Farewell Farsight

Back in August BA had agreed with Audit of Farsight to switch AO’s in order to keep each of us fresh and engaged.  Whereas Audit had lost his mojo, BA was still pretty damn awesome but BA felt sorry for Audit and agreed to the switch.  Therefore, Audit moved from Farsight to the Clinic and BA from the Clinic to Farsight.  On August 7th at the end of  Beasty Boy's less than difficult Clinic Q, BA called a trembling Audit to the middle of the circle and announced that BA and Audit would be switching places for the time being and asked the Clinic to be kind to the sensitive Audit.  This was greeted by pleas from the pax for BA not to leave but most importantly not to leave Audit if BA did go (sadly Audit wasn't able to handle the constant bashing by the likes of Winkles and others and eventually quit).  Brushing away the emotions, BA said it was done and BA quietly disappeared into the gloom.  As BA exited the stage he could hear the laugh of a female hyena (Lil Sweet) saying something about Nueva.......

BA resurfaced at Farsight on August 9th and his first act was to immediately annoy and harass all the pax on the Farsight GroupMe chat.  Noticing there were several names on the chat not recognizable, BA reached out to Linus to inquire who they were and had they been active at Farsight.  What occurred next is what has become known as "Linus' Massacre."  Linus basically started chopping off heads and deleting guys from the chat if they, in his opinion, had not been active.  BA tried to intervene and slow the carnage but it was too late.  When it was over Linus had whittled Farsight down to a mere shell of its former self (two of those axed were Stallion and Dumper who had long been kicked out of Farsight).  The 20 pax left standing included:  Divac (Redwood); Daisy Dukes; Mesquite; Purdy Mouth; Linus; Last Rites; Fallguy; Bagboy; Section 8; Pigpen; Guttenberg; Captain Crunch; Ragtop; Billie Jean; Fudger; Carpal Tunnel; Castanza; Body Bag; Lil Jack and Windows.  The brothers of Farsight quaked in their boots wondering would they be next to fall to Linus' axe.  BA managed to calm Linus' rage and got him to agree not to cut off anymore heads for the time being.  What happened to those he axed you ask?  Unfortunately those names have been lost to history and will never be known.  Tragic.

Despite the sad and unnerving start with Farsight, BA was graciously and hospitably welcomed into the group.  However, there were a few who were suspicious of BA due to the reputation of the Clinic for being genuine DH's.  These concerns were allayed when BA jumped in and started Qing and quickly became a regular along with stalwarts Ragtop, Last Rites, Windows and Lil Jack.  These four pax constitute the heart and soul of Farsight; not as awesome as BA but still very close.

Fast forward 19 weeks and Farsight finds itself humming along and whipping ass.  Farsight even has a candidate for City Council (Ragtop) and may even be ready to field a 2019 Fox team to dethrone Team DH from the Clinic.  They are definitely closing the gap.  We're talking smaller than a jolly rancher.  Farsight added to its fold Schroeder (EH'd by Linus who doesn't just chop off heads), Woodstock (EH'd by Schroeder), Heisenberg (EH'd by Schroeder) and Picasso (EH'd by Audit, yes Audit).  Farsight also brought back Wildman/Re-Run from the ash heap and accepted the transfers of Da Meat and Red/Pathfinder from The Clinic when they determined they didn't want to be DH's.

With the growth and overall sound health of Farsight, BA sensed it was time.  It was time to head back to The Clinic and save it from the destruction being brought on by a heinous virus causing wrath and destruction at BA's former home.  Yes, the Clinic was falling victim to "Ruckeritis," that awful disease being spread by Skinny Pete and Paula Dean.  They had lured Beasty Boy and Stallion into their web and were now homing in on Barfly, no pun intended.  BA was horrified at the thought of his once glorious Clinic becoming a "rucker" AO.  The horror, oh the horror.

Thus, BA made a fateful decision.  In order to save the Clinic he would have to leave his newfound brothers at Farsight and return to the land of DH and put an end to what Skinny Pete and Paula Dean were spawning.  He knew his Farsight brothers would be heartbroken and was fearful the news may cause the AO to shatter into pieces but BA had to do what he had to do.

December 20, 2018 (Thursday)

BA signed up to Q Farsight one last time.  It would be an emotional day for everyone.  It would be BA's 250th workout of the year and would be his 30th of 38 Farsight workouts since joining in August.  As BA drove past North Hartsville Elementary (BA's elementary alma mater where he was a champion in kickball) on his way to the AO he noticed a cluster of cars in front of the school.  Thinking it was either an early gathering for perhaps a Christmas party or it was a gathering of very feminine men, BA paid no mind to the dark specters in the gloom.

Nevertheless, BA went on to the AO to get started.  As BA pulled into the parking lot he thought to himself how the pax gathered had no idea their lives were about to be shattered when BA drops the news he's leaving.  Poor guys.

BA gathered everyone and announced it was time to start.  The first sign something was askew was when BA spotted Paperboy of the Clinic among the encircled group but chalked it up to the "Gray Man" missing his hero BA and came out to give him some support.  Or maybe Paperboy wanted some separation from the Clinic after Bowtie broke the news of Lil Sweet and Coxswain being in the Jacuzzi together.  Paperboy was wounded but perhaps he just didn't want to give Coxswain the satisfaction and chose to leave.  We may never know.

Either way, as BA called the troops together in the gloom BA noticed a group of men skipping into the parking lot singing songs from "Boy George's Greatest Hits" led by their sissy leader, Bowtie aka Sissy Boy.  BA rubbed his eyes to see if it was true; it was.  It was Team DH strolling in with what looked like a cooler while waving a Jolly Rogers pirate flag.  Venom and curse words spewed from the lips of the likes of Barfly, Skinny Pete, Judy (wearing a funny hat) and that foul mouthed Paula Dean.

It was the Clinic!  BA knew they were there simply to disrupt BA's Q.  BA shook his head with mild aggravation, gathered his wits and got his game face on.  As the pax took their places in the circle, BA announced he was calling the roll.  Immediately BA heard snarky comments from Team DH like "yall still take roll?" (Chainsaw who said something about eating sticks which was confusing) and "we would've already run a mile by now (Lil Sweet)."  BA was not distracted by their vitriol and announced, "Gentlemen, BA is calling the roll!"

BA had started a Farsight tradition (not really) of calling the roll prior to the workout.  If a pax HC'd and failed to show it would cost the present pax 10 burpees.  If a pax failed to say he was not coming and failed to show then it would cost the present pax 3 burpees.  This is a favorite of Windows who invented a few new cuss words the last time we did this when four pax HC'd but failed to show.

The roll was as follows:

Daisy Dukes: present

Linus HC: present

Divac (Redwood): present

Last Rites: present

Fallguy HC: present

Bag Boy HC: present

Section 8: 3 burpees

Pigpen HC: present

Guttenberg: excused

Captain Crunch: 3 burpees

Ragtop: excused

Billie Jean HC: present

Fudger: 3 burpees

Carpal Tunnel: 3 burpees

Castanza HC: present

Bodybag HC: present

Lil Jax: 3 burpees

Windows: 3 burpees

Purdy Mouth: excused

Schroeder: 3 burpees

Re-Run/Wildman: 3 burpees

Da Meat HC: present

Woodstock: 3 burpees

Red: 3 burpees *the Clinic DH's called Red a traitor thinking he was still one of them

Heisenberg: excused

Picasso: excused

Mesquite: 3 burpees

After 33 burpees BA led the pax in a few warmup exercises before heading to the main event.  The workout was as follows:

BA assembled the pax at the top of the parking lot where the blocks had been laid out.  BA called for a Clinic DH to partner with a Farsight pax.  When Chainsaw begged BA to partner with him BA knew his team would dominate Lil Sweet, Bowtie and Stepshow.  As the drizzle turned a steady rain Chainsaw made the observation that "even dogs get out of the rain....."

The exercises called for Partner A to run the full loop of the parking lot while Partner B performed the exercise.  When A returned they switched and Partner B would run while A did the exercises.

  • 250 Overhead Presses
  • 50 Burpees
  • 250 Curls
  • 50 Bigboys
  • 250 Chest Presses

*Team Chainsaw-BA dominated throughout; just saying.....

During the last set suddenly a group of men clad in dark clothing began to emerge from the gloom.  They were not as sissified as the Clinic DH's from earlier but we're still not talking masculine by any means.  It had begun to rain and our vision was limited but as they drew closer it was clear it was the Warzone Wussies led by Wall-E.  They raced in, caused confusion and disorder and then left as quickly as they had arrived.  It was classic Wall-E.  Evidently Chicken Fried was scheduled to Q Warzone but fartsacked so Warzone ran to his house (which was nearby) and is why and how they wound up messing up BA's Q.  Pax spotted from Warzone included Ike, Mutt and Wall-E.  Rumor has it Cowboy was in tow but no one saw him.

