain was gone.  No kids were calling my name.  It was at then that my peace and tranquility were interrupted.  It was then that I heard the sound of a diesel engine coming up the road from the field below. What was I to do?  I had not even taken any paper off the roll yet.  Frozen like an undecisive deer in the headlights, I did nothing.  Though I had on a bad ass camo jacket, I was also wearing Arnold’s gay looking bright green running hat which made me stick out like Groundblind dropping bombs at the top of The Temple.  Within about 20 seconds, there comes Green Acres driving by in his monster truck laughing, pointing, and yelling out hurtful obscenities.

 

CONCLUSION:

In all seriousness, this trip was awesome.   Surrounding yourself with good people makes us better as iron sharpens iron.  This past weekend was just that as I was surrounded by good men being good fathers.  Every time we are around each other in F3, we influence each other.  Every time we are around our children, we influence them.  It was awesome this past weekend being around so many good fathers.  It is awesome every week being around such awesome men.

Thank you Bo Norris for letting us invade Norris Farms.  We made an awesome memory I know I will cherish.  It is an awesome memory I think our kids will cherish as well.

 

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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P200 (IYAFYL)

  • When:03//24/17-3//25/17
  • QIC:Waterbug
  • The PAX:Shaffer, Groundblind, Benchwarmer, Bowtie, Arnold, Divac, Linus, Postal, Fender, Judge Judy, Labatt, Lovebug
  • Drivers: Green Acres & Pathfinder

Conditions:  Hot, dark, stinky (in van)

THE MAIN THANG

  • 205 miles!!!!
  • On 11:00 Friday morning – about 26.5 hours later.
  • Pax loaded into 2 vans.  Essentially, one van (6 men) would take turns running all of their legs and then rest while the next van (6 men) ran theirs.
  • The running might not have been hard had we just gone out for a mosey, but every man pushed themselves to do their best.

 

Random P200 Memories & Funny Stories (Bowtie additions):

So if you rode in my van, you would probably agree that this thing should be called the Bo Norris 200 as that dude indulged us with funny ass jokes and comments for the entire trip.  Here are a few I remember even though the first one was more hurtful that funny:

  • As I was frantically looking for my sharp looking canary yellow running hat, Arnold exclaimed, “Damn, if I had a hat like that I’d have to buy 2. One to sh#t in and one to cover it up with.”
  • Jolly ranchers
  • Rope with stirrups

This year’s “Wardrobe Award” definitely went to Team Upward’s Stallion who ran in a pair of size 2 ass cutter shorts that would  not have been able to contain the junk of an average endowed man.  Not to be outdone by his day time attire, Stallion slipped into his jammies that included a Daisy Duke cutoff shirt that well accentuated his abless belly.

Could The Stallion leave an event with just 1 award?  Hell to the no.  Stallion also wins the “Nasty Pic Award” for continuously posting pics of his feet.  #nastiness

T-Claps to Benchwarmer who managed to knock out exactly 1 kill over the course of 3 legs although that girl that earned him the kill was arguably big enough to be counted as 2.

My apologies to ole Benchwarmer for asking if I could erase his name and uno kill off the bus window to make room for my 27 kills.  That was rude and insensitive of me.

Speaking of kills, I thought I was the sh#t getting 15 on one leg.  Not to be outdone, Groundblind knocks out 17 on his next leg!  Did I mention Benchwarmer racked up x1 for his 3 combined legs?

So around 9:15 p.m. Friday night, we roll in the hotel for some food and just a little bit of shut eye.  Having recently put on a few pounds, Judge Judy opts to skip the meal and go on to bed.  After dining with Bo, Blake, and Charles, we head up stairs.  As if we were at the Brick Pile for a competitive Q, guys quickly start picking partners for the sleeping arrangements.  Before I knew it, I see only 1 spot left and was so tired I didn’t even care that it was with an already asleep shirtless Judge Judy.  Big mistake!  For those of you who have not slept with Judy and yes I know some of you sickos probably have, that dude’s a spooner.  Every time I would get comfortable and almost fall asleep, I’d get slapped with some snuggle hand or foot.  Don’t think  I have ever slept with my left foot on the floor, my right leg on the bed, and 1 eyeball open, but that’s what I had to do in order to avoid becoming Judge Judy’s prison bit#h.

Shame shame on Bo Norris for spreading hotel lies as he said, “I woke up in the night only to find Bowtie balled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably because Divac had crawled in bed to my left and Benchwarmer was cradled up on the recliner to my right.”

Speaking of strange hotel things, I guess I did fall asleep, because when we left the hotel around 12:30 a.m., I looked around the dark room of stink only to discover new bodies that were not there when I crawled in bed with Judge Snuggle.  One of them, Blowfish, hollered out “Slow down. Slow down you sons of bitches.  I know ya’ll just want to pass us.”   The one body I did not recognize was laying almost naked on the floor next to all my stuff.  I do not know why, but the next thing I know Benchwarmer and I were standing over this dude trying to figure out who he was.  Got awkward when he opened his eyes.  Still don’t know who that guy was, but I am pretty sure Benchwarmer and I freaked him the hell out.  Was probably some guy Team Upward picked up at the bar.

We were named IYAFYL for a reason.  Every guy who hit the road seemed to be on a damn mission.  Speaking of pushing, T-Claps to Team IYAFYL for getting back the lead on Florence that Benchwarmer gave up right in front of our van.
Speaking of vans, our van found it offensive that Shaffer decided to ride the last couple of legs with us (had room since we left Judy) and had the audacity to say we were “nasty”.  Look, just because we didn’t have 1damn trash bag on the van does not make us nasty.  Besides, with the x3 suitcases I brought, we didn’t have room for trash bags.   We evidentially did not have room for beer either as somehow Lovebug stole our beer, gave it back, stole it gain, and then passed it all out to his van mates when they finished their last leg..

Back to vans and van members for a moment.  Who knew Arnold was such a good artist?  It all started when we stopped for a prerace meal of chicken wings and decided we needed to write all over the windows of the Florence van.  That is when Arnold and his accomplice (“partner”) Divac decided to draw male genitalia.  From that point on, Arnold became obsessed with drawing balls on everything.  Had Stallion been on our van and slept as I hear he did for the entire trip, I feel confident some balls would have been drawn on his head.  One group that did not seem to appreciate Arnold’s art work was the van of  girls who had written “MILF’s” on the side of their van.  Not sure the last time I laughed as hard as I did when these girls angrily discovered the art work.

More apologies to Holt.  On one of his dark time runs, we drove ahead and were supposed to be waiting outside with a fresh bottle of water and some cheerleading as we had done for everyone else.  Holt knocks on the glass of the van as he runs by as we were neither ready nor prepared.  Please accept my apology on behalf of Arnold as it was his fault.  He was showing the van videos of hot workout girls doing cardio exercises and you were just less important.  Divac did not watch as he says he’s not into hot girls.

Some P70 girl, impressed by our awesomeness, asked me and Arnold if she could borrow our “jet packs.”  I don’t know about all of that, but I do know Shaffer must have had one on as he absolutely blistered every leg of the P200.  Damn impressive!

Not sure I have ever seen the look I saw from Groundblind after absolutely blistering his 10 mile leg.  Dazed and confused, he was stumbling around mumbling gibberish before dumping water on his head and plopping down on his fanny.  He looked the way I did after he gave me a recent concussion playing rugby.  In all seriousness, that is the way you look when you lay it all on the line and that is exactly what he did.  Damn impressive!

Some families there to support their runners there at the end @Shaffer @Judge Judy @Bowtie.  As someone pointed out, JJ has a pretty M.  Nice girl. She really married down.