When the confusion cleared BA ordered the Clinic DH's to put up the blocks and then have everyone assemble back to the flag for a "Jack Webb" exercise.  The exercise called for every 1 "merkin" it would be followed by 3 "air presses" but the "merkins" would be of the "iron cross" kind.  The pax went all the way up to 10 "merkins" and 33 "air presses."  When BA saw Pinocchio and Barfly (who knew they were artist too?) struggling, BA reminded them there was no shame modifying to their knees; that this was a judgment free zone.    They immediately obliged.  Funny how "form" matters........

It was getting close to quitting time so BA called out "recover" which means the end of the workout.  Actually BA saw Chainsaw doing his finger "helicopter style" indicating it was time to wrap it up so BA called time.  As BA called the pax to close ranks and bring the circle in for "count off" BA noticed an "imp like" figure pulling a cooler to the circle.  It was Barfly, 2017 Mumble Chatter King, (Judge Judy is the perceived 2018 front runner) and he announced that it was a Clinic tradition to serve beer on special occasions.  Special occasion?  Lil Sweet asked if they had any girl drinks like Mike's Hard Lemonade but Barfly said it was only Budweiser this day.  Skinny Pete brought his own 40 oz and chugged it (BA has a picture to prove it if anyone wants to see it) as the pax began popping open cold cans of beer at 6:15 AM.  *Disclaimer: not all pax partook but all of the Clinic guys did......

So what was the special occasion?  BA was about to find out.  The special occasion was revealed when Paula Dean, on behalf of the Clinic, presented BA with a "Rasslin Belt" to honor BA for his "greatness."  BA was moved and patted Paula Dean on the cheek as Paula Dean let a tear go from the corner of his eye.  Paula Dean whispered or maybe whimpered, "BA, come home man, come home."

With that BA announced to the 24 assembled pax that today was his 250th workout of the year.  Likely no other pax in F3 Hartsville history has hit 250 each year.  A warm applause ensued as BA acknowledged the recognition but knowing he had to break the bad news raised his hands to bring the cheers to a halt.

BA then announced gingerly, "Men, today will be BA's last day at Farsight."  No sooner had BA uttered these words he heard Linus break out in a sob, the kind of sob of a little girl.  Then Pigpen uttered his first words in 19 weeks and said "Say it aint so BA???"  BA turned to them and softly said, "Yes, boys.  Its time.  It's time for BA to move on.  His work is done here."  Bodybag broke from the ranks and ran to his car in tears chased by Castanza who attempted to comfort his "special friend."  Billie Jean exclaimed, "I finally made a GD workout and you are leaving?"  Fallguy bit his quivering bottom lip fighting back the emotions.  Divac made a very strong point when he asked while pointing across the circle to the Clinic DH's who had been talking during BA's announcement, "why would you want to work out with those assholes?"  BA really didn't have an answer and struggled with a response.  All BA could muster was "because they need me Divac."

When order was restored BA thanked the Farsight pax for welcoming him into their group and for the opportunity to work out with them, fellowship with them and spend time in prayer with them.  Its been a great 19 weeks and BA has enjoyed every moment (except the time Windows Qd and made BA and Ragtop brick bear crawl in the driving rain in 40 degree weather.  That sucked.).  As the pax dispersed and as BA walked to his vehicle one could hear the faint cheers of Fudger and Carpal Tunnel from the comforts of their warm beds celebrating that BA was leaving Farsight and there would be no more GroupMe postings cajoling the pax to the workouts.........

That's all I got to say about that........

Fraternally, BA

Past Farsight Brick Holders:

Fudger

Purdy Mouth

Judge Judy

Divac

Windows

Ragtop

Body Bag

Audit

Pigpen (current holder and lets hope he hasn't lost it)

 

 

 

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BA’s Roll Call Q

The evening before BA’s Q BA sent word out through the GroupMe chat that he was looking for HC’s for his  Q.  HC’s began raining down so BA decided to flush the “fence straddlers” out so he posted that anyone who did not say they weren’t coming and then didn't show, then the pax would do 1 burpee in their honor (next time it'll be 3).  If a pax HC'd and didn't come, it was 5 burpees.  Yes, Purdy Mouth HC'd and all the pax immediately began saying they would have 5 burpees to do in the AM.  Ye of little faith sayeth Purdy.....

At the appointed hour the pax slowly shuffled in the dark as they gathered around the flag (that Windows irresponsibly left at Convergence a couple weeks ago but was then saved by BA from the FiA chicks).  Counting BA there were only 9 pax which was several fewer than BA was counting on.  Window's  began to squirm.  By his face one could tell he was a skeered man.

After the disclaimer (the pax were stunned BA wasn't a professional especially when BA wore the "Material Girl" singlet running shirt after multiple requests) BA called the role.

Daisy Dukes excused

Mesquite.......silence.  One burpee

Purdy Mouth (HC)......Here!!!!!!  (stunned silence)

Linus (HC)......silence.  Five burpees

Meat (HC).....here.

Divac (Redwood)......here.

Last Rites (HC)......here.

Fall Guy......silence.  One burpee

Bagboy (HC)......silence.  Five burpees

Schroeder.......here.

Section 8.......silence.  One burpee

Pig Pen excused (still looking for his brother)

Guttenberg excused.

Captain Crunch excused although it was a weak excuse.

Rag Top (HC).....here.

Billie Jean (HC)......silence.  5 burpees (being molded by the likes of Purdy)

Fudger excused but promises to be there Thursday for Linus' Q.

Carpal Tunnel........here (the pax were stunned he and Purdy were both there).

Castanza excused

Body Bag excused

Little Jax (HC).....silence.  5 burpees (Windows started cussing really bad at this point.)

Wildman......silence.  One burpee

Windows (HC).....Damn right I'm here when I HC!!!!!!!!

It was at this point that Linus pulled up and said "hey guys what did I miss?"  BA couldn't make out which obscenities were leveled by whom because they all flowed like a torrent at the same moment in the direction of Linus who's only defense was "at least I didn't fartsack like my brother."

After the roll call and burpees BA led the group in some calisthenics before heading to the first part of the workout.

Remaining in the circle BA announced that the first exercise would a "climbing up stairs but not down stairs" exercise.  The exercise was as follows:

Air Presses starting with 1 and followed by 1 merkin.  Then 3 air presses and 3 merkins.  We followed this routine all the way up to 21 when BA called "recover."  Linus was already crying so BA thought it was prudent to stop then and move to the next exercise.

The pax gathered around BA in the parking lot and BA broke them up into groups.  Of course Last Rites and Ragtop partnered up just like that Clinic dynamic duo of Paula Dean and Skinny Pete do all the time.  Some guys are just meant to be "partners."  BA tried to partner up pax who didn't know one another.  Schroeder who has been coming for a month had no idea who Carpal Tunnel was and Meat, a regular when not killing off livestock, had not met Divac either.  The exercise called for partner A to bear crawl the perimeter of the parking lot while Partner B ran the loop until he caught up to Partner A.  At this point they switched roles and kept this up until they had completed the loop of the parking lot.  BA partnered with Purdy Mouth.  There are two other pax you don't want to do this exercise with: Stallion and Chow.  BA still has flashbacks of those two nightmarish workouts where BA bearcrawled a mile before being relieved by either one but BA digresses.  When we made the complete loop BA called "recover."

BA then took the pax over to side building with the step.  Here the pax were required to do the following:

3 Dips followed by 1 Derkin.  We went up 3 on the dips until we reached 21 and went up 1 on the Derkins until we hit 7.  Schroeder cried at this juncture and exclaimed "why did I join this damn cult!!!!!"  Windows was still pissed from doing burpees earlier.

The pax then moseyed to the bottom of the parking lot closest to the playground and keeping the same partners as earlier did the following:

Partner A ran to the top of the parking lot, out the gate and back in the gate and then back to the starting point.  Partner B was doing the exercises.  The pax had to get to a total of 100 big boys, 100 leg raisers and 50 burpees.

When the pax finished we gathered back around the flag for nameorama, announcements and the devotional.

Announcements included the following:

Linus and Purdy exchange

Linus: hey guys anyone want to run the Kiawah Marathon with me in a couple of months.

Purdy Mouth: I'm in.

Linus: ummm, anyone else?

Meat to the group

Meat: hey guys, anyone wanna come help me slaughter 500 chickens? crickets.......