Speaking of Judy and back to vans for a minute.  Here we were as Holt starts his last leg.  Only 2 legs left (Arnold & Bowtie).  As we get almost to the drop-off point for Biofreeze Norris, Green Acres gets a phone call, makes a comment, and has this face that made me think he had just received a bad phone call about his family or something.  Nope, it was Groundblind saying Judy had called him saying everyone had left him.  I guess that will teach him to go take a port-o-jon grumpy and not tell anyone.

Green Acres was not the only one on our van to have received a distress phone call.  Early into Linus’s first leg, Divac’s phone pops up “Linus” and Divac responds, “This can’t be good”.  Did he get Divac’s number mixed up with Jimmy Johns?  Was he just lonely and need someone to talk to?  No, no.  He was calling because he got chassed by a pit-bull and was pinned up until the owner stormed out of his house chasing the beast off into a field.  An emotional Linus called to tell us to warn the other runners behind him.  In true IYAFYL style, we did not.  We were in it to win it and if that means the opposing teams being attacked, so be it.

Speaking of dogs, Green Acres is a terrible watch dog.  How do you stand outside our van talking to 1 Florence guy all the while another Florence guy standing right behind you writes unthinkables on our van.  Damn G.A., how does that even happen?  Florence just needs to grow up.  So immature!

Back again to this stupid van that did not come equipped as it should have with trash bags. Bo Norris had the right idea when he said, “We should have got a stretched Hummer.  We’d be hanging out the top of that thing like a Kid Rock video.”

You can really tell who P200 team captain Waterbug likes and does not like.  Evidentially, I am on the unlike list.  Thanks for the x3 bastard legs.  Mt. St. Matthews was a bit#h.!!!

T-Claps to van driver Pathfinder for drinking more beer than anyone he was driving around.

T-Caps to van driver Green Acres on a perfect landing after hitting a set of train tracks at 75 miles per hour causing at least 3 wheels to leave the ground all before a rough landing that almost caused Divac and Arnold to choke on their Jolly Ranchers there in the back seat.

T-Claps to Linus for making all but the last 20 yards on his dog attack leg before dropping to his knees to dry heave while Benchwarmer had to run get the slap bracelet off his wrist.

After seeing a few guys limp up the stairs toward the balcony at church Sunday, I was approached by Labatts’ M who tells me, “Last night we were laying in bed talking.  I was on Pinterest reading and I asked him a question and he didn’t answer.  Though he was dead.  He was out.”          Dude, what are you doing?  Are you kidding me?  Pinterest is pretty much an invitation and you couldn’t even stay awake.  #disappointing

 

Random P200 Memories & Funny Stories (Groundblind additions):

Red Rowzy tries to outdo Green acres squirrel tail by putting a dead buzzard on the hood.  Then realizes that it smells like a dead buzzard and brings the most godawful stank into the van.  Febreze comes in handy.

Labatt is a workhorse.  Crushed all 3 long legs

Schaffer smoked all 3 legs as well

Best Fender quote: “My Garmin had the balls to tell me to get up and move”

Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and Sam Adams go well together

3x on Herbs night run, Rowzy calls out to “Lovebug” to offer water and somerandom guy takes the water

Van 2 deserts Bowtie on Leg 2.  Van 2 arrives 3 minutes after Bowtie finishes his 7.73 miler with no support, “Have yall seen bowtie?”

Groundblind barely gets out of crapper in time for the nighttime 2.4 mile sprint.

Judy gets left in the shitter by “a bunch of dicks” in van 2.  Has to catch a ride with a Cola team to the next ck point.

After seeing only 2 runners on the first 2 legs, GB picks up 17 kills on Leg 3.

Drivers don’t get enough credit.  Always there waiting with a bottle of water. Rowzy put that van in some tight spots & thought we were going to end up in a ditch a couple times.

 

Random P200 Memories & Funny Stories (Divac additions):

I would just like to thank Green Acres and the rest of Van 2 leaving me out to dry with no water on my first 5.8 mile leg.