Carpal Tunnel to BA

Carpal Tunnel: BA, you are a lot cooler than those Clinic DH's like Bowtie, Stepshow, Woodchip, Barfly, Groundblind, Chainsaw, Lil Sweet, Skinny Pete, Winkles, Pinocchio, Lucky Charms, Paula Dean, Lukie, Paper Boy, Cockstrong, Judy and Postal. 

BA: I know son, I am pretty damn cool but it's not hard being cooler than those DH's. 

Windows to everyone who was within earshot

Windows: If anyone of you $@#%*#@$ HC's and then doesn't show and I have to do burpees because of your @#$% HC I'm going to shove my foot up your @$$!!!!!!

With that BA gave a stirring devotional from the pages of James on the power of words and the damage the tongue can do to others followed by prayer requests followed with BA closing in prayer (meanwhile Windows seethed in anger as his glasses came to a full fog).

May God continue to bless all of you and thanks for allowing me to Q this workout and be among such an outstanding group of men.  The pleasure was all mine.

Respectfully submitted,

The BA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Day the Clinic Kicked Out the Dead Weight (or tried to)

This day marked the launch of the new Kelleytown AO, “Grid Iron” (I know, kind of dorky but its fitting when you see the level of coolness out there.  I’m talking Stallion cool.  Yeah, that bad but YHC digresses right out the gate).  The Clinic, recognized by the other AO’s as the fittest, coolest and best looking, was asked to send two selected pax to help start the new AO.  Bowtie, always looking to cull the herd thought it was a great way to get rid of some dead weight.  Stallion's name was offered up but Groundblind, being the HIM he is, stepped up and offered himself as a sacrifice to save Stallion.  Hooker followed next.  Nutter was pissed over their acts of chivalry.

YHC took November 2nd because he knew this to be the "Grid Iron's" launch date and by signing up YHC would draw the masses to his Q rather than the sheep leaving for Kelleytown.  YHC would not be disappointed.  YHC's legend continues to blaze.  Twelve (12) pax came out for YHC's Q, still recognized as one of the best in F3Hartsville, for a complete body workout.

To set the stage, because of the number of coupons incorporated into the workout, YHC went out the evening before with his son, Shea aka Creek Rat, to set up and position the coupons for the morning workout.  While setting up, Pinocchio pulls up eating a honeybun and asks YHC what he's doing.  With blocks on either shoulder YHC looked at Pinocchio in a dumbfounded manner.  After YHC said, "what the fudge does it look like I'm doing  dumba$$?," YHC explained he was setting up for the Clinic workout.  Upon hearing this Pinocchio mutters with a mouth full of honeybun, "I hate it for you."  He then drove off licking the honeybun wrapper showing no interest in helping YHC or coming out the next morning.  For those who've not met Pinocchio, he's one of those fearsome Churchill Gang guys which consisted of Pinocchio, Barfly and Lucky Charms, all of which have quit. Their claim to fame was getting drunk one night and paint the flag which is why it has that "strip club pole dancing" look.  Yet again, YHC digresses.

On the morning of the Q, YHC shows up early to greet each pax as they pulled into the parking lot.  Pro Q TIP #1; the Q is encouraged to greet each pax to the workout regardless if they're a complete terd (Barfly) or dickhead (choose from any of the names listed herein who were in attendance).  YHC had Paper Boy lead the pax in the pledge of allegiance (Pro Q Tip #2; always say the pledge and call out any protesters like Skinny Pete who walked up nonchalantly in protest.  Even though we learned this on day one, YHC felt compelled to explain to the group that when YHC calls out the "exercise" that the pax are to repeat the exercise.  Also, when YHC calls out "starting, position, move........in cadence!," that the pax shall repeat "in cadence!" Paperboy is the only one who remembered.  Incredible.  Its only been like two years or so.

Following the warmup exercises YHC lead the group in a mosey over to the Brickyard with Judge Judy carrying the flag.  When we arrived at the parking lot YHC informed the pax we would be doing the "Gray Man Walk" which is named for the one true "Gray Man," Paperboy.  The "Gray Man" is where the pax bear crawl from one light pole to the next.  Upon arrival at the light pole the pax do 10 merkins and then off to the next light pole until you arrive at "Nutter's Manure Pile."

Main Event:

When the pax arrived at "Nutter's Manure Pile" YHC told the pax to partner up for the main event which YHC explained very carefully and deliberately yet dicks like Judy, Woodchip, Lil Sweet and Nutter absolutely didn't listen to.  Pro Q Tip #3; always call out with a commanding voice the exercise even though you know the pax have the attention span of a gnat.

The exercises were all of the basic format with changing exercises and coupons but went as follows:  Partner 1 moves the coupon to the light pole and then runs back to relieve Partner B who is performing an exercise.  Partner B hands off the coupon and runs to the block where he moves it to the next light pole and then he runs back.  This partner workout continues across the parking lot from light pole to light pole and when the pax reach then end,  turn around and come back the same way.  Each exercise had a number each team worked towards.  When that exercise was completed Partner 1 would shift down so that no team stayed the same.  The pax would continue the exercise until you hit the required reps or you arrive back at the starting position, whichever occurs second OR when the Q calls time.  Who would've thought shifting down would've been so difficult for Lil Sweet and Bowtie to understand?  Pro Q Tip #4; always patiently listen to questions for clarification by the pax no matter how stupid they are.

Questions fielded by YHC:

YHC:  OK guys, when you get to the end of the parking lot, come back the same way you went by pushing the blocks from light pole to light pole.

 Woodchip: BA, when we get to the end of the parking lot do we leave our blocks?

No Woodchip, like I said, you push the blocks all the way back.

Postal: BA, you mean one guy has to push it all the way back? 

BA:  No Postal, you will push it the 30 yards to the light pole and run back to your partner just like you did going down.  

Paula Dean: BA, what if I don't won't to push a stoopid $#&*%^@ block?

BA: Modify as necessary Chopper Dean. 

Nutter: Can me and Lil Sweet hold hands during the exercise?

BA: (no response)

Judy:  BA, when we finish first can we sit around and do nothing?

BA:  No Judy, in that event don't stop until the Q calls time. 

Judy:  BA, when I finish can I sit around and boast how much fitter I am than Lil Sweet?

BA:  No Judy, don't stop until the Q calls time. 

You get my point.  This is what YHC is dealing with; geniuses.

The exercises were as follows:

Partner 1 Block Sliders/ Partner 2 Burpees (200 as a team);

Partner 1 Tire Pulls/Partner 2 Curls (250)

Partner 1 Jug Carries/Partner 2 Leg Raisers (300)

Shockingly we ran out of time and didn't get to the Cylinder Carries/Monkey Humpers and YMCA's w/ Bricks/LBCs.

YHC was so caught up in the exercise and making sure Judy was doing it right and Paper Boy wasn't starting too soon that he lost track of time and didn't realize it was 6:00 AM until he saw Postal and Woodchip skipping across the parking lot on their way to work or the YMCA.  YHC gave instructions for the pax to put up the coupons neatly (not adhered to) and head back to the AO with burpees on the six (not adhered to).  As all of the guys arrived Paper Boy was the only one doing burpees while Judy, Woodchip, Lil Sweet and Bowtie watched.

Announcements and Prayer Requests:

YHC announced the new name of the Kelleytown AO as "Grid Iron" and that should any pax from the Clinic wish to join them that they need to remember "Grid Iron" needs stability and will need you to make a commitment rather than floating back and forth at least initially.  We applauded Groundblind and Hooker for their willingness to help launch a new AO which is being a big time HIM (although Hooker is just going because its 2 minutes from his house).

When informed the "Grid Iron's" mascot would be the "Phantom Fox" Winkles said the Clinic already had a mascot in Paula DeanPaul Dean's response: I don't care.

Bowtie made a motion for Stepshow to be recognized as "Dickhead of the Week."  Before YHC could call for a vote every hand shot up in the air seconding Nutter's motion.  When Baby B asked what offense had Stepshow committed Nutter responded with, "because he's a dick Baby B."

YHC called Bowtie out of order for making a motion for trading Winkles to "Grid Iron" for Groundblind.  The motion was amended by Woodchip to include Stallion and it carried unanimously.  Stallion needs to turn his Clinic shirt back in.

Happy Hour today at 5:30 hosted by Barfly who was last seen on a milk carton.

Nutter asked for prayers for Stallion's toe.

Prayers for Lukie's mother.

Prayers for the family of Jim Pridgeon who at 47 lost his life to cancer.

YHC closed with a devotion on "Worry."  YHC's last Q we discussed "Anxiety and being Burdened." This day YHC talked about how the scripture tells us how to deal with "Worry."  Matthew 25 (paraphrasing) specifically tells us not to worry about what we will eat, drink, etc.  Can any of us worrying add a single hour to our lives? Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Additionally, Philippians 4 tells us "do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Finally, YHC often leans on what Paul wrote in Romans that "there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God."

YHC hopes these passages can offer comfort and strength in times of worry to those in need.

YHC then distracted Bowtie who was daydreaming while not paying attention and called the pax together to close in prayer.

Before dispersing the pax to a man offered to YHC what a fulfilling and meaningful workout and devotion he had Q'd.  YHC was moved.

In closing, it was an honor to have lead such a great group of men this morning.  Y'all make me better.

Respectfully submitted,

BA

Fartsackers List:

Barfly: when not fartsacking he enjoys killing deer and skipping HH

Pinocchio-hasn't been seen in 6 months

Stepshow-Comrade Stepper has been caught up in this Trump-Russia probe and keeping a low profile

Radar-prefers working out with the softer Revolution guys

Lukie-excused

Labatte-another 6 monther

Fender-his band has been touring Lee County

Red-HC Sink or Swim Monday; Clinic Tuesday; Temple Wednesday

Stallion-last seen rucking and eating snickers to get in shape for the P200

Lil Smokey-skipped the entire week.  May have another Opee and Dora on our hands

Lucky Charms- 6 monther here too

EPO-just had his 10th kid

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Clinic: “Don’t be a Dickhead”

As from the title one can see that the theme of YHC’s Q was “Don’t be a Dickhead.”  The more gentle pax from the other AO’s may cringe at such crude language but at the Clinic it fits.  If you’ve been introduced, shown up at the wrong AO or fallen into the viper pit GroupMe Clinic chat, you know exactly what YHC means.  For you see since the day YHC invented the Clinic, the Clinic AO has changed.  YHC has taken some sabbaticals to support other AOs and in those periods of absence certain personalities began to emerge which tainted and tarnished YHC's invention.  YHC can't say when it really started but YHC knows who it started with.  Yes, it started with Bow tie.  That's where this insidious infection started.  Kind of like a sexually transmitted disease if that helps.  What YHC is saying is that the origins of "Dickheads" started with Nutter.  Due to his strange and peculiarly and uncomfortably close relations with others such as Woodchip and Lil Sweet, it spread.  And from there, well, it just began to corrupt the rest of the pax to the extent that even such nerds/dorks/goobers/pansies as Stallion, Paula Dean, Winkles and Postal ( all of which are interchangeable) have shown signs of becoming full fledged "Dickheads" which is a travesty.

As a result, BadAss took it upon himself to shine a light on this "Dickhead" problem (not literally Nutter) and pull the Clinic back from the abyss and back to its original state of purity of YHC's original creation.

Here is YHC's story.  YHC arrived at the Clinic at 4:50 AM to set up his workout and as YHC came down the Magnolia lined drive he noticed Lil Sweet's jeep sitting in the parking lot along side Judge Judy's MKA truck.  YHC was disturbed to find them both sitting in Lil Sweet's jeep talking, the way kids do on the first date as they guy drops off the girl at her house.  It was strange but, well Judy is strange and Lil Sweet is just different.  So BA kept going and went to the Brickyard parking lot and set up his cones (that have served F3 so well over the last two years).

When YHC made it back to the Clinic many of the pax had gathered.  As YHC went over his notes on ""Don't be a Dickhead" YHC looked up and saw Stepshow and Woodchp (prototypical dickheads) proudly wearing homemade Singlet shirts (Not tubetops) honoring BadAss.  If I may digress a moment, these two are classic examples of nice guys turned dickheads.  Stepshow was kind of a dork that we all felt sorry for because he kind of resembled Vladimir Putin with about 10 kids. Please don't  get me started on Woodchip.  He was such a dork that he made Paperboy appear cool.  Get my point?  Yeah, that bad. Anyway, they were guys who were thought to be harmless but yet over time Bowtie inseminated them with his "Dickhead" serum and overnight they turned into genuine "Dickheads."

YHC digresses.  YHC then ordered the guys to circle up for the start of the workout but it was hard to get order because the likes of Barfly (born Dickhead who needed no insemination although he would have submitted willingly) who constantly chirps like a little girl while YHC was issuing instructions.  YHC called out Pathfinder aka Red (the pax thought he was an FNG) to led the pax in the pledge of allegiance.  Despite his liberal flag burning tendencies, Red came through on the pledge and did a good job once the liter was yanked from his hand.

YHC then led the group in some warmup exercises before announcing we were moseying over to the Brickyard.  However, YHC said we would stop along the way to crab walk but the flag bearer (someone other than Red) would be exempt from participating.  Guess who raced to the flag to claim his exemption?  Yep, Woodchip did only providing one more example of why he is one of the starters on "Team Dickhead."

YHC gave instructions when the pax got to the "lava field" for them to crab walk to the speed bump.  Two years of working out and the pax know where Nutter's Manure pile is but can't tell you where the Lava Field is?  Lava Field-the lava looking rocks that appear to be in the form a lava flow between the Clinic and the Brickyard.  It's not hard guys.....

Once the pax did this we moved to the cones set up at the entrance to the Brickyard parking lot.  Here YHC announced that we would be doing the "Gray Man Walk" in honor of the Gray Man or Paperboy.  YHC, trying to build the GrayMan's self esteem called on him to tell the pax what this exercise is and its origin.  Gray Man just gave me a blank stare, the kind Paula Dean gives when we yell to him that we are doing burpees on the six hoping he may hasten his pace and he just looks at you like "I really don't give a $h!t."  So YHC explained that the "Gray Man Walk" requires the pax to bear crawl to each light pole and at each light pole do 10 merkins until arriving at the fence at the end of the parking lot.  When completed do burpees on the six.

May YHC digress yet again?  You ask why was BadAss requiring "burpees on the six" after each exercise?  Its designed to require those "Dickheads" who motor through the exercises and then finish and stand around with hands on hips saying "hey guys, look how awesome I am that I finished first and how bad you suck because you are still exercising."  Its not their fault really.  All of his started with Bowtie.  It wasn't like this until he made winning everything by forming Team IYAFYl which one could say is an ultra Dickhead offshoot of Team Dickhead. So YHC would offer this to Stepshow as YHC's reason for aggressively reminding the "Dickheads" to do burpees on the six.  YHC didn't mean to hurt Stepper's gentle feelings.  YHC is sorry Stepper.

YHC lined up blocks along the fence and instructed the pax (who were sitting on the blocks and not doing burpees) that we would be doing "block sliders" to the far end of the parking lot while stopping at each light to do 5 burpees.  Yet again when the "Dickheads" were finished they sat on their blocks.  Shockingly Barfly was among them which leads one to conclude he skipped a step somewhere.

It was at this juncture YHC tied the workout together.  There were 9 cones lined up with exercises listed along with the reps.  The first letter of the exercise was in bold.  YHC explained that the epidemic consuming the Clinic had a name and it was "Dickheads."  The cones spelled out "Dickheads" with the following exercises:

D-erkins x 40

I-nch worms x 15 (I know, weak but not many exercises with I)

C-urls x 50

K-ettle Bells x 20

H-ammers 40 x 2

E-lf on a Shelf 10 each side (another weak one, I know)

A-ss Kickers-40 each leg

D-ips x 40

S-quats x 40

Does YHC needs to tell you what the early finishers did?  Yet again Barfly was sitting with Woodchip as they sat on blocks looking at everyone else.  It was about this time that Chainsaw said sayonara at 5:59 AM to head to the YMCA.  Like a puppy dog lost without Fender, Postal scampers off behind Chainsaw trying to find a friend.  Chainsaw qualifies as a "Dickhead" not because he is obnoxious like the others but because he hangs out with them.  That gets you on the team. As to Postal, to borrow a gay saying, YHC wouldn't say Postal is "ALL IN" yet but he's getting close.

When YHC got Woodchip and Barfly off the blocks we did block sliders back across the parking lot leaving strange chalky lines all over while stopping at the light poles to do 5 burpess.  Barfly slumped here.  He was pathetic.  Just saying.

When we arrived back at Nutter's Manure Pile YHC announced for the pax to put up the blocks (neatly) and to line back up at the manure pile.  YHC shall take a moment to point out what crappy blocks Paperboy and Barfly brought to the Clinic.  The blocks are all busted up and of no use.  Next thing you know they'll bring pink blocks to the Clinic.

YHC then announced the pax to do crab walks to the light pole; lunge to the pole; bear crawl to the pole and burpee lunge jump to the pole.  Upon completion by many but not Stallion, Red and Paula Dean who were really putting out with "high knees," YHC ordered the pax back to the AO.