Why is all the blame for leaving Judge Judy being placed on van 2?  I mean, there were 6 other guys standing around with him that left him as well.

Thinking Bowtie got lost AGAIN…YHC was only half awake but seemed like we drove around in a frantic for 15 minutes wondering if he got hit by a car or made a wrong turn. Turned out Speedy Gonzalez had already finished and was waiting on us at the finish line.

The constant reports of Stallion whining about his blisters or his shoes or any damn thing he could!

The weird homosexual vibe between Nutt and Arnold the whole time. “Hey Nutt, you gonna rub some lotion on my ass” “sure man, give me a second” “Hey Arnold, I need you to put some sun screen on my balled spot” “Ok man, just a minute” GAY

The awesomeness that was tagging the F3 Florence van. “We wish we were from Hartsville” , as well as some very fine art work.

When Arnold tagged the “Team Milfs” van with his signature blue balls

Judy is the new sandbag king of P200.  He had Waterbug put him down at a 9 minute pace. He averaged 7:30

The great but horrible idea that was Cracker Barrel breakfast 3 hours before mine and Judy’s last legs.

All in all this was one of the best events I’ve ever done.  We had 24 runners represent F3 Hartsville and I think everyone (yes, even Stallion) did better than expected.  All of us running in together at the end was a special moment and something I won’t ever forget.

Random P200 Memories & Funny Stories (Fender additions):

I don't recall much. The whole thing was a 28 hour blur. But here's some highlights I can remember:

Rowzee is not content to follow any parking convention. Although he did score us a sweet spot at one exchange zone, tucked away in the trees where we could get some sleep until we were swarmed about 0500 by an army of women in white vans.  This was also after I had a strange dream that Dumper had come by our van and said the other half of the Upward team was still asleep and he was going to finish the 200 himself.

IYAFYL Van 2 procured a squirrel tail and hung it from the van antenna as a trophy. Not to be outdone, Van 1 driver Red Rowzee (Pathfinder) decided to mount a buzzard he found in the ditch to our hood. The smell can only be described as "Baby Beasley-esque." We couldn't get enough Febreze out to make it stop. We'll probably be hit double for cleaning fees in that van.

After Van 1 had finished running, and it was time to enjoy some adult beverages and cruise to the finish line, my Garmin had the balls to tell me it was time to "Move!" Apparently 50,000 steps isn't enough for a day.

 

Random P200 Memories & Funny Stories (Linus addition)

The only memories I have are being chased by rabid pitbulls with nuclear blood and dry heaving to the finish line on leg 2.

 

Random P200 Memories & Funny Stories (Benchwarmer addition)

One of the stories YHC didn’t want to have lost in the shuffle were the stories of our van drivers.  The following is a tribute to their heroic efforts during the Palmetto 200.

IYAFYL couldn’t have had the success it experienced had it not been for its drivers, Greenacres and Pathfinder.  Our journey began in near disastrous fashion when one of our drivers lost/left Arnold’s case of Natural Light in the parking lot.  Upon realization it was missing, Arnold panicked and began crawling under the van seats looking for his precious beer.  We wouldn’t find out that Pathfinder had taken the beer and placed it in Van 1.  Pathfinder’s comment, never leave a beer behind; never. Pathfinder’s character was revealed to IYAFYL in that moment.  We knew we had a good one. Nevertheless, for whatever reason Pathfinder took us from Hartsville to McBee on our way to Lexington.  What in the hell was he thinking?  After our 3 hour trip to Lexington and upon arrival at the start of the P200, Pathfinder, driver of Van 1, wandered the parking lot sizing up the competition for Team IYAFYL.  He started talking in strange tongues and spoke of cutting anyone who got in his way.  Van 2 passengers gave Pathfinder a race shirt and told him that it was encouraged that drivers drink beer along the route to bond with their teammates.  We think he took us serious, very.  At that moment Van 1 pulled out first in pursuit of Schafer who was the first IYAFYL runner while Van 2 went in search of food before Arnold had a melt down because he hadn’t eaten anything all morning; it was 11:00 AM, not 1:00 PM.