When we arrived BA announced "Big Boys" on the six until Paula Dean came up looking at the pax as if they were a bunch of dumbasses.

YHC then called out "recover" at which time all the pax exhaled with relief that this workout was one of the hardest they've ever experienced.  YHC felt a slight twinge of pride.

YHC then had the pax to count off and then name-o-rama before announcements.  During name-o-rama Barfly expressed great disappointment not being able to yell "Baby B Respect, Baby B wooooo!!!!!!"  Announcements included Happy Hour tonight Q'd by Barfly who likely won't be there as is normal.  Groundblind also announced "Dickhead of the Week" goes to Winkles (this act alone transcended Winky from being a good guy to a dickhead) for innocently handing Bowtie a bag of Chopper's $h!t at the Temple Wednesday.  The warmth excited Nutter as he squeezed it before realizing its contents.  DIckheads of the Week Honorable Mentions included Skinny Pete (who Fartsacked big time) throwing Stepshow's cylinder in the rain on Tuesday causing Stepper to have a nerd temper tantrum.  Also, Nutter and Chainsaw spewing toxic gas on me and Winky Tuesday every time they ran by.  Lukie also received Honorable Mention by posting at another AO and then posting on their board that it wasn't a Clinic workout which was a classic dickhead move. Nutter's heart swelled with pride over Lukie's antics.

Other announcements was Red's declaration that he will shoot Klinger's a$$ in the Paintball War on Saturday in an effort to defend the Clinic's honor.  Some of the pax were slightly concerned that Red seemed to appear to think that this was for real and not just a game.  He was doing that "mad laugh" he does when you're not sure if he's serious or not.  Somebody please tell Klinger and give him a heads up.

YHC then closed with likely the best Devotional ever given at the Clinic. YHC will share so Nutter can read it here since he's acknowledged he doesn't listen during other Qs devotionals. It's always about him guys.

God has a Purpose for us. The scriptures tells us in Philippians 2:13 and Ephesians 1:11. We are here for a reason. Not just in this world or community but in this place. There is a reason we've been brought together. We support one another. We encourage one another. We grow His Kingdom.  Often times it can be difficult identifying what God's purpose is for us. We all have been blessed with gifts. We should use those gifts to glorify His name. We also have a responsibility to one another.  As we like to recite from Proverbs 27:17; "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." We sharpen one another but how can we help our brothers when we selfishly drop out of F3 or choose a gym over your brothers? Who are you sharpening when you do any of these things? When you drop out or choose another route you're basically saying "it's about you." Remember to lift up your brothers, search for God's gifts bestowed upon you and continue to grow His Kingdom. God bless each of you.

We closed with prayer remembering many of us who are dealing with challenges great and small.  As we grabbed a shoulder YHC had to ask Paperboy to stop massaging YHC's shoulder. Meanwhile the immature "Dickheads" led by Nutter giggled over Stallion asking Winky if Winky's brother was a Wal Mart greeter.

Submitted with great affection,

Bad Ass

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A Bad Ass Barfly Q

The pax gathered around Barfly and YHC and were called to close ranks for a moment of prayer and plledge of allegiance led by the legendary Radar.  The pax were then led in a series of warmup exercises before jumping into the first of two events which was led by Barfly.

Barfly led the group to the curb at Marlboro Avenue and called out dips before beginning a mosey around the block.  The mosey started off hamrlessly enough but quickly gained in difficulty.  The next stop was on the corner of of Marlboro and 4th Street and invovled burpees.  This was ok but then Barfly carried us over to this subtle sloping parking lot and had us do merkins, backward bear crawls and more merkins.  We then did more burpees before we moseyed over to the planters in front of the YMCA and did box jumps.  Afterwards we engaged in leap frog bear crawls which saw EPO perfrom someting akin to a jack rabbit jump.  Barfly then led us to the corner of Carolina and Fifth and led us in Donkey kicks which are everyone's newest least favorite exercise promoted by Stepshow.  We then moseyed down to the corner of Marlboro and Fifth and engaged in more burpees.  The pax then ran back down to our starting spot and did more dips before finishing up Barfly's portion of the workout.

Round 2 was led by YHC and as YHC called the pax to order YHC expalined the exercise in great detail.  These exercises were named in honor of Stepshow who Q'd a similar workout the previous Tuesday at the Clinic.  The pax were instructed to partner up and line up facing a series of cones.  The cones were set up about 20 feet apart.  Partner A would perfrom an ongoing exercise while Partner B would crab crawl to the first cone and back.  He would then bear crawl to the second cone and back.  Then he would lunge to the third cone and lunge back.  Finally he would run to the fourth cone and back where he would relieve Partner A.  The exercises being performed were 500 chest presses.  Afterward Partner A would slide down to the  next man and they would partner up.  The next exercise would be 400 curls and then the last being 100 Donkey Kicks.

We then gathered back up for name-o-rama, announcements, devotional and prayer.  The pax then greeted one another before heading to Coffeteria.

It was an honor co-Qing Convergence with Barfly.

Respectfully submitted,

Benchwarmer

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Brick City: Bad Ass comes to the rescue

After a near death illness last week YHC returned to the Q lineup and picked up Brick City at 9:15 PM the night before.  Immediately cheers went up around F3Hartsville that Bad Ass was back.  Due to the short notice YHC recycled a prior old school Brick City workout he had used in the past and that had received rave reviews by the pax.

After picking up the Italian Stallion YHC made it to the AO and found EP-O standing in the parking lot looking scared.  Evidently EP-O felt himself getting puny and wanted to bulk up so he had committed to coming to Brick City but when Radar told him Bad Ass had the Q, well EP-O started saying "golly gee guys, I don't know if I can handle a Bad Ass workout."

YHC gathered the pax around Dumper's WarZone flag and asked Wall-E to lead the pax in the pledge of allegiance.  In unpatriotric fashion Fender came running up late and said he had been delayed becuase he had been trimming his beard.

YHC lead the group in a few warmup exercises followed by some stretching.  Before heading off to the Brickyard YHC announced the pax would be doing 10 Burpees courtesy of Barfly who had made smart alleck comments to YHC.  YHC then announced for the pax to Mosey and not "run like hell Clinic style" over to the Brickyard.  Barfly carried the flag but then dumped it off on Stepshow to plant at the Brickyard because Barfly said the ground "was too hard and couldn't get the shovel in the ground."  Pathetic.  Stepshow who had been on vacation appeared winded by the Mosey.  He better be careful because when Butt-tie gets wind of that he will kick him off the "IFYAFYL" team.

YHC instructed the pax to get both a block and an Askins Cylinder and circle up around the ashtray (which had been moved).  Just as we were getting ready to hit it hard EP-O says "hey guys, look at that bird. Isn't that really cool."  The pax looked up and then back at EP-O and shook their heads.  Dumper said "Dude, really?" Then when the heron made a noise Wall-E got spooked and said "what was that frightening sound?"

The main workout consisted fo the following:

50 reps of Overhead Presses; Triceps; Upright Rows; Curls; Chest Presses; Hammers and Derkins which were followed by 5 burpess. We then did the same set of exercises but this time we did 35 reps followed by 5 burpess.  Then we did 15 reps of the same set of exercises followed by 5 burpees.  YHC cautioned the pax to use good form or you might get called out by the Polish Audit.  During the workout Stallion noticed Chainsaw throwing his block down to the ground hard after the exercise.  Its sorta "hey look at me, I'm done while you punks are still doing repss"  So Stallion, wanting to be cool, slams his to the ground shattering it into 100 pieces.  He was immediately scolded by the pax for being reckless.  It was also during htis time that Sparx, new to the gloom but not F3 said, "you sissies wouldn't make it 10 minutes at the Revolution.  Radar scowled and said "watch it punk."  Sparx didn't say anything after that.  I guess those Revolution tough guys like Scout and Head don't talk tough out there.

The pax then began putting up their blocks and cylinders while be chastised by Barfly that they were not putting them up neat enough.  We then moseyed back where Wall-E lead some of the pax in planking while others watched (Dumper).  YHC then lead the group in one last exercise. leg thrown downs, before calling it a morning.  Evidently YHC was the last one because as YHC got up all the other pax were standing around looking at YHC.  YHC asked if they had done the exercise because Dumper was just sitting there looking at YHC.  Chainsaw then said its not our fault your slow.  That was totally unnecessary and was mean spirited.  YHC will remember those comments.  YHC still doesn't think Dumper did the exercise though.

Announcements:  (visualize Wall-E talking to himself, others and to anyone who would listen during the announcements) Dumper said no lunch at Nueva Villa Wednesday.  Instead there is fundraiser at the Lydia Community Center to assist the Lydia Fire Chief who has been sick in recent weeks.  The plan is to have lunch out there on Wednesday.  Dumper will also bring lunch plates to you and will do 10 burpees for each order.

Italian Stallion (Barfly tried to rename him the Italian Sausage which Stallion kinda liked), Wall-E and Barfly are planning a BBQ for the pax this summer and the date is to be determined.  Stallion voiced his displeasure at the beer (Natural Light) that Barfly said he wouild be serving.  Some people just have to be haters.

YHC encouraged all to hit as many workouts this week as possible.  Hitting Brick City gets you off on the right track.

YHC then gave a stirring speech on the pax being proud of their AO's but to remember that we are one group and that we must support one another.  YHC also encouraged the pax to appreciate this week as we celebrate our nation's birthday.  Just as we were wrapping up Labatte reminds the pax that Canada kicked our ass in the Revolution and not to mess with Canadians.

After YHC's prayer the pax departed for their cars and then on to their respective days and week after having been emboldened and inspred by Bad Ass.  As we were leaving one could hear Stallion asking Barfly "what time does Mac's open?"  Finally, as YHC closed the chapter on the morning's workout he saw Eye-Teeth posing in front of his car mirror flexing his muscels.  Will use the rest of the day to forget that image.

It was my honor leading this workout.  Being in your presence not just makes me more fit but a better man as well.  God bless y'all.

Bad Ass

 

 

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The Clinic: No Power, No Flag, No Pledge and No Groundblind

F3Hartsville woke this morning to no power. In order to get out of posting this morning, Tater Salad (Fartsight AO) managed to disconnect the power to much of Hartsville.  Despite Fartsacker-in-Chief’s efforts, 20 pax posted at the Clinic (not Princess, his blow dryer was rendered useless so he went back to sleep) which is rather impressive.  When YHC arrived at the Clinic there were no lights in this part of the town either.  However, just as we were assembling in the dark the lights started coming on.  As Lucky Charms likes to say, “God must love F3 because every GD time I think we’re going to get rained out, the weather changes and there are no excuses for missing (although he still misses, he just doesn't have an excuse)."  YHC looked over at LuckyCharms who was not amused at having to stay.  He was already heading to the Churchill bus when the lights came on.  In hindsight YHC wishes the bus had taken at least one of the Churchill Gang home.

So YHC instructed the pax to circle up and began looking for Groundblind who had been entrusted with the AO flag but there was no Groundlbind.  Just when the pax realized there was no flag that obnoxious as hell Barfly started chirping "look y'all Bad Ass forgot the flag!"  YHC told this little terd that he had not forgotten the flag but that Groundblind had it and he was supposed to be here.  All this did was encourage the Churchill punks and the others to start in on YHC about the flag. Sympathetically, Fender came over with his rock which he had been holding like a pet hamster and said "Bad Ass, you can use the Clinic Rock to gather around."  YHC was actually surprised Barfly even came since he typically gets on Tater's message board while drinking beer and starts talking trash to YHC in effort to rile him up.  Then he fartsacks and any "burpees" doled out in his name are shared by the pax and not him.  But he came this time.  Surprise, surprise.  But he was not quiet........at all.

After the stretching exercises (there was no pledge of allegiance because as you well know, Groundblind fartsacked) YHC led the group in the worst Banjo Bear Crawl ever.  Despite doing this many, many times one would think that Woodchip and Chainsaw would have figured out that you don't get up and walk half around the circle.  YHC announced 3 Merkins before you circle around the pax and back to your place.  When a pax crosses your face you do 3 Merkins.  Then Baby B tries to tell YHC how to do the exercises.  He wanted to do one Merkin and not 3.  What the hell?  Then Chainsaw and Woody walked and didn't Bear Crawl which led Winky and others just being ragged as hell.

YHC planned to do it twice more but it was so ragged and out of control that YHC gave up and announced "off to the Brickyard for the main event."  Right on cue just as we were leaving the soccer fields YHC hears Barfly yelling "someone get the flag" in a little girls voice.  Geez, thanks a lot Groundblind.  At some point in Clinic dialect a "mosey" went from an easy run to a "let's race like hell to get to the brick pile" and thats what took place on our so called mosey over.

When we arrived at the Brickyard YHC announced the next set of exercises.  The pax lined up against the fence and faced out to the parking lot.  Signs were posted on each light pole across the lot.  There were five light poles in all.  The pax would run to the first pole and were to do 10 lunges and back to the fence and then back to station 1 and 10 lunges followed by running to the station two and would do 20 jump squats.  After that back to the fence and then through 1 and 2 and then at 3 30 lunge jumps.  Then back to the fence and back through 1, 2 and 3 and then to 4 for 40 Monkey Humpers and then back to the fence.  Back through 1, 2, 3, 4 and then to 5 for 50 squats.  When back to the fence the pax were to start looping the parking lot until all were finished or time was called.  Butt-tie had a hard time during this phase of the workout.  First, like Baby B, he tried to change something up but was rebuffed and then he got his tail kicked badly by Chainsaw Butt-tie, doing sometihng that resembled a squat jump for an 85 year old watched helplessly as Chainsaw pulled away.  Butt-tie would later say he was still recovering from the Falcon and wasn't full strength.  Excuses.

After this YHC broke the group into partners and each team would have the new "sinker blocks."  YHC partnered with Fender which formed a championship level team.  But it was Baby B and Pinnochio who kicked ass during this next event.  Butt-tie never had a chance here either.

This exercise included Partner Doras with blocks:  200 Overhead, 200 Curls, 200 Back Press and 200 Derkins.   Partner A did the reps as Partner B ran to the end of the parking lot, turned around and back to relieve Partner A.  The pax would do this until completed or time was called.  Here again Butt-tie asked if we were to do anything at the end of the parking lot to which YHC responded: did I say to do anything?

There was some good work here.  Team Baby B-Pinnochio got out front and blistered it.  Team Woody-Strider was weak.  Team Butt-Tie was pathetic and were a non-factor.  Team Barfly hardly tried.

As the teams were finishing the back presses and were beginning to move to the Derkins YHC announced it was time to put up the blocks and return to the AO.  Yep, you know who had something to say.  YHC could hear Barfly yell "someone get the flag for Bad Ass!"  There was no Mosey back.  It was just a "run like hell" back to the AO.  The pax had to jump out of the way to avoid being run over by Chainsaw in his truck who either had to go to work or was being summoned by mother nature, again.

When we returned YHC had the pax circle up and did the countoff and name-o-rama without further Mary.  There were no FNGs but there were plenty of announcements.  Eye-Teeth aka "it" as in "Counsin It" aka iT said he didn't know where his father (Hillbilly) was and hadn't seen him in days and thought that he would probably start working out at one of the other AOs.  Eye-Teeth said his dad was having some problems adjusting to the fact that Eye-Teeth was now a beast under the tutelage of  Bad Ass and felt inferior to his son and would probably slink off to the WarZone or Fartsight where he would fit in better.  The pax reassured Eye-Teeth that he was his own man now and should probably ride his bike over to the Clinic rather than waiting on his dad to get out of bed to bring him.

ALM was announced by Bowtie as well as 4:45 and 5:30 Temple.  Groans went out.

YHC then asked to hear from Baby B and Labatte about the Falcon CSAUP which had been held in Darlington that weekend.  Baby B explained that he and Bad Ass had been on the champion Fox team back in December but that Bowtie and Groundblind (big time fartsacker) had cut us from their team and signed younger talent.  The Killer Baby B's were made up of Baby B, Labatte, Princess (major fartsacker) and DipStick (Fartsighter) and they believed they had a chance especially since one of the Nutt-Jobs (Bowtie, Woodchip, Groundblind and Wall-E) Wall-E had faked an injury so that his spot could be taken by Backdraft so Backdraft was added last minute.  This angered Labatte so much that Labatte dropped to the ground and had what looked like an angry seizure (or maybe those were Merkins, I don't know).  Either way, the Nutt-Jobbers finished first under a cloud and carry the same stigma as the Lebron James' Miami Heat.  However, during Baby B's rendition of the Falcon, Butt-tie and Woody kept trying to interrupt and kept talking about their "rings."  YHC told them to shut up mulitple times.  The other pax eased away from them so as not to be associated with the "win at all costs" mentality they have come to be.  The pax congratulated Baby B and Labatte for defending Clinic honor.

It was announced that Groundblind had the Q Thursday and before YHC could say anything else Barfly says something about the flag.  Thats at least 100 burpees next time YHC Qs.