From the outset our drivers demonstrated their superior driving skills and understanding of the route. For example, once on the actual running route GA demonstrated his driving skills by hitting railroad tracks running 70 MPH and in the process giving Divac, Linus, Judy and Arnold whip lash and other spinal damage one can suffer when sitting anywhere in the van absent the front seats.  With cuss words cascading from the rear of the van GA simply runs off the road in an effort to intimidate his passengers.  We were thinking we thought Red was crazy as hell but GA may be worse.  There would be other opportunities for GA to demonstrate his lack of sanity, plenty.

After van 1 had finished its legs, van 2 then took to the streets.  At one point with Bowtie racing up Mt St Matthews in pursuit of F3 Florence’s Thunderbird (a really cool dude and brother), GA saw that our captain was struggling.  For some inexplicable reason GA finds a squirrel carcass and announces he will cut the squirrel’s tail off to inspire Bowtie in his run.  GA walks over to the flattened squirrel in the road, leans over and pulls out his knife (van 2 had more cutting utensils and farm knowledge than any corner of the freaking state at that moment) and cuts the tail off and holds it up triumphantly as if he has just scalped the enemy.  GA was proud and to commemorate the moment he spends 30 minutes taping it to Van 2’s antenna while being supervised by Linus.  Linus was impressed.  You could see it in his eyes.  As a matter of fact, a barefooted Linus and GA were standing their admiring the work when Florence’s Thunderbird ran up the mountain past these 2 banjo playing gerbil asses.  Thunderbird seemed to become a bit unnerved at all this thus allowing Bowtie to make a pass on down the road.  The squirrel tail made it through the entire race and was last seen still fluttering in the soft Charleston breezes at Patriots Point Saturday afternoon.  Not to be outdone Van 2 found out that Pathfinder tried to inspire his van in a similar way by placing a dead buzzard carcass on the hood of his van.  Evidently it didn’t have the same inspirational feel due to the overwhelming smell of the 5 day old dead bird and, as a result, Pathfinder was forced to toss his trophy.  Pathfinder was heard muttering to himself what a great find the dead bird was and how they didn’t appreciate his efforts.

One of the duties or responsibilities of the driver is to keep track of the runners and to be sure they remain hydrated while out on the course.  GA demonstrated his expertise in these areas like when Divac came off the course on his first leg asking GA “where the @%&$ was my #$&%^@# water you sorry @$#%#$%&^#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GA was like, “what dude, Arnold was telling me about all the different uses of jolly ranchers.”  Another time came on Bowtie’s second leg which was right after BA picked up a ton of time in the prior leg.  GA drives ahead to wait on Bowtie to be sure he was fine and if he needed water.  GA pulls off the road and proceeds to play solitaire on his phone and didn’t notice Bowtie race by gasping for water.  An hour later GA asks BA, “hey, shouldn’t we have seen Bowtie by now?”  GA then doubles back to find his lost runner when he sees “the ass slapper” Da Hoppa,  of F3 Florence (Yes, BA shall carry that one a  very long time).  Knowing Bowtie would have jumped in front of a passing car before letting Da Hoppa pass him so we assumed Bowtie was somewhere up ahead.  By this time Arnold had woken up from his little nap and upon seeing a law enforcement vehicle ahead says “why don’t we stop that officer and ask him if he’s seen a gay looking dude running down the road in a gay hat.”  YHC, the resourceful one, sends Pathfinder a text message (not so resourceful thinkingPathfinder would be paying attention either) to be on the lookout for Bowtie.  On our way to the next stop we get word Bowtie had finished and had been waiting on us for over 5 minutes.  When we pulled up we stopped for Bowtie to get in and the others to stretch their legs and move about.  With zero notice to anyone within earshot of GA and with the van doors wide open, GA pulls off.  YHC is pretty sure he ran over someone and if not one of our runners it had to be someone from another team.

Additionally, later in the race Van 2 catches up to Van 1 and Team IYAFYL got to share in some camaraderie.  Well actually the deal was Van 1 was done running and they were drinking beer while the rest of us were still running.  Van 1 pulls in alongside Van 2 and then managed to back up as close as humanly possible without hitting Van 2 before unloading its passengers all holding cans of beer and gloating that they were done running and we were not.  Pathfinder,fulfilling one of the other duties of a van driver, scouted the exchange area for a bathroom.  For those not familiar with the P200 ,the exchange zones have bathroom accommodations available for the runners.  Because the port-a-johns were determined to be too far away at 100 yards, Pathfinder scouts out a building with ankle high shrubs concealing nothing and proceeds to relieve himself in full view of the world.  Pathfinder calls for Groundblind to join him in this well-hidden spot.  It was a bonding moment for them as 75 runners passed by.

Another crucial Van driver responsibility is to “never leave a man behind.”  In fairness to GA there was a great deal of excitement at the next exchange station.  For you see Linus was running in to exchange with YHC and throngs of people had gathered to see these two anchors of Team IYAFYL make the exchange and to see YHC race off and “kill” several pregnant women out ahead of him.  Lost in the moment GA orders his runners back on the van and he pulls out on his way to drop off Arnold who hadn’t stopped talking since “Carolina Wing House” in Lexington.  Only after Arnold had been dropped off below the Cooper River Bridge does Van 2 get a call from Judy crying “why did you dicks leave me????”  GA’s response was “BowtieJudy’s been on our van this whole time?  Well damn.  Guess Van 1 better go get him.”

Please also include how Arnold raced in front of Bowtie and his children and everyone else to finish first at the finish line.  IYAFYL.

On a slightly serious note, our van drivers were as much of this experience as anyone and we were all grateful for their time and service to our efforts.

That’s all I got to say about that.

BA

 

Closing:

The P200 was awesome.  I encourage everyone to do it.  It is a mental and physical challenge mixed in with a whole lot of good fellowship.

Most of all I want to thank all the men who were there.  The P200 was not about me and I did not want to rob anyone of their accomplishments putting the spotlight on me.  I had no idea about the shirts, bowties, or light up van grill bowtie, but those things mean more to me and my family than I can ever describe.  I cannot do some physical things to the level I expect from myself and that bothers me.  The P200 running was slower for me than I am used to and that bothers me  Those things stink, but ultimately are not important.  F3 is one of the most important  / enjoyable things in my life.  Whether healthy or not, it is an escape. It is not over though at 6:15 in the morning. It continues on throughout every day because of relationships you have built.

Bo Norris (Arnold) said it well when he said, “It is unheard of for a farmer to walk away from his farm during planting season, but I’m doing it for the P200 because I want ya’ll to know how much ya’ll mean to me.”  Well said Bo!  We had x3 farmers on our van. Enough said about our guys right there!

None of us know how many days we have left, but I will cherish the ones I have had and will have with F3.  Thank you men!

The P200 is a challenging, but fun event.  Of all the events I have ever done, I have enjoyed them the most.  This race is about so much and means different things to different people.  To some, it is about overcoming fear and putting yourself out there despite feeling nervous you could fail.  It is about a brotherhood, bonding, training, P.R.’s, and just good ole fashioned gut busting laughter.

I have earned patches, medals, and trophies for different hard events.  I never have known what to do with hem once I got them.  To me, it is not about the hardware but who you earned the hardware with.  F3 is about becoming better man by bonding with awesome guys by doing crazy hard stupid things together.  That was certainly accomplished at the P200 as it was hard and fun. With all hard events, you  think about wanting to quit, but you just never would because of the guys depending on and rooting for you.  T-Claps  Hartsville! Job well done!!

 

P200 Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/hartsvillef3P200/

 

 

Respectfully submitted by Bowtie

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