Strider will be working on Happy Hour.  Currahee is Friday morning and is a new AO Q'd by Klinger.  YHC encouraged the pax to reach out to all the guys not present.  We have a strong AO and could post as many as 40 pax if they would come.

YHC closed with reminding the Clinic what this AO and F3 Hartsville has and to be proud of it. We may be chided for being competitive and pushing but embrace competition and getting better.  YHC also talked about the remarkable life that was Albert James.  Mr. James passed away this week at the age of 99.  YHC had the privilege of knowing him as a gentleman lawyer.  Mr. James had lived a devoted and dignified  and purposeful life.  We should all strive to live such a life and leave such a legacy.  We are better for having known Mr. James.

YHC closed with prayer and then snapped pictures which were posted with obnoxious and inaccurate captions on GroupMe. Some of the pictures included Butt-Tie and Woody who held up fingers of #1.  Fender kept asking people if they had seen his "Clinic Rock" so when he saw Misfeed, who he thought was an FNG, asked him if he would have a picture with him and his rock.  Misfeed got weirded out by that but obliged.  After that we may not see him again for another 3 months.  BillyRay wanted a picture with his guiitar.  Yes, Billy Ray came with a guitar but not a Meatloaf.  Beats me.  After everyone spoke to one another we parted ways but, as one would have it, as we were leaving Barfly yelled for someone to get the flag.

It was my privilege to lead this workout.  A great group of men I am proud to be a part of.

YHC,

Benchwarmer aka Bad Ass

 

 

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“The Bad Ass”

YHC arrived at the Clinic proving grounds on this cool 59 degree morning just before 5:00 AM and found Woody frolicking around the park anticipating YHC's arrival.  As YHC drove down the magnolia lined drive Woody chased after him just as a dog would do his master as he comes home for the evening.  YHC pulled in ready to unload his celebrated cones (none of which have been stolen from any local government or utility) when Woody circled his car asking YHC could he help set up for the workout.  YHC reluctantly agreed to placate (SAT word) Woody and allowed him to assist him set up his cones.  As they did so the parking lot began to swell with cars as pax flocked to their favorite Q's workout.  YHC was slightly flattered.

As YHC called the pax to the circle around the Churchill Gang desecrated flag, Baby B came racing up to join the group.  YHC yelled out to greet Baby B who completely blew off YHC.  It was going to be one of those kinds of mornings.  YHC announced to the pax that the morning's workout was "The Bad Ass," a legendary workout designed by yours truly.  The pax clamored with excitement in anticipation of this incredible workout.  YHC saw Woody and Chainsaw embrace one another as they jumped up and down in one another's arms.  For the uninitiated YHC explained in as simple terms as their simple minds could handle.  Well actually Radar, Strider and Patel aren't simple minded but one must wonder why they associate with these guys.

In a commanding voice YHC announced that the pax should set a goal of completing four laps around the soccer field complex which would be close to 2 miles.  At equal distances around the perimeter cones were set up as exercise stations.  The first lap's exercises called for 40 reps per exercise.  The second lap called for 30.  The third lap called for 20 and the fourth lap called for 10.  Upon completion the pax would either get in behind the 6 and support their fellow pax (this is a foreign concept for some pax) or gather around the flag and do 10 burpees and 10 big boys, rinsing and repeating until time is called or all have finished.  YHC would point out he only saw Stepshow doing the latter.  YHC saw some of the others who don't have to be named for all to know who they were stood around the 6 and said "good job man, way to push."  The exercises were as follows: Merkins; Big Boy Situps (who knew these could be so debilitating?); Squats (one should see Butt-tie do squats without bending his knees.  Rather remarkable); Mountain Climbers; Hartsville Hammers; Jump Squats; 10 Burpees per lap; Sprint; Lunges; Sprints and Bear Crawls back to station #1.

Before starting "The Bad Ass" YHC lead the group in a series of warmup and stretching exercises.  YHC called out SSH followed by burpees credited to Barfly who feigned sickness in order to avoid "The Bad Ass."  YHC chastised the pax for heaping blame on the Churchill Gang pax in attendance.  It wasn't their fault that Barfly lob's insults on the Q and then pulls a Tater and stays in bed rather than coming out and posting. YHC then called out Windmills followed by Burpees courtesy of Billy Ray who sort of serves as Barfly's lap dog or female dog, whichever you prefer.  YHC then called out the Reach Back exercise followed by 10 burpees attributed to Chainsaw who complained he hadn't said anything offensive to YHC and that he should not be judged like the others.  YHC mumbled Chainsaw was turning "sissy" on him.  Chainsaw was heard to murmur "you can kiss my @$$ YHC!  Juvenile, such a juvenile.

After the last set of burpees YHC gave the green light to the pax and off they went.  Butt-tie jumped out to a lead with Woody and Chainsaw close on his heals.  YHC had thought Tony Robbins or Princess may attend but Tony Robbins had evidently been caught up in the snarling 5:30 AM Hartsville traffic and couldn't make it while Princess, with good intentions, while on his way drove by the Y, saw his reflection in a mirror and pulled in to admire himself.  While there he worked out with his 35 year old father.  Nevertheless, neither showed and neither did Matlock so the old farts didn't have any "push" from the "twenty somethings." 

Lap 1 for YHC went well and lap 2 started off well  until YHC got to the Big Boys.  YHC was next to Hooker when YHC felt a searing pain radiating from his back right shoulder running up into his neck.  Terrified YHC reached for assistance from Hooker, however, having been taught by the "IYNFCYL" Hooker momentarily viewed YHC convulsing yet kept on going.  YHC stammered to his feet and managed to make it to he Squats and then on to the other exercises.  Despite the extraordinary pain YHC kept up the fight but as each pax passed him on the course few, if any, offered any support or concern.  Baby B said if you are going to fake an injury why not pick something other than Big Boys.  YHC was hurt.  Butt-Tie raced up and said "its ok Bad Ass, just do what you can do."  Mercifully YHC completed 3 laps and called time.  Just as he did Fender came rolling in and finished his third lap as well.  Fender then said he was a "bad ass."  Not yet son, not yet.  Get Blossom back out and we'll talk then.

YHC said the hell with Mary and called the group together for the count off and name-o-rama.  YHC was pleased to have Lil Ed out which is the first time he's posted when YHC has been present.  Butt-Tie talked up Temple and Groundblind said he was the Q for ALM.  Lil Ed was welcomed back.  Humpback said his son was doing well.  Strider announced Happy Hour to be at the "roof top."  Bowtie gave an up date on his daughter and her back pain.  It's not scoliosis which was a relief to all.  No concern was given to YHC for the stroke like symptoms he experienced during "the Bad Ass."  Mud Run is Saturday and the Falcon is May 14.  YHC offered he would have the Q Saturday for any not going to the Mud Run.  Christmas in April was a success.  Pay Bad Ass for your shirt if you have not done so.

YHC closed with a devotional of using God's gifts to bring glory to His kingdom and then closed in prayer.  It was an honor to lead such an outstanding group of men in this workout.

FARTSACKERS:  Paper Boy (rumored he was at Beach); Labatte (post Boston high); Princess (see above); Matlock (see above); Tony Robbins (see above); Barfly; Vanilli; Misfeed (MIA); Chihuahua; Easy Out; Oscar the Grouch; Hans; Meatloaf (MIA); Handler (MIA); Overdraft (MIA); Magic Mike (MIA); Hillbilly; IT; Picker and Lukie (MIA)

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Bad Ass Double Downs and Q’s the Clinic & the Revolution

ROUND ONE:  THE CLINIC:  5:30 AM 

The evening before YHC sent out text messages to roughly 35 Clinic pax to encourage them to come out and post at the Clinic.  Seventeen showed.  Pitiful, just pit-tee-ful.  YHC had sent out a request for 25 pax to show and this is the best we can do?  To make it worse, YHC began getting obnoxious taunts from certain Clinic pax to which YHC would reply "thats 10."  With each smart alleck comment it went up 10 more until it hit 60.  Experienced pax know this means 10 burpies.  One such pax who shall remain anonymous but styles himself as the Kiing of Churchill lobbed insutls and then didn't show (his identity will be revealed below).  As YHC strode across the parking lot those pax who had assembled nervously shuffled on their feet and toed the cool asphalt wondering what Bad Ass was bringing to the table this cool morning.  YHC was amused by one of his fans, Woodchip, who was wearing his version of a singlet which is what Bad Ass runs in when temperatures allow.  YHC gently brushed off Woodchip who clamored about asking YHC what he could do to help him set up for the workout.

YHC next planted the Clinic shovel flag which has taken on a new look in recent weeks.  A couple of weeks ago the Churchill Gang hijacked, stole and even lost the Clinic's flag and when it was returned it looked like a pole one would find in the center of a dance floor at that Gentlemen's Club in Santee that "F3Hartsville Van #2" was parked in front of during the Palmetto 200.  Yes, it had that kind of cheap, golden look about it that screamed of tackiness that only the Churchill Gang could find classy.

The pax circled YHC and as YHC passed around them giving out fist bumps YHC could hear murmurs of "it's Bad Ass ya'll."  YHC then asked Patel to come forward and lead the pax in the Pledge of Allegiance.  Afterwards YHC got the pax started with Side Straddle Hop in cadence up to a 20 count.  We then did  what YHC calls "reach back" in cadence x 20.  YHC then asked the pax to fall behind YHC as YHC lead them in a mosey around the park.  YHC looked over his shoulder and there he was, YHC's "groupie," Woodchip, step for step behind YHC.  It's nice being a hero to a younger person but it does become slightly irritating when he follows you to the bathroom.

When we got back YHC announced that Woodchip had earned the pax 10 burpess.  When completed YHC called out a Jack Webb exercise.  The pax would do 1 Merkin followed by 4 Air Rasiers up to 10 Merkins and 40 AIr Raisers.

YHC then announced Hillbilly had earned the pax 10 burpees (YHC should admit that YHC felt bad doling out burpees attributed to Hillbilly.  For you see Hillbilly is not like some of the other terds that call the Clinic home and really didn't deserve to be singled out like that.  Hillbilly merely pointed out a grammatical error which prompted YHC in his ire to slap 10 on for that.  My apologies Hillbilly.  I equally regret that my punishment caused IT to look over at his father and yell "thanks a lot you dumb #$*&^%#*1.").

An akward silence ensued following IT's outburst but YHC, being the leader he is, roused the group back to attention with his next exercise.  The next exercise was the same format, 1 to 4 but this time it was Big Boy Sit Ups followed by Hartsville Hammers.

Thereafter YHC called out 10 burpees which are courtesy of Barfly who didn't even show.  It was rumored he went to Fartsight to Q over there and he took Pinnochio and Lucky Charms with him.  There should be an F3 rule against Clinic men leading workouts at other AO's in town because of how far advanced the Clinic has become that the other AO pax may die.  YHC heard StepShow, in his most vulgar display of profanity to date, say "Golly gee Bad Ass, how is it fair to make us do burpees when Barfly and his toadies didn't even come? Gosh darnit you Bad Ass!"  Silently YHC concurred with StepShow but YHC knows never to admit your mistakes in public because its a sign of weakness.  Bad Ass is not weak so YHC told Stepper to shut the hell up.

It was at this juncture YHC heard Woody and Chainsaw giggling like school girls about how easy the workout was so far and how they were kicking ass.  YHC announced the next exercises which consisted of the same format as before but this time called for Squats followed by Lunge Jumps.  YHC is a champion Lunge Jumper and as YHC was doing his in perfect form he witnessed the two above named pax engaging in the worst technique seen since Tater Salad did Flutter Kicks in spandex (no shorts).

YHC then called out that the pax would do 10 burpees thanks to Butt-tie who YHC would lable Queen of the Terds as he is the one who eggs on much of their juvenile behavior.  YHC heard PaperBoy scream "burpees are stooooopid!"  Yes they are Paper Boy and so is running.

YHC then called out the next exercise which was the same format but with Burpees and Side Straddle Hop.  Just as we were starting YHC looked over to Princess and noticed that Princess had brought a portable mirror and was smilingly admiring himself in its reflection.  YHC wishes Princess would get the pax he EH'd to F3 back out (I mean you Tin Man) to join us rather than bringing a mirror to workouts.  It should also be noted that YHC let the pax go at their own pace after the count of 7 and yep, you guessed it, the "if you're not first, you're last" club accelerated their pace to finish first.  Most of thiese dorks were on the same side of the circle excpet for Baby B who looked pained that he couldn't partcipate in close proximity to this teammates.  For clarification the members of the "If you're aren't first, you're last" club are as follows:  Bowtie aka Butt-tie or any other degrading name one can come up with; Woodchip aka Woody or any other crude word for being erect and upright; Chainsaw who is easily identified in the gloom by his F bombs; Baby B and StepshowGroundblind has been extended a membership but he's slighly concerned with the sordid initiation ritual these guys have and remains on the fence.

When we finished with that last set of burpees YHC announced for the pax to bring it in.  YHC heard Radar and Strider ask "was that all?"  Unlike most of the pax, those two are two tough bastards.

We counted off and then name-o-rama with no FNGs.  YHC opened it up for announcements.  Bowtie reminded the pax about ALM and Temple for Wednesday morning.  PaperBoy talked up Christmas in AprilGroundblind shed some light on the program.  Bowtie reminded everyone about The Falcon (May 14th) and the Mud Run (April 30)..  Strider announced Happy Hour will be moved to the "Roof Top>"    YHC reminded the pax of the meal signup for Humpback's family.

Devotion on accepting those opportunites to be a 'Miracle" in someone's life.  YHC saw Chihuahua and Winkles tear up following YHC's devotion which moved YHC too.

YHC closed out in prayer.

FARTSACKERS: Overdraft; Handler; Blossom; TinMan; Matlock; Meatloaf; Picker; BillyRay; Misfeed; Hooker; EasyOut; Humpback; Hans; MagicMike; Vanilli and Labatte

ROUND TWO:  REVOLUTION 5;30 PM

YHC admittedly was tired but being affectionalely known as Bad Ass, YHC knew he had to step up to the challenge of Qing for the Revolution.  WaterBug, who is the Father of the Revolution, was out of town and asked for a Q.  Bad Ass must've been on his 6th beer and agreed to Q even though he was signed up to Q at his home AO, the Clinic, the same morning.  Nevertheless, after getting the kinks out YHC was ready and drummed up interest in getting the pax out to join him in the afternoon.  Seeing as we had so many from the Clinic who had not shown up, YHC sent each one a personal message to come out and join  him.  Not one Clinic fartsacker made it.  However, for reasons which remain unclear, Fender, who had posted at the Clinic that same morning, came out to the Revolution.  Poor Fender.  With his legs in rubber band mode, Fender looked slightly disgusted when YHC announed that we were basically doing the same workout as that morning.  YHC is rather sure he heard Fender say under his breath: you dumb $@&*$#$&^%, can't you be a little more creative."  Fender, when you get sweet boy Blossom back out you can talk back to the Q.  Until then just shut the hell up and play with your beard.

As we were forming up YHC greeted each pax as they came up.  Evidently none of these pax had heard of Bad Ass yet becuase when YHC would introdcue himnself they asked YHC if he was new.  Unbelievable.  YHC was like, "what the hell man, I've been here since the second workout."  Confused how they had not heard what a big deal YHC is, YHC was thrown off a bit.  Mr. Mom was the first to show and welcomed YHC to F3?????????.  As YHC was explaining to Mr. Mom what a big deal YHC was, the next guy to walk up looked as if he had just left the Y with ear buds stuffed in his ears.  He said his name was Deuce and wanted to know who the hell YHC was.  Tool Bag and Glow Stick walk up and ask who the new guy was.  What the hell?  Right then YHC made up his mind to punish these punks.

By this point YHC is tired of hammering away at his laptop knowing full well only 3 people will even read this Backblast so YHC is not going to re-write the same workout again.  The only difference between the two was rather than 10 burpees in between the exercises we did 5.  There was a lot less bitching in the afternoon than there was in the morning. I guess the Revolutionaries are tougher than the Clinicians.  14 pax in all showed up for the Revolution.  Papa Bear, a former Marine, led us in the pledge of allegiance and worked very hard as did Powder Boy and RossiOompa Loompa posted for the first time Saturday at Convergence and was back out on Tuesday and did a great job.  We even had some guys from other AO's who had missed in the morning but made up for it by coming that afternoon (FallGuy, Wildman, Backdraft and Wall-E).

With no FNG's announcements were made.  Wall-E announced Act Like Men and the Temple.  He also shared wih the pax his experiences gained from his mission trip to Guatemala with his two daughters.  Backdraft announced he and some others are participating in a Spartan Run this coming weekend.  He also mentioned the upcoming Mud Run as well as the Falcon.  YHC gave the same devotion as this morning on 'Miracles."

YHC thanked the Revolutionaries for giving him the opportunity to Q such an outstanding group of men.  It was my honor.  I hope you will have me back some time.

Your (slightl)y Humble Correspondent,

Bad Ass

 

